


Place Your Bets

by Kameiko



Category: Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bets & Wagers, Blow Jobs, Chess, Coffee Shops, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Flashbacks, Gambling, Hand Jobs, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Violence, Multi, Panic Attacks, Poker, Psychological Drama, Romance, Shower Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, Truth or Dare, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:33:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 50,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kameiko/pseuds/Kameiko
Summary: The emotional spectrum of one's endorphin's did run high at one point in a previous relationship that was as toxic as when it was relevant. Macready knew this, Jensen turned his head away from it, and Miller just wanted to continue to run from all the dysfunctional problems to save his face from the metaphorical wall.





	1. The Use Of Emotional Manipulation Against One's Own Will

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any franchises, products, and characters mentioned in this story. My work is purely for everybody's enjoyment, and I would like to keep it that way. Having ownership over all this that requires contracts and other lawful fruitfulness is just too much responsibility. I am not ready for that kind of work, nor does my massive paycheck of $0.00 show for it in the world of fanfiction.

“Absolutely not!” Miller waved off Macready’s and Jensen’s “offer” for a one time heavenly adventure. He was in no mood to go out with these two for some sexual shenanigans. Ever since the two hooked up he had to deal with their non-stop banging happening every other day. Those walls and moans coming from Macready’s office were not even sound proof! Next time Miller made a mental note to fire the caretaker of the mold and sound, and tell Macready right now to put a muzzle on his boyfriend.

“Well, one can’t win them all.” Macready held his hand out in front of Jensen. “Told you he wouldn’t go with it, and you now owe me 200 bank notes worth of virtual credit chips. I expect payment right now, please.”

Jensen placed a couple of credit chips that didn’t even have a quarter of the amount on them that he owed in Macready’s hand. “Sorry, the credit chips I took from the abandon basements didn’t have all what I needed. I am sure you’ll manage to get by with your good looks.” Jensen smirked knowing he wasn’t going to get away with this, but he loved getting under Macready’s skin. If the man wasn’t so stubborn with who took his chips out of his apartment then he wouldn’t be playing these games with him.

“Don’t think you’re a clever fox here, love. These in my hand look like the ones that you took from my place before you left this morning. I counted them to make sure you kleptomaniac!” Macready pocketed the chips. “This leaves us with how exactly are you going to pay for the next part of the bet if you lose on top of this one? I’m not going to let you go back home to grab your chips. No challenge to it.” Macready moved in a circle around Jensen hoping to put some intimidation in the taller man. “What do you think, Miller?”

Miller was in disbelief with the scene partaking in front of him. He just said no, and here they are trying to get in bed with him! Again! He could even say he was mortified with the way Macready was prancing around Jensen like he was his prey. Not that he hasn’t established his own dominance over Macready since he was the one to put this drive into him in the first place. Maybe he needed to give Jensen a few pointers on how to retain dominance in a very unhealthy relationship. Even watching Macready stop behind Jensen to take off his trench coat like he was some kind of gentleman! Would have been a gentleman if Macready didn’t throw it on top of Miller’s laptop like it was another piece of hardware accessory. Miller threw the offending attire on the ground.

Back to related matters. How to solve this predicament? With wine of course. Lots and lots of wine. Miller pulled his drawer open, rummaged through the secret compartment in the back, and pulled out a huge bottle of win that was enough for four. Well, he was drinking for four tonight. Maybe one day he would share this with a nice partner that didn’t take his children away from him, or that he didn’t have to dump due to being too scared to move their relationship up a notch. Was eternal happiness and not hopeless sex too much to ask for? God knew he needed something good in his life.

He took a long swig till he was satisfied. Slamming the bottle on the table after a good swig was the most satisfying feeling in the world. Not for his workstation and Jensen’s coat it wasn’t. The contents of the drink were everywhere. Shit. His literal self loathing was now drowned into other people’s personal attire.

Agitation was in Miller’s favor tonight. “If you two lovebirds want to fuck please do it somewhere that doesn’t consist of my office, and me ruining other people’s coats that shouldn’t be lying in my office to begin with! I’ll even throw in this complementary bottle of opened wine!” Miller left his office area to go get some paper towels to wipe up the mess stepping on Jensen’s coat in the process.

Jensen fanned out his coat to prevent the wine from staining. He knew it wouldn’t do him any good without a special resolve cleaner in the next three minutes, but he tried anyways just to shut out the fact that Miller was being even more inconsiderate tonight then he was.

Once done Jensen made his way back to Macready to claim his off chance bet that free alcohol of any sort would be put into play. ”Not a perfect setup for free alcohol, but I want the credit chips that I stole from you back.”

Macready wasn’t giving into Jensen’s half-assed bullshit. “Sorry, love, but you took my credits in the first place to make this wager, so consider these last two bets a factory reset. However, if you win the next bet I’ll pay you in your terms of any sort, but if you lose you have to pay me in my terms.” Macready wiggled his eyebrows. Jensen knew what that meant. Either way neither one of them would lose as they get off in some way.

Macready went over to Miller’s desk to retrieve the oh-so generous offer or what was left of it. Judging by the way Macready shook the bottle the only person who got the most out of it really was the laptop whose keys were soaked in vast goodness. “Damn, Miller. Hardware without a real brain can’t get drunk you know. Who was supposed to even get the most out of this drink?”

Just then Miller came back into his office with a handful of dry paper towels. He handed a few to Macready, and pointed down at the mess on the ground that he wanted him to clean up. Macready glared at Miller, and wondered why the hell Jensen wasn’t helping with any of this. Bare with it. Gritting his teeth he gave Miller the alcohol back before getting on his knees to clean up the mess. Humiliation was burned into his cheeks.

He went over to his desk, and started to wipe down his laptop. He touched the sticky keys to see how bad the damage was. Pinching the bridge of his nose Miller pulled the power chord out of its socket. If the contents were going to drip around electrical wire he’d rather not be in the room when the fire starts around a socket. Macready on the other hand can stand in it, and be electrocuted seven ways to Sunday. He really didn’t give a damn about the man.

Jensen’s CASIE popped up to show that Miller’s high blood pressure was rising, but he really didn’t need to be informed such a thing when veins are popping out of ones head. “You ok, Miller?” Jensen walked over to Miller, and placed a hand on his elbow. “If you want me to help you clean it up I don’t mind doing so.”

Miller pulled his elbow out of Jensen’s grip. “I don’t need you getting alcohol in your systems, and start bleeding oily wine everywhere!”

Jensen was taken back by Miller’s sudden outburst of nonsense. “I don’t bleed oil, Miller. I do in fact have a blood stream and even a blood type. I know that might be hard to swallow for Macready, but I thought you better than that.” Jensen wasn’t sure why he was getting upset with Miller’s remark. His own tension was getting to him, and he was at the point of just jumping over the rails to a safe destination that didn’t have these two in his line of all of his vision sights.

Macready saw the look of wanting to flee on Jensen’s face. He pushed his own price of his pride to the back of his head to get things moving. “How about we skip the cleanup for now, and wait for the Interpol caretaker to come for the nightly cleaning instead?”

Macready placed himself behind Jensen, and rested his head against his shoulder. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a tube of unscented lubricant; never really cared for scented brands the way Miller did. Neither did Jensen thankfully. The other one was busy running its hand up and down Jensen’s belly. 

Miller tried not to look at Macready’s eyes that were staring directly at him with lust and anger as he watched his fingers dipped into the back of Jensen’s pants. A blush was starting to creep up on his stone cold face. That made him start thinking about what was going on. Was it even his fault that all three of them ended up in something like this? It was just supposed to be a one night stand. Now he wasn’t even sure if that was what it was anymore. Maybe Macready was trying to get back at him without knowing it over their relationship breakup. Jensen didn’t seem to mind the sweet touches he was receiving since his shades were retracted. His eyes were tightly closed preventing Miller from seeing his yellow hues again like he did when he was on deaths bed in the catering area.  

Macready smirk tuned itself into Jensen’s skin knowing that he was getting to the older man. Time to change to a different subject that would get under Miller’s skin. “You know, Miller, I am surprised you didn’t ask about why we were making bets on you. I think Jensen here has a nice story to tell you.”

“Quit talking about your own experiences, Mac.” Jensen snarked back at him in hopes to get him to shut up, and keep moving his fingers inside of him.

Jensen’s teeth were clenched together, and Miller could hear the man letting out small growls coming from that mouth of his. Perfect mouth to Miller that go with those unresisting eyes. Carefully Miller placed a hand on Jensen’s flushed out face, and rubbed his cheekbone with his thumb. Jensen’s eyes sprang open. There they were. Jensen’s very unique eye color from his operation staring back at Miller with confusion and bliss.

Macready held his free hand under Jensen’s chin. “Do you want me to tell you all about his fuckable mouth, Miller? I know you want to kiss it, do things to it. You won’t admit it though. You Aussie’s are too damn proud of yourselves.”

Miller snapped back into reality. He wasn’t about to play Macready’s game. “Good God, Mac! No! Get your fingers out of Jensen’s arse right now!” Miller grabbed Macready’s wrist to pull it out of Jensen himself when the man hesitated to do so. “Now, Macready! Be a real man and know when to actually quit! We’re done with! You’re not the man for me much less a real one with the way you’re acting!”

Macready let go of Jensen, and pushed him to the side. Right now wasn’t the time for having Jensen get finger fucked when Macready was about to get fucked over by his ex. A Real man, Miller? Was that why you broke up with me? Because I wasn’t man enough for you? How cliché. I’m sorry, darling, but how did that divorce go for you?”

Miller grabbed Macready by his chin forcing him to look at him. “Yes, Mac, a real man. I don’t know what made you think you can come in here, and manipulate me into some stupid bet you and Jensen had planned out. I got some tough news for you to hear then, pet. I am not bending over for you.” Miller let him go before going to the door. “You can’t talk about my divorce when you went through three of them.”

“You want to play that way? Fine! If it wasn’t for what your scare tactics of playing victim to having a more serious relationship then I wouldn’t be dating Robocop-Frankenstein! The name just goes so well with his emotionless personality, and he followed my orders to do what I want in your office when it came to sex!” Macready went up to Miller and got into his face. “Can’t say the same for the actual work environment, due to your nasty habit of bypassing the chain of command, but unlike you I have a companion that doesn’t have adoptive kids to run away with! By the way, how are they doing? Oh wait! You don’t know, because-”

Miller’s fist punched Macready straight across the jaw. “Don’t you dare speak that way to me again. Do I make myself clear, Macready?” Miller spat the last bit in his face.

Jensen’s shoulders were tensed up after Miller was done talking. He wasn’t sure if the words coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth were even words at that point. His CASIE popped up again to let him know that Macready’s heart rate was elevated. He turned it off. He didn’t need the program to let him know what just transpired. In fact he would even say Macready deserved the punch for saying those things about Miller’s kids.

Macready didn’t even look at Miller’s eyes after that. He just stared off to the side angry with Miller and himself. Mostly at himself for his little game going all wrong. Everything was supposed to go right in his favor tonight then all of this happened. Jensen happened. Miller happened. He was done tonight. To show that Macready pushed Miller away from him, and goes to the door. “I’m going fucking home.”

Miller grabbed Macready’s arm and pulled his back to his chest. “No you’re not. Jensen, get out.”

Jensen took one look at Macready who motioned his head towards the door. “I’ll be talking to Aria when you two are done talking.” Jensen put his shades back into place, and left the room with an uneasy feeling. Macready really looked like a kicked puppy when Miller socked him in the jaw. Maybe he should say something? Maybe Argento can help him figure it out.   

“Hey, Adam!” Argento waved over to Jensen. “You look like you have a lot on your mind. Want to tell me what that lot might be for a penny?”

Jensen opened his mouth to say something, mostly wanting to correct the saying, but paused for a moment to think about what he wanted to tell her. He really wasn’t an open book of feelings and rainbows when it came to other people. Maybe keeping it short to the point was the best option. “Macready and Miller are fighting over some unresolved sexual tension.”

That was not it. At least not all of it. Argento knew Jensen for a long time now, and wanted to press on the subject matter. She was about to till Macready and Miller were walking towards them. “Does that explain why Macready’s face is swollen?”

“Maybe I should’ve made the suggestion to fuck it out instead.” Jensen looked between Miller and Macready. Miller looked like he still wanted to beat Macready to a pulp while Macready looked like he wanted to not look at anyone right now. “Duncan?”

Macready’s face was definitely swollen like Argento said. Jensen went up to Macready and carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. He tried to get a response out of him again. “Duncan?”

Miller had enough of this self pity. “Get over it, Mac! You did a pot shot at me, and you had the nerve to bring my children into this! I can’t help that my ex-husband is a hostage holding bastard! Do you want me to go and tell the whole world how your last ex-wife had a miscarriage due to you being a drunk arse? You sure came off strong there, Macready!”

“I did my time years ago.” Macready whispered the last bit mostly to Jensen then Miller. “I need that drink right about now.”

Jensen looked at Argento to see if that was a good idea for Macready, but she was no longer standing at her position. Smart woman. Don’t get involved in someone else’s personal affairs when the original problem should be solved by the people committing the problem. Jensen just wished to know where to start looking.


	2. The Use Of Love That Can Be Shown Without Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Macready and Jensen get to spend some alone time together. Just the two of them with their awkward gambling on one another. Till the fun and games of temporary happiness starts to sail off into the sunset, and the humor of fun wanted to fade out. Neither one of them liked that. Make the strange feeling of being afraid go away, Macready. Some people just don't like it.

Jensen followed Macready to a bar that was within walking distance of Macready’s apartment. He couldn’t even read the name due to it being in Czech. That probably made it the perfect place for people who wanted solitude to get away from their wives and possible verbal abuse from bosses. Jensen could respect that.  

Once inside the two sat down at the bar’s counter to get their drinks and an appetizer. Once settled Jensen opened his menu in hopes that the menu was mostly a picture book for stupid foreigners like himself that stumbled in here. Most of the menu was in Czech with the pictures that even a second grader would figure out, which made him very grateful for also the fact they were cheaply made with bad photo shopped skills that make him very grateful for wanting to eat cereal he could understand for the rest of his life. Even though he doesn’t mind living off cereal forever. He didn’t have the cereal luxury around 8 PM unfortunately. Jensen flipped the page in hopes there was something that didn’t look edited, but no there was more stocked photos. He rather just take his alcohol that doesn’t even make him drunk for no longer than 18 seconds till Macready spoke up.

“Cajun French Fries? What kind of chips are these?” He was farther into the menu then Jensen was. Apparently the owner loved Louisiana enough, because there was another badly edited photo shopped picture. This time containing the Bayou.  “Never mind that. What are American-made foods and similar word uses doing in the menus?”

“Maybe the owner went to Louisiana one day, and decided that he liked the spicy fries over there? Or a badly placed TV ad for what Europeans thinks Americans dishes are like.” That was a jab towards Macready. Jensen closed the menu, and decided that he wasn’t hungry and now craving Detroit-style pizza.

Macready gave Jensen the almighty stink eye after he placed his order for the dish. Two can play at this game. “Wasn’t this similar to your cooking scheme on making me try some southern comfort dish called ‘chicken and dumplings’? Yeah, that tasted like mush.”

“You gave it not even a quarter of a bite before deciding that it was mush. There wasn’t even chicken on it. Mush covered chicken was the best part of the whole thing.” Jensen took a sip out of his glass of Jack Daniel’s that was placed in front of him. He studied his drink wondering how far he could push Macready. “You can’t even boil water properly without trying to set the stove on fire.”

“That was one time! You’re never going to let that go are you? At least I can get drunk, and punch people with a poor excuse. You’re literally sober not even after 30 seconds of drinking.” Macready playfully poked Jensen in his arm. Time to push back. “Jack Daniel’s not even a real man’s drink. “

Oh he went there. Jensen saw this as a challenged, and a challenge he wanted to shove in Macready’s face when he won. “I saw you with a Watermelon flavored Smirnoff Ice. I didn’t know you liked your liquor very light weighted.”

Jensen had a point. Where could he hurt him the worse? Geography of course! “Point out Estonia to me on a map if I can find one? I can guarantee you that you Americans can’t, much less spell your own capitals and states. How can one spell Mississippi but not Massachusetts?” Macready snorted into his drink making bubbles rise out of the liquid.

“We were taught by the crooked letter song.  Are we seriously going to raise up one another over geography? If so can you name the capital of Michigan? Give you a hint: not Detroit.” Jensen stole Macready’s drink from him, and drunk it down in one gulp. “You secretly asked the bartender to put watermelon Smirnoff Ice in here while I wasn’t looking didn’t you?”

Macready felt offended! Mostly at himself because he really didn’t know the capital of Michigan. Damn, did he need to study the United States more. Not. They didn’t have any stakes to put up, and Jensen was poor as dirt. He needed to get back from this embarrassment. He looked around the bar and grill to see if there was a map of Europe somewhere. Jensen followed his movements, and quirked an eyebrow when Macready pulled a Deus Ex: Machnia out of that eye sight of his, and found a blank European map. Well, mostly blank. None of the countries names were on the map, but there was pretty colored countries for Jensen to look at it. Pay back.

Jensen didn’t even bother questioning why there was a map hanging up on some random billboard. He stared down at the map that was thrown on top of his drink in front of him. He didn’t like that. He wanted to drink his whiskey and Macready’s fruity flavored drink in quite peace.  The cities weren’t even in a language he could fully understand, and he was only able to point out in his head the big named countries that stood out like a sore thumb. He was so used to just looking at maps in English and Czech’s central map that this was so foreign to him. He knew he made a mistake now. There was only one way to solve this challenge! Jensen took the map, balled it up, and threw it over his shoulder. Now, he had access to the drinks.

 “Jensen! Not fair, love.” Macready picked up the balled up map, and lightly tossed it at his boyfriends head. “Littering will get you shot on sight like one gets shot for pulling out a bag of skittles in a oh-so nice neighborhood. I don’t want that now. Need you and all your parts working.”

Jensen was about to say something smart when Macready’s appetizer came into play. Snaking his hand towards the basket he stole a fry off the plate before Macready noticed one went missing. He tasted it, and it was terrible. He now knew for a fact that this was based off a horrible and distasteful TV ad. He missed Cajun style French fries a lot but not enough to eat this garbage. He looked at Macready to see what he thought of them, but his face spoke everything he needed to know. Macready’s face looked like it was boiling up from the intense peppered seasoning that was mixed with the French fries. Didn’t help he was coughing up a storm of pepper.  

“Who the actual fuck do I have to blame for drenching Cajun seasoning of any sort on this shit? Do you Americans really enjoy burning your tongue off?” Mac took a napkin and wiped his tongue.

“The previous exiled inhabitants of the French to Louisiana probably, and it goes better with ketchup, which wasn’t even served here.” Jensen took the basket of fries, and placed them far away from them. They were now considered cursed food to him. If a grenade was going off, and the French Fries had to be sacrificed to some French Fry God he would not hesitate to sacrifice them. In hindsight that was a terrible way to die for the God by over seasoned shit. Still, he had to keep focus and win this one-up war, so he regrettably went to the exiled part of the counter and ate one. “Mmmm, not even that hot you pussy. You wouldn’t even last a minute eating great Louisiana gumbo, or Detroit’s lovely ‘we put jalapenos literally into everything even corn bread’ dishes.”

Macready picked up the balled map and made it whole again. Time for his one-up game to come back into play. “Says the guy who can’t point out Estonia on a map.”

He really couldn’t point out on the map where Estonia was. Change the subject. “Lansing! The capital of Michigan if you were ever once thinking about my question from earlier. “That seemed to confuse Macready. “You know we should make bets on who can guess the most capitals. I bet 500 credit chips you don’t know the capital of Florida, California, and New York. ”

“That a challenge, love? Ok, I’ll take you up on that bet, but if you can’t tell me where Estonia on a map then…” Macready leaned over to Jensen’s ear. “…I’ll make you work off the credit chips you owed me from earlier, and I don’t mean with manual labor like you tried to do last time.” Macready moved away to see a light blush on Jensen’s face. Perfect. He got what he wanted. He took out a credit chip, and paid for his drinks and their meal before leaving.

Jensen shrugged his shoulders, balled up the map once again, and placed it in the trash. “Alright, but first I am making pizza when we get back to your place. How does Detroit-style sound?” He didn’t mention that he was also going to use this excuse to look up where Estonia is located at in Europe. Macready had no comment. Either way he was going to enjoy himself tonight.

The two made it back to Macready’s apartment. Jensen placed his wine smelling coat on the coat rack before making his way to the kitchen.  Jensen immediately pulled out all the ingredients he needed for his home away from home dish. He made the deep crust squared, and super thick as he could to get it with the amount of handicapped ingredients he had to use.

After about ten minutes of prepping and placing he got it to nearly match the ones he would make at home when he was younger. Not 100% traditional, but no one could go wrong with extra, extra sauce and pepperoni and mushrooms. Even on the crust. Satisfied he placed the pan in the oven, and set the timer on the microwave to the amount of minutes it would take to bake.

Jensen grabbed a six-pack out of the fridge, and flopped down next to Macready. He tore one off the plastic, and handed it to Macready who was busy typing away on his laptop.  “Are you cheating?”

“No. Who said I played dirty?” Sneakily Macready earlier was trying to memorize states and capitals when Jensen was busy making the pizza. He long ago closed that tab. Now it was just work.

Jensen snatched the laptop out of Macready’s hands, and tossed it over the couch. “Enough cheating. Time for quizzing.”

Macready really needed to break Jensen of the habit of breaking his things or other people’s things. Right now it was stomping time. “You really going to be that cocky, love?”

Jensen’s shades retracted, and Macready could see the full awareness of his mischief, which he really didn’t bother to hide. Jensen crawled into Macready’s lap. He needed to distract the man from actually making a guess. He leaned down to kiss Macready, but the man grabbed his face before he could connect.

“Now, now little fly, You can’t confuse this spider.” Macready rubbed his hand against Jensen’s cheek. “Sacramento, the capital of California. What does that get me?”

Jensen wrapped his arms around the older man’s neck wanting to get in closer. Macready unfortunately prevented that with the hands still on his face. “Patience there.  I am not done, and I know you’re getting frustrated here.”

Macready flipped their positions to where Jensen was lying on his back on the couch. Leaning in Macready whispered the next answer into his ear. “Albany, the capital of New York.” 

Jensen felt Macready shift on top of him, and his hands moved from his face to a very happy spot that made him close his eyes. Macready knew where Jensen liked to be touched, and the inside of his thigh where skin still remained was that one spot. “Tallahassee, the capital of Florida.”

“You cheated.” Jensen scratched Macready’s beard.  Scratching beards was a great distraction when someone was feeling up a leg. “Your man fur smelled like cheap alcohol earlier. I guess we’re even now for me thinking of the sarcasm instead of saying it out loud, cheater.”

“You need to stop giving me compliments I can wear, love. Eventually I’ll just out shine you, and you’re pretty shiny.” Wanting to get frisky, Macready moved his other hand underneath Jensen’s long sleeve shirt. “Estonia?”

Jensen snapped his eyes open. “You’re purposely going after that country, because you know I can’t access a map right now.” Jensen grabbed Macready’s hands to stop him. “I’ll take in Europe for $500, Trebek.”

Macready pulled his hands out of Jensen’s grasp. “I did one time have a map with pretty shapes and colors for your little mind. I bet you threw that one out of my window one time didn’t you?”

Jensen knew when he lost when Macready won’t let the damn country on a map thing go. Turn the tables again by using food as a victim. “If you want to keep playing this game, Duncan, then I won’t be able to check on the pizza I’m making for us, and I’ll eat all the burned up crust myself. I even added extra pepperoni’s to the crust on your side.” Jensen s grabbed the back of Macready’s neck, and pulled him down for another kiss.

Macready didn’t care about the pizza really. His kitchen could blow up, and blast off to Mark Waid’s “Kingdom Come” comic for all he cared. He wanted to fuck Jensen right on a bad. Not the damn couch. Maybe he’ll let him win this once just so he can fuck his brains out. “To the bedroom.”

The two quickly stripped their clothing and shoes on the way to the bedroom. Each one leaving a trail that they could care less about. The two made it to the bed with Jensen towering over Macready. That was about to change. He gently pushed Jensen on the bed, and climbed on top of him. He moved in to kiss him but stopped. Why should he kiss Jensen? The man was being insufferable tonight, and he deserved a little humility. More then what their stupid bet from earlier with Miller offered. Macready glared at the thought of Miller. He got off Jensen, and moved to lean on the pillows against the headboard. He motioned for Jensen to come sit on his lap.

Jensen moved to Macready’s lap. “You are turning off that dominance over me off, right? Sex better that way.” He leaned down to kiss the other man. Didn’t work out so well when Macready covered his mouth with his hand.

“Are you calling the other times we had sex boring?” Macready removed his hand. “You need to turn that nerd side of your brain off sometimes, love. I don’t really want to be naming your countries states and capitals while I am supporting a hard on. I wanted to smack you for almost making me believe Los Angeles was the capital of California.”

“I didn’t do such a thing. Now you’re just being manipulative. You’re also going to sit here and tell me that you didn’t once thing the capitals were Los Angeles, New York City, and Orlando?”

He did, but he wasn’t about to admit it. “I’m only joking, but really enough with the teachings and more fucking.” Macready pulled Jensen close as he could, and pulled him down for a kiss finally. While doing that he stuck a finger up Jensen’s hole to see if it was still well prepared from earlier. Still good. He grabbed Jensen’s ass, lifting it up some while lining up his penis with Jensen’s hole. Jensen grabbed the headboard, and slowly settled himself down on top of Macready.

Once in position Jensen slowly started to rock himself up and down on top of Macready. After he got himself in a steady rhythm he buried his head into the crook of Macready’s neck with his arms wrapped around the older man. Macready thought it almost seemed like Jensen was trying to hold onto dear life, and afraid of following off the bed or out of whatever fucked up love this was. Cheesy. Macready rolled his eyes at the thought as he moved in time with Jensen’s rhythm, which was comparatively hard since Jensen’s hips were moving faster than what was considered a normal power bottom human speed. He would need to remind Jensen next time to somehow turn off his dash augment that he was having a hard time controlling.

Jensen didn’t seem to mind the friction very much. The fast fucking was just a distraction in his mind that he was trying to hold on. He didn’t understand why his hands were shaking around Macready’s neck. He was enjoying himself as much as Macready, but he couldn’t help but think about what happened earlier with Miller, or why his brain was deciding to bring this up now. The whole threesome thing was supposed to really be about a bet of who can humiliate the other the most. If they all ended up in bed for real then they would work it out from there. Now that Macready’s past has come to the light, and whatever previous relationship Macready had with Miller couldn’t be ignored. This could affect work and their daily lives. Every day. All day. Jensen stopped moving all together at that thought.  He didn’t like where any of this was going, and it scared him.

Macready felt Jensen’s augmented arms shake around him even more, which caused him to also slow down. “Jensen?”

Jensen didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want Macready going anywhere. He didn’t want Miller to punch him again. The bet was stupid, and didn’t really need to be put into play. What was going to happen at work tomorrow? Was tension going to be this bad that he had to avoid the director till things weren’t so awkward between them? Change his eye color? Hope that there won’t be any new missions anytime soon where they needed to actually communicate near life and death situations? What else was there? Besides Macready bettering the situation by wrapping his hands tighter around Jensen’s waist, and rolling them over to where he was now on top? Jensen wanted to break free, but he also didn’t want to let go of Macready.

Macready gently pried Jensen’s off of him. He re-positioned himself at Jensen’s entrance. He leaned down again to kiss Jensen. It was a very gentle one that made Jensen realize that Macready wasn’t going anywhere. Not anytime soon. He wrapped his augmented legs around Macready’s waist to bring him closer, and threw his arms back around Macready’s neck.

“I got you, Adam. I am not going anywhere.” Macready whispered into his ear as he continued fucking into him. Showing how much he wasn’t going to leave him with kisses on his mouth, face, and suckling on his neck.

Jensen felt the love Macready was giving him. He wasn’t one with words, or the type to literally spit out “I love you”, but neither was his boyfriend. The kisses were good enough for him to loosen up his hold some on the older man. Macready silently cursed to himself that Jensen’s hold was going to give him whip lash with those hands of his. Jensen didn’t even think about Macready’s comfort nor did he care. He just wanted to let go, not worry about Miller and whatever future that was ahead for everyone. He wasn’t doing a good job at convincing himself even with Macready’s love and daily complaints over the little things that really shouldn’t matter. That was till those touches around his face made him look up at Macready to see his features were soft and in a lot of pain. Jensen loosened his grip more on the man. Macready let out a sigh, and didn’t get angry. He Just gave him a big smile. It creeped him out a bit. He has seen Macready smirk with cunningness and mischief, but not with a big smile. This was something new and probably different for them both. Jensen just wanted to kiss those sincere lips of his. He did.  

Macready clicked his tongue against Jensen’s teeth. Jensen opened his mouth for the man again, and both were pushed over the edge after sharing a compassionate kiss. The most compassionate one Jensen ever got out of Macready, or even his ex-lovers for that matter.

Macready rolled off Jensen panting. “Feel better?”

Jensen didn’t say anything. He curled up to Macready’s side, and rested his head on the other mans shoulder. He didn’t need to tell him. Macready already knew. A smile spread across Jensen’s face himself. He hasn’t felt this way sine the day he made his first pizza. Wait! The pizza! Shooting his eyes open he quickly got up, put on his boxers that were somewhere down the hallway with his pants, and made quick use of his running dash to the oven to pull out the pizza while accidently leaving a trail of scattered furniture and knick knacks on the ground. Macready wasn’t pleased when he saw his living room destroyed by a running tornado.

“Jensen! I hope you’re planning on cleaning this place up!” Macready walked into the kitchen to see Adam cutting into the pizza. Macready looked at his face to see how happy he was. His heart fluttered, and he didn’t like that. Even Jensen’s eyes looked a little bluer and shined a little brighter. He sighed. He was tired of thinking of cheesy crappy poems about eyes in his head. “I’ll get the fucking plates and glasses.”

The two took their food and drinks to the couch, after Jensen put it back where it went of course. Jensen turned on the TV to see Cassan droning on about the typical augmented propaganda. Not something either one of them wanted to hear. Jensen flipped through the channels till a sappy romance movie that represented a crappy soap opera was playing. Interesting enough for Jensen and Macready just wanted to gouge his eyes out. The worse part was Jensen making his head comfortable on Macready’s lap.

Jensen noted that the man changed into sweat pants this time instead of the typical Boy Scout looking uniform he would wear when not on missions. He hated laying his head on those pants. They gave him lap hair. At least it was much more comfortable for Adam’s head. He enjoyed his routine of annoying Macready by being a God forbidden loveable boyfriend. Closing his eyes he fell asleep not even five minutes into the “General Hospital” wannabe show.

It was after 11 PM when the movie was over, and Jensen was still sound asleep on Macready’s lap. Macready was too focused on reading an ebook about some report he needed to get finished for Miller that was due sometime next week. He couldn’t really concentrate on it though due to his jaw throbbing in pain. He needed to get up and get painkillers somehow without disturbing the augmented version of “Sleeping Beauty”. Macready looked down at his resting lover to hear a light snore, and curled up like a roly poly.  He thought it was sickeningly adorable. He had to cover the bundle of adorable up before he showed more feelings then needed. Macready reached behind him to see if the blanket he was sitting on was still there. It was! Surprisingly still intact as well with Jensen using his augments to tear up his place to get some damn pizza.

He pulled out the blanket he was sitting on, and carefully placed it on top of Jensen. He didn’t want to wake him up or get a surprised upper cut to the face like he has seem him do to enemies. Now only if he could find that pillow. It was on the other side of the couch by Jensen’s feet.

“Great.” Macready turned his attention to the table where all the food that wasn’t consumed on the table. He wanted to scream. There were crumbs all over the place, and bugs would be here any minute to have their very own pizza party with Detroit pizzazz! An exaggeration he knew, but this was not a reason for them to act like pigs. He has seen Jensen’s place, and he didn’t want the same living conditions happen to him. The horror of cereal boxes spilled over everywhere was just a nightmare in itself! The only saving grace from his own mind right now was the fact his phone started to vibrate in the back of his pocket. He really didn’t get that many calls outside of his info link. He also wanted to tell the unknown number that it was almost midnight! Against his better judgment he answered it.

“We need to talk.”

It was Miller.

 


	3. The Use Of Hurting Feelings For Relief And Baiting Your Ex To Go Against You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manipulation and dysfunctional relationships seemed to be spreading around three certain men like the black plague. Does anyone really have a problem with it? Yes. Can they stop it? Depends. Whose willing to get emotionally hurt to let off some steam? Choose wisely, and don't over think it.

Macready wanted to hang up the phone really badly right now just to piss off the other person on the other line, and throw it into the man-made so-called stream thing that sat in the middle of the apartment complex. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with such a fucking asshole, so maybe feeding him to the invisible fish would be a new saying he could use and tell the man. Not really given much of a choice of good analogies to go on in this case.

_Macready? Are you there? I can see you through your window you know. Stop glaring at the phone. No matter how much you stare at it my head won’t explode with your fake phonkenesis, Killgrave._

Macready didn’t even understand that reference. Again, how annoying. Macready pinched the bridge of his nose and hung up not wanting to hear anymore blah, blah, blah. And to keep him off his ass he texted Miller to hang on a bloody second while he accommodated his boyfriends head with a pillow that didn’t consist of his lap. He placed his phone back in his pocket, and gave the window the bird before he gently placed a very uncomfortable pillow under Jensen’s head. For a minute he thought Jensen was going to wake up due to the pillow’s texture while complaining for the comfortable lap back as if Macready was Jensen’s lap slave, but the roly poly was satisfied enough as he shifted himself into a more comfortable and adorably cuter position. Macready wanted to wash his brain out with soap for that thought, or just leave before he thought of other adorable words that would make him sick with Jensen’s suction cups that might attach to lap with his hands and face as if he was an octopus.

Macready made sure Jensen was good to go, and grabbed one of his many coats from the rack on the wall. He knew how cold it was outside, and being a shirtless-shoeless pajama wearing man wasn’t going to help him with the cold. Except maybe the cold putting the fear of getting augmented toes in place of his real ones due to sudden frost bite into his head. Couldn’t be any worse than the shoes that were available in front of him, which for some reason seemed to only be slippers. He looked down at the slippers Jensen had bought for him a long time ago as a gag gift. They consisted of tiny cartoon crocodiles smiling in very mischievous positions. Some were sideways, upside down, and in purple polka dot colors. Not even really a classification for this type of crocodile much less an existent of a polka dotted murder log. He sort of hated them really At least that was what he kept trying to tell himself. He doesn’t understand how Jensen found any humor in this. Macready will need to smack him in the head with them later to remind him never to buy silly things he wouldn’t be dare caught out in public with much less his own home. With that thought, Macready’s phone started to vibrate in his pocket again.

_Macready! Stop taking so long! We’re not dating anymore,, and you don’t need to get dressed up for me, mate._

What a cock. Macready hit the end call button once again, and told Miller to hold onto his fucking panties or knickers as the proper word would be. He shoved the phone back in his pocket, and opened the door to go freeze to death, in his silly croc slippers, on his way to Miller’s apartment to much of his dismay. He wasn’t even sure if he should meet with the guy after what happened earlier, but he rather get this very inappropriate talk over with then have a few more years of awkward work days.

Macready made it to the middle of the apartment area before he was stopped by Jensen who used his silent stealthy feet aug to sneak up on him. He turned around to look at the sleepy augmented man who looked absolutely adorable! The way he looked when he rubbed his eyes like a small child would when holding their security blankie and teddy bear. That was if the little boy was almost in his 40’s, shirtless, and made up of many machine bits that could stick a stick through his nuts. Take note that was almost an adorable comment number 2 that Macready was almost about to hang himself for. This didn’t stop him from poking at Jensen.

“Did you forget your blanket, Timmy?” Macready ruffled Jensen’s hair like he would tease a small child. Jensen just stared at the man in front of him with confusion. Macready sighed a bit before scuffing Jensen’s beard. “I know you prefer these then me touching your natural sticking up hair.” Macready wasn’t one to talk with how his hair was.

Jensen wanted to make a sarcastic comment and scold him for the beard rub, but really couldn’t find the energy to really do so. He really did enjoy it, but the urge to fall asleep on a bench somewhere was too strong within him, but he didn’t follow Macready out here to sleep like a hobo. That reason was to check up on his boyfriend to make sure everything was ok since he left without notice.

Macready saw the concern in his tired boyfriend’s eyes. He hated that look, but he had to play it cool, or Jensen’s social enhancer would pick up on it. “Go back to bed, Adam. I’m just going out for a bit to pick up some more beer since you seemed to have drunk it all. I’ll even pick you up some cancer sticks that you’ve been craving for some time.”

“While wearing that outfit?” Jensen looked up and down at Macready and noticed the crocodile slippers that brought a smile to his face. He was wearing his gift finally. He would let this one go if Macready really just wanted to get out, and get some fresh air at the grace of his ego. He didn’t believe him about the store, but this scene was just so satisfying to look at. “Ok. You win. You better take a picture of you at the store, and send it to my info link. I wanted to be able to smile like this more often, so my emotionless spectrum grows.” The last part was a jab for the earlier comment about him being a Robocop-Frankenstein.

“Love, watch yourself.” Macready rubbed the side of Jensen’s face, and watched him go back inside. Now, he had to get to Miller, and then go to the nearest God damn convenient store for a fucking selfie. At least there was liquor involved. He slapped the temple of his face, and wondered what he just got himself into. He was about to answer that question with some sanity when his phone vibrated again. Macready flipped it open to see another text from Miller.

_Stop pandering Jensen in front of my damn window, and get your sorry arse over here! Beard rubs coming from you were disturbing enough when you tried to do it with me when you made me grow out a beard!_

Macready responded back that Miller couldn’t grow a beard even if he tried, and random beard rubs was the best thing in the whole damn world. Miller didn’t seem to care about this fact of life, and once again, this time in very loud caps, told him to get his arse over to his place. Macready told him to stop wetting himself again, and arrived in front of Miller’s door a few minutes later after the ever-so threatening message of caps lock everything.

Miller opened the door for the man, and pulled him inside. Macready turned around to give a piece of his mind about the eeriest happenings of dislocating shoulder blades by sudden pulls, but stopped when he noticed Miller was in nothing but his underwear while holding two beers in his hand. Macready looked away, and didn’t even notice Miller tried to offer one to Macready. Miller had to shake the can to get Macready’s attention. Macready turned to the can, eyeing it suspiciously before taking it. He stared at it wondering if this was some kind of peace offering to make up for earlier. If it was he didn’t want it. He handed the can back to Miller, and decided he should just leave, and go take a selfie. Seeing Miller almost naked was something he also never wanted to see again, which was another great excuse to leave, and this was a bad sign that would lead to other things. Right now he wanted to be with his augmented bug, who would be hogging all the covers right about now.  

Miller noticed that Macready was about to leave, and step in front of the exit. “There a rush you have to be at, Mac?” Miller tried to offer the peace offering again.

Macready glared at Miller at the use of his nickname in this time and place. Now he knew that Miller really wanted something; especially, when he resorted to use of that name outside of work. Time to take two steps back and climb out the nearest window. Maybe if he was lucky he’d pray that he somehow not die when he landed on the hard concrete. “I have a very destructive humanoid sleeping in my bed that might need someone to sleep with, and possibly want to use what I am wearing as blackmail.”

“I think Jensen could live without your preppy high-maintenance presence for a few minutes.” Miller leaned into Macready’s personal space, and looked down at the slippers.  
“Why are you wearing those?”

Macready had a really bad feeling about this. He leaned away from Miller’s attempts to lean into him as he tried to pull out his phone to call for his boyfriend to come shove a nanoblade up Miller’s ass along with burning the shoes, but it was ninjaed out of his hands by Miller. Miller being the curious asshole he was absent-mindlessly looked through Macready’s contacts. He was a bit disappointed to see that his number wasn’t logged in but Jensen’s was. How convenient that it was on speed dial too. Now this was something. What would happen if Miller attempted to call Jensen’s automatic blue tooth?

“Mac, what would happen if I decide to tempt fate, and call up your boyfriend that you tried to make me kiss earlier?” Miller leaned more into Macready’s personal space till their chests were touching. “And was really far up into my own personal space like I am with you right now?” He ran a hand up the younger man’s thigh with the two beer cans. Macready was squirming trying to get away from the foreign touch. This amused Miller a bit as he knew all the man’s weaknesses with the use of cold that not even Jensen knew about. Miller even wondered if Macready told Jensen about his bed kinks. Oh how Miller wanted to push Macready further into an attempt to cause some payback on the emotional scale with all this juicy possible blackmail.

“You really are something, Mac. Flaunting your lover in front of me by doing some inappropriate things that should go to human resources if we even had one on base. You would be fired immediately!” Miller sat the beers and phone on the table, and dipped his hand into Macready’s back side of his sweat pants.

Macready’s eyes narrowed when he felt Miller’s hands decide to get a bit playful and squeeze his cheeks. He put his hands onto Miller’s chest to push him off with one of his own military techniques he learned from hands on assault, but Miller had the upper hand on him with his own experience, and the fact he could predict Macready’s every move, and this gave him an easily accessible way to pin him to the counter to the point where he couldn’t even move without rubbing their crotches together.

Miller leaned into Macready’s ear. He was ready to start this psychological warfare again. “Let me tell you the story of a little man with a somewhat winnable superiority complex over a certain augmented man. But does it really make the man superior when he doesn’t even have the balls to talk about his past life that consisted of alcohol abuse, and murdering an unborn child by punching the mother where the child laid within?”

Macready froze in his struggle to escape. His heart skipped a beat when Miller was making him relive those horrible memories with his last wife all those years ago when he told Jensen that he “stepped away from the field” was for this very reason. He also didn’t want to listen to this, and tried to tune the man out by thinking of a naked sexy augmented man in his bedroom underneath him blissed out with contempt, or the fact that Miller was Jensen leaning over him like this.

“How did prison life treat that man you think? I heard there was a different type of mold that was shaped there and still existed in that broken man. The military might have tried to sculpt one half, but the other half we may never know.” Miller pulled away from Macready’s ear to move to his neck.  

Miller was about to speak up again, but Macready wouldn’t let him get the last word. “You’re a piece of shit father who doesn’t deserve any type of happiness.”

Miller bit down on Macready’s neck hard for that comment. Macready grunted. He wasn’t going to say anything about the pain. He wasn’t going to play his game with the mind games of past abuse he received and delivered. The two were never going to get away from one another, and they will end up trying to always 1-up one another. Macready knew it had to stop for the sake of his own relationship, and he didn’t even know what he was going to tell Jensen in the morning about the giant red mark that was going to appear on his neck once Miller was done attempting to suck his blood out. Just wait it out. The unbearable sounds and sucking would be over soon. Use this time to think of a plan to lie to Jensen.

Eventually Miller did pull away to examine his handiwork. The skin was bruised and was swollen to the point where it looked like Macready got bit by a really nasty spider with a full set of teeth. The analogy wasn’t too far off from the sting of Miller’s teeth. “You were always so angry during our relationship that I had to resort to physical violence when you put me in that position, Mac.”

Yes, as Macready’s face was once again proof enough for that comment. Macready closed his eyes, and ignored the fact that now Miller was sucking off the other side of his neck now. This time it was gentle, and felt like a lover’s kiss. Like the ones Miller would give him at one point in their relationship. The type of game Miller wanted Macready to give in to. Don’t give into the game. Giving into any moans and showing facial expressions of pleasure would only give Miller what he wanted and probably to be used against him. The shaking however was something he couldn’t control, which seemed good enough for Miller anyways.

Miller pulled away to examine this sides handiwork. It was perfect and clean. If one were to look at this side then anyone would think he got some. Now all he had to do was put chisel into the mold. “Oh come off the stone cold facade, Mac. What reason do you have to save face for? You don’t have a daughter on the verge of dying from an incurable disease that no medicine on this planet can help her, nor can your significant other can get pregnant with any kids that can get such diseases. Unless wherever he was knocked out for nearly a year at gave him a hidden uterus with alternating some of his sperm into ovaries, which doesn’t sound so far-fetched nowadays considering we’re living in the age of Robocop’s and terminators.”

What the? Macready didn’t even know what to say much less trying to understand what Miller was getting at. If Jensen ever somehow get pregnant by some spliced up shit he probably freak out first, run for the hills, and then run back to tell him he was excited he was going to be a father. Then make love to him all night, and then go out shopping for baby clothes the very next day. Now he was wondering why he was even trying to justify something that would possibly never happen. He just knew while Miller was distracted enough by the neck hickies that he had enough time to reach for the phone.

Miller snapped out of the admiring scene when he heard the numbers from the speed dial going off. He quickly smashed his fist on Macready’s hand like a gavel. Not enough to hurt or leave marks, just strong to make him drop the phone to the floor.  

“I am not done talking!” Miller picked the phone off the floor, and saw that it was still ringing. ‘Jensen has so many healing capabilities that I doubt a child he would bare would ever come out deformed, die from being too sick. Unlike my daughter whose life depended on my signature for those damned things. Yes, nearly two years since I’ve been informed about the life saving treatment, and I am killing her without saying yes to my ex-husband!”

Miller let go of Macready and stared at him with a sickening sadness that made Macready’s stomach fall. “What am I even doing with you? This was not where this was supposed to lead to; especially, to weird conversations about how Jensen becoming pregnant!” Miller dropped Macready’s phone to the ground and propped himself down on the pillows under the staircase. He debated if he wanted to suffocate himself now or later. He didn’t really want any witnesses.

Macready took in a deep breath, and picked up his phone hoping that the screen wasn’t cracked. He let out a breath of relief when it wasn’t. He really didn’t want to call the carrier his phone came from to explain why the see-through glass was cracked when it was made of the plexi glass nowadays used in those nifty aquariums.

“Mac, I am sorry for what I’ve done to you.” Miller wasn’t really, but he didn’t want Macready to leave on this bad note, and tell a much augmented man what just happened here. He did know he wasn’t in his right mind with everything that has happened between him and Macready. This was also not the first time something like this has gotten to a point where someone gets hurt.

Macready had to play this cool if he wanted to make sure he wasn’t somehow murdered in the bathroom at work tomorrow. After all the cameras were magically disabled of course. He made a mental note to Chang to keep a watchful eye on the security room to make sure no one was going to tamper with it. That would also mean dealing with his paranoia for a month on end. He’ll live. There was also a better way to play this off then what? With a devil’s gambit?  “Miller, mate, I understand that you’re upset, but there was definitely some inappropriate touching going on my back side there. Was that supposed to get me off while you continue to talk down on me while pretending to be a vampire?”

Miller just looked at the man like he forgot what happened earlier in the day. “Really, Mac? You want to throw that alternative trump card at me?”

Macready covered his neck with his hands. “I can explain this to Jensen with either a lie or the truth. Even if he was a bit mentally unstable right now. I can say two bugs were oh-so madly in love with my sexy skin that they decided to have a midnight snack. We do have night time bugs that like to make nests here during the winter. Kind of like a bear hibernates sleep, but with bugs instead. I’m just hoping the teeth marks you put into me will fade enough for him to buy it in the morning.”

“Cute. I’m sure he’ll easily see past that lie if you can’t control that high blood pressure and that heart rate of yours.” Miller motioned for Macready to come over. “I won’t lay my hand or mouth on you. We were never really two peas in a pod, and I doubt will ever be three. Too much company for my taste. The only thing romantically attractive on Jensen was those eyes of his. They change colors like a mood ring at times, and that was just so fascinating to watch.”

Macready wasn’t sure if he should defend Jensen’s honor or not, and he still wasn’t coming over there to sit his bubbly butt on those pillows. Instead he took one of the beers off the counter, opened it, and took a couple of sips before talking again. “You’re the one who started imagining him pregnant. I don’t think I can handle an emotional range of a teaspoon moody cyborg for nine months. His systems in his brain might get over loaded with crying, which would be a first for me to see if he even has tear ducts, and wanting to kill me for getting him whale size, and here you’re the one worried about getting a blade shoved up your arse.” He left out the fact out about baby clothes.

Miller shook his head at the thought. A very moody Jensen would be no doubt not be very fun, but what if…“What if I make it worth your while with Jensen at work? What was the one thing that I have over Jensen that you’re supposed to have first rights to unless certain circumstances were brought into play? You constantly bitched about it to your teammates in e-mails.”

“Are you trying to tell me I have full control over what Jensen does as long as I go back to that particularly angry routine?” No way was he going to stoop down to that level of authority. It would be like the first time he met Jensen, and he wasn’t about to go back to old habits that he worked hard to break out of. “You can give me my chain-of-command back all you want that was supposed to be mine to begin with, but I am in an actual relationship with said person if you failed to notice that. I already fuck him at work to piss you off. I don’t need him pissed off after hours.”

“You’re acting like he was a fragile creature at one point. Jensen can take care of himself, and I have the confidence that you and him will make it work. Personally I want it to work so you and I can have a better relationship that doesn’t include borderline rape.” Miller looked down at his chess set that was in front of him. He started messing around with the pieces while he waited for Macready to answer.

Macready’s anger started to flare up. “Mate, you don’t want to do a song and dance there with me. You have no idea what Jensen has even been through, and it took nearly a year for him to open up to me, and this was after the hard shit you and I put him through; especially, when you made him go to that fucking prison as an undercover.”

This conversation was starting to grow boring to Miller. He rather just play with the chess set by himself with a bottle of win, and get angry at himself when he lost to himself. Maybe just humor the angry deputy a little longer. This was almost over with. “He got the job done didn’t he? What has be been telling you about that co-op anyways? You know what I don’t want to know. I don’t even care right now. You can have your chain-of-command back. Just get out now.”

Macready was fuming at the mouth with spitting rage that he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from going off on Miller. “Not the point. He didn’t even take that fixer pill to get his aug’s back. He said he has gone through much more pain than that, but I don’t believe him when he was running around the riots and wards with a skipping heart beat every few minutes just to please your bosses.”

Miller chuckled as he moved one of the pawns on the chess board. “Yet, who was the one who was always off on his own without following procedures or orders? Jensen being a leader himself from his SWAT and Sarif days would make one not want to follow orders given by angry people so easily, but he does get the job done. You’re not even that much shorter than him, so even you can stand up in his face when he doesn’t try to tower over you when you’re leaning your back away from him.”

Macready didn’t even respond to that comment. He crushed the can, and threw the empty it on the ground. He ignored Miller’s calls for him to come back and clean up the mess. He really didn’t give a fuck. He stopped just a few feet from his apartment door, and looked at the night sky that was sparkling with stars. “God, what the fuck did I ever do to you?”

“Duncan?”

Macready jumped. “Jesus, Jensen! Don’t interrupt a man when one was trying to bargain with the universe.” Macready turned around to see Jensen standing there with the blanket wrapped around his body like it was a cloak. He quirked an eyebrow at the site. “Are you pretending to be an assassin?”

“I received a missed call from you about an hour ago. Sorry I didn’t answer earlier. I had my info link on silent. Did you forget your credit chips at home for the beer?” Jensen held the door open with his back. “Come on. The sky heard you, and sent me to tell you to come inside, and alcohol wasn’t worth getting at midnight.”

Macready just looked at Jensen’s feet. He still wasn’t over what Miller said, and he doesn’t want to accidentally take it out on Jensen. “Go back to bed, love. I am not in the mood for your dry sense of humor.”

Jensen’s CASIE system went off as he noticed Macready’s heart rate was slightly elevated. He didn’t want to pry into the man’s mind at the moment with questions, and he was told before that using his CASIE was indeed an invasion of privacy. It was also late, and if there was going to be any yelling or screaming he rather wait till morning where all the neighbors were gone. Macready also didn’t need to be standing out in this cold. “I have a comfortable blanket wrapped around me that I am willing to share this time. I’ll even let you swat me in the head with the slippers that I know you hate so much.”

Macready rolled his eyes at Jensen’s attempts to comfort him, and it was starting to get on his nerves with his sappiness. “I said go back to bed, Jensen. I won’t tell you again.”

Jensen’s smile faded. He really wanted to turn on his CASIE to persuade Macready to calm down since Macready was on the verge of screaming at him if he opened his mouth again. He still decided against it. He was going to handle this in a different way since acting concerned for his boyfriend was considered a bad thing right now. He didn’t even realize that Macready had walked into his apartment till he pushed him off the door and slammed it. At least he was inside finally.

Jensen followed Macready to the kitchen to see he was by the microwave heating up some leftover pizza. Time to act in good faith to make sure Macready didn’t go to bed angry and wake up angry like he did at the start of their relationship. “I’ll clean up the living room table really quickly.” Jensen threw the blanket across the couch.

“You do that.” Macready being impatient, angry, and hungry canceled the timer set on the microwave when he thought it was taking too long, and pulled out the still cold pizza. “Your fucking American version of pizza won’t even heat up at the time I set it for like the British pizza’s I eat, because of how fucking deep-deep this was!”

Jensen chuckled a bit to himself at the joke that he was sure Macready wasn’t going to catch on to. Maybe lighten up the mood with their friendly banter like they did at the bar and grill? “Just admit you’re terrible at heating things up in the microwave as you are boiling water.”

Macready was too tired to handle Jensen’s playful gripes at him, and with Miller in his head he probably shouldn’t have even started talking or throw the breakable dish at the wall, which made Jensen step back a bit and throw his hands up in the way he always does when trying to appease the situation. “Oh fuck you! At least I didn’t have a God damn panic attack when we were having sex. You nearly crushed my fucking back with those rigs!”

Jensen didn’t say anything as Macready advanced on him, and looked at Jensen’s eyes. Miller was right when he said he was merely a hairline taller then he was. Good. He was going to use this to his fucking advantage. “Get a fucking grip on yourself, Jensen! I’m not going to be here forever to baby you through your panic attacks that you can’t seem to control, because your body filters out anxiety medicine! Maybe take some yoga classes like I recommended Chang to do!”

Macready was starting to feel better, and a heavy weight seemed to have been raised off his shoulders; or so that what it seemed to be. He sure wasn’t done down-talking his lover yet. “There are going to be days I won’t have you, and you need to know that.” Macready backed Jensen to the wall, and placed his hands on either side of his head before leaning into his personal space like Miller did to him earlier.

“You want to know what I was doing outside in those fucking hideous things you bought me? I was talking to Miller about how you’re back in my chain-of-command, and how much I am going to enjoy getting under your fucking skin like the time you called me pig-headed you hanzer!” Macready noticed that Jensen’s shades were back over his eyes like he was trying to hide his facial expression.

“Take those damn things off when I am talking to you. I am tired of not being able to see you when you want to hide behind your emotions.” Macready waited for Jensen to take off the shades, but he never did. “Fine. Have it your way. I am still going to talk. I have a lot of built up anger with you right now.” With Miller. Not with Jensen.

Jensen was at a lot for words like he was with Stanek the day he promised to save his daughter when he decided to go with Alex instead to help out his double life instead. Not that he was the only one with a double life. Ever since GARM he has less trust in both Chikane and Azuenne as he suspected them being double agents for the Illuminati by putting the pieces together since he found out Miller wasn’t involved in any of it besides the whole “following orders” bit. That was for another story that Jensen pushed in the back of his head as he still hasn’t told Macready what he does on and off work hours, and if he ever found out shit would go south real quick. Eventually he would have to tell him if they ever moved in together, and start questioning where he goes in the middle of the night. Maybe they can even team up to help take down the people responsible. Doesn’t mean his feelings for the man were fake. He really did care about the older man even when he was chewing him out with hurtful words.

“Are you even listening, Jensen?” Macready thunked the man in the head. “You’re acting like you left the planet! This proved my point exactly! I’m tired of holding onto you, and saving you from your demons. I give up.”

Jensen’s shades retracted. “What are you trying to say to me, Duncan?”

Macready looked into Jensen’s eyes to see that the shine he saw in them was no longer there. A tinge of guilt spread over his face. Fuck he was an asshole. “I don’t know what I am trying to say. I am just angry with the way things are going lately. I-“ Macready stopped talking when he saw Jensen start to slide down against the wall he was leaning up against.

“Adam?” Macready knelt down, and noticed that Jensen started to breathe heavily as he was doing his best to cover up the fact he was having a panic attack with his TITAN aug and breathalyzer activated. This was new to Macready as he knew all the aug’s Jensen had, but the first time one of his panic attacks made him want to shut himself out.

“Christ, Adam, calm down, ok? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said. I am fucking mad at Miller, it wasn’t my place to take all this shit going on out on you, and for that I am sorry. I am really sorry. Please, Adam. Work with me, love.”  Macready grabbed Jensen, and kept repeating the words over and over till Jensen would calm down.

Jensen’s body was starting to relax when the soothing words of his lover started to run his harder than rock back. It was difficult for Macready to find spots that wouldn’t poke a hole through his hand. He was ok with this as long as Jensen eventually calmed down, and hopefully not poke a hole through his own chest. He just needed to keep saying calming words to him.

“Come on, Adam. Relax. You’re going to use up all your energy leaving two of your aug’s open at the same time even with you sitting in one position. I don’t have anything to perk your energy back to a full bar either in this place. I’m going to have to start keeping some around now.”  Macready helped Jensen up when his TITAN slowly went away. That was a huge sigh of relief for Macready. “Come on.”

Macready helped Jensen up, and the two ended up in the large bathroom that Jensen had always been jealous of. A giant shower, a nice tub, and for some reason more unused floor space, which needed a sense of decoration, then his whole entire place combined. His jealously seemed to show a bit when Macready made a comment that he could admire the scenery later when he had all his clothes off, and was in the shower. Jensen didn’t argue with the man, and stripped off all his clothes. He stood there with his arms across his chest, and looking at the ground again. He still felt a little uneasy that Macready had to see one of his attacks get this bad.

“Adam, I’ve seen you naked many times already, and helped you through your panic attacks. You’re going to hop in that shower, and rinse yourself off. I am joining you as neither one of us took showers tonight, and I don’t feel like taking one in about four hours from now.”  Macready stripped himself of his clothing and slippers. “Set the water the way you wanted, but please don’t set it to a ‘burn the skin’ off as an act of revenge.”

Jensen got in the shower with Macready following behind him. He was use to showering alone at his own home, and never really once tried it with Macready. It felt nice and different in an exceptional way. He didn’t feel the need to lean against the wall, or feel ashamed of what he has become. He was about to close his eyes and relax when he felt Macready running his hands against his rigs, and bars with a washcloth. He leaned back into it. Macready had a way with making him feel good with just his hands. Just pushing at all the right points to make him moan out.

“I see you’re still sensitive in all the right places, love.” Macready leaned up, and kissed the spot he marked on Jensen’s neck. “What do you want?”

Jensen pushed back against Macready. He knew what he wanted, and he wasn’t even being very discrete about it. Cheeky personality coming right up! “Personally? I want a nap, and maybe one of those drinks you like from Starbucks.” His sarcasm was rewarded with fruity smelling body wash fingers inside of him. “That won’t make me shut up, and if I smell like honey and watermelons I am going to tell, Aria.”

“I could persuade you with my own social enhancer. It’s called my secret box of sex toys that involve taping that pretty mouth of yours shut. I also always wanted to bend you over on all fours, put an EMP collar around your neck, and make you feel vulnerable in such a way you would want this natural to show you how great military sex can feel.” Macready pulled his fingers out, and lined himself up with Jensen’s entrance. “Brace the wall, and if you do tell Argento then I am telling her about all the sex we had in her office. Then she will really never talk to you again.”   

Military sex? Jensen had no idea what he even meant by that. “Fair enough, but…” Jensen grabbed Macready roughly, and pulled him as close as he could inside him.

“You want to play like that? Fine. Just don’t bruise my thighs with your tight grip of death.” Macready smashed Jensen against the wall, and started moving in and out of him quickly. He wasn’t bothering to take it slow as that was obvious to enough to him that Jensen wanted to feel whatever this was. Whatever Jensen wanted Jensen would get tonight.

Jensen tilted his neck to the side to allow Macready better access to his neck. Macready took that as an invitation, and went back over the mark with his lips. He started sucking on the same spot again, digging his teeth in there while moving one of his hands to Jensen’s cock, and stroked it. That really sent Jensen over the edge as he accidentally used his weight to push Macready back off the wall, and slide more towards the glass on the other side of the shower. Macready stopped moving, and looked at him like he was loosing control of his strength.

“Do I really need to get a collar to put on you right now? Or are you purposely doing this to get a rise out of me?” Macready started moving again when Jensen didn’t comment back. “Damn, I know I am good, but you’re unbelievably sensitive to touch tonight.”

“I never asked for it, but I do enjoy what we do. I haven’t been touched in a long time by someone who actually cares. A new feeling for me.” Jensen turned his head to Macready and kissed him.

Macready had no complaints to that as he hoisted Jensen’s leg up some, and started hitting him in an angle that pushed Jensen immediately over the edge. Macready smirked into Jensen’s mouth as he fucked him with full force and without consequence till he had his fill as well from his lover.

Jensen turned around to face his lover, and did his usual wrapping hands around Macready’s neck before nuzzling his beard. “Wet beard nuzzle.”

Macready rolled his eyes at the sentiment, but ruffled Jensen’s hair in response. “I like seeing your hair like this when I ruffle it. For some reason gravity defies your pointy hair sometimes when you shower, and it always seems to still be sticking up.”

“I’ve never noticed.” Jensen smiled, which was another sigh of relief for him. “We still haven’t bathed, and the water has gone cold.”

“Ah well, shit happens. Don’t you have some augment that lets you move your hands around quickly? If so use that to bathe both of us, so we don’t freeze to death.”

Jensen shrugged. “I’ll see what I can do.”


	4. The Use Of...What Use? There Was No Use For Excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will one resort to when they get so desperate? Maybe a change of pace? Change of heart? Blackmail? A dinner date? All seem to be the easiest on a broken heart. Even if it doesn't realize it wasn't broken at all. Every broken heart recovers with due time. Desperation? That can last an eternity when one's heart was in the right place with the wrong mentality.

Macready was the one to wake up first, which wasn’t saying much since he really only got three hours of pretend sleep, from his restless sleep to enjoy a nice cup of brewed fresh British coffee of some sort. That he was the plan if the heavy lump next to him wasn’t clinging to him like a squid again. With a heavy tired eye roll followed by a very tiring sigh, Macready shifted himself in his bed to get in a more comfortable position where Jensen’s head wasn’t attempting to crush the right side of his chest. To no avail was anything working. He could just shove him off, but then it would ruin the cuteness, and yes he still despised that thought. He looked up to his ceiling, and prayed to the almighty crevices to shoot him now to end his pain with heavy sedatives. They ignored him of course like everything else in the room.

“Damn, you do weigh a metric ton.” Macready sat up some more to give himself some leg room or tried to. He looked down at his source of his problem to see Jensen was smirking proudly as he wrapped his arms tighter around the man.

Macready wanted to tear Jensen’s hair out, since he didn’t have much of his own to do so, and make him eat it for making him sit for longer then he needed to when he was awake this whole time. He settled with a gentle hair pull instead before ruffling it to the point where a tornado ran through Jensen’s hair. That woke Jensen up with a non-amused face, and tried to fix his hair back in its spiked position. Payback was a bitch. So much of a bitch he messed it up again till Jensen leaped off of him to go fix his hair while glaring at him like he just touched something sacred. Winner goes to the guy who doesn’t get any more hugs and beard rubs for about 20 years.

“I am going to drink all your coffee before you can get any.” Jensen shouted from the bathroom.  This gave him time to think of a sneaky plot to get back at Macready. Yes, a Pinky and the brain type plot. Maybe not that complicated. Think, Jensen, think. What universal product do people steal the most? Pants of course! “And I am stealing your pants.”

Jensen ran to Macready’s closet before he could stop him, and puts on Macready’s pants. Now to add salt to the wound besides doing the jiggle dance in other peoples pants? “Stealing a shirt!” Jensen randomly grabbed a long black sleeve turtle neck shirt out of Macready’s closet and put it on. He examined himself in the bathroom mirror, and thought how good he looked. “Who wore it better?”

“Not you. The fact you didn’t put on underpants either disturbed me. Go use the wash to clean your clothes. You can keep the pants too.” Macready got out of bed, fetched his uniform from one of the hangers, and joined Jensen in the bathroom. Jensen was just standing there looking at him with curiousness. Macready didn’t ask any questions, and hung his clothes neatly on the door hanger. He could hear Jensen rinsing out his mouth, loudly, behind him.

“Jesus Christ man, don’t you have anything better to do then get in my way while I am trying to brush my teeth? And you better have not put your lips on my bottle! I don’t want your second hand germs!” Déjà vu. Macready felt the saying since he said something similar at work a few years ago every time Jensen would come into his office just to get into his personal space to pester him about anything or everything. Now he thought karma was just trying to be cruel to him for even saying those mean things to Jensen.

“Then you probably don’t want to know where my mouth has been when I used your mouth wash before.” Jensen wiggled the bottle in front of Macready’s crotch. “Little guy down here really spurts out a lot of germs.”

“Bigger than yours.” Macready grabbed the bottle and small paper cup out of its dispenser. “I’ll show you how to properly pour mouth wash and teach you how to rinse without splashing the shit on my mirror.”

“This the part where I learn about personal hygiene before or after blow jobs? I don’t like to have minty breath before sucking you off, because it made me gag on the smell the last time you told me to rinse my mouth properly after eating.” Jensen grabbed the cup out of Macready’s hands, and swished the contents in his mouth, purposely making loud noises. He could see Macready’s annoyance rise through a vein popping out of his angry looking forehead. Jensen thought about poking it, but decided not to taunt the man anymore as he spat in the sink, and handed the empty cup back to Macready. “Double the mint after smell now for kissing.”

“Oh my God, please help me.” Macready rubbed his forehead again. “Ok, I get it. Get out! I cant deal with your playful mood this early!” Macready pushed his boyfriend out the door, and then locked it behind him. He hoped that Jensen wasn’t going to use his super strength to punch through the door just to get back inside. Then he would owe the landlord a hell of a lot of money for having another broken thing that he paid rent for on his tab thanks to Jensen and his destructive habits at times. Having an augmented boyfriend sure was hard.

Jensen shrugged his shoulders, and decided to past time by exploring Macready’s closet. He noticed a few t-shirts in there earlier that he was curious about. He looked behind him to make sure Macready was still in the bathroom doing whatever. Using his augmented eye he saw that he was too busy fighting with a pair of pants that just wouldn’t fit him right. Jensen couldn’t help but think the sight was just ever so precious. A yelling-at-clothes-Macready always got him through his day by making him laugh over the silliest of things. Even if he couldn’t see it. That was his Macready for him. Shaking his head Jensen went back to the hunt for the buried treasure quest. He hoped to strike gold soon, and use it for some sexual blackmail. Then Macready would really have something to yell at him for.

“Come out, come out buried treasure wherever you are.” Jensen pulled some boxes out, and looked through them to find some old grunge band t-shirts from the early 90’s that were three sizes too small to fit now. Jensen pulled out one shirt from the box, held it up in front of him, and looked to see there was a yellow outlined stick figured face that looked like it was drawn by a five year old on it. A five year old with a weird sense of deathly humor. Who sticks out their tongue when they died? Jensen checked the rest of the shirt, and below the face a band called “Nirvana” was printed in the same yellow color.

“Why are you digging through my regrettable life style?” Macready had snuck up behind Jensen causing the younger man to jump some.

“I like learning about you. I thought maybe this would have been one of your ex’s nieces or nephews honestly. Wasn’t expecting it to be yours.” Jensen folded the shirt back up neatly, and placed it back in the box.

“Pfft, please, love. You were still in nappies when the legendary Kurt Cobain died, and that band really did make a difference in so many awkward and real ways around the world.” Macready grabbed a smaller box, and looked through his childhood. “I can’t believe you went through these old relics.”

“Couldn’t resist when I saw a shirt hanging out. Also, when I turn on my enhanced vision it gives me an even deeper look at your personal childhood.” To make a point he turned on his enhanced vision to show Macready how dilated his pupils would get. Macready didn’t seem more annoyed then impressed. Jensen wasn’t too bothered by it. He scanned over Macready’s outfit to see if he was hiding any regrettable tattoo’s, and as soon as he got to the man’s neck he saw a blemish of some sort that looked like some kind of teeth marks? Jensen turned off his augmented eye, and hid his suspicion away for now. He’ll deal with the culprit, Miller, when he made it to work.

“So in other words you can see through walls, but can’t see through skin.” Macready was still not as impressed as he thought he would have been as he put the box of vintage clothes back in its dark corner of the closet.  Now that task was done they could get some coffee. “Come on, Superman, time for some coffee.”

“Oh come on. I want to find more vintage treasure from your embarrassing childhood.” Jensen looked in the corner again, and saw another box. This one was the largest of them all. Maybe this one had a Barbie Dream House in it or some kind of GJ Joe fortress. Jensen grinned at that. The thought of Macready being forced to play with Barbie dolls due to four sisters sounded absolutely terrifying but drool worthy black mail. “Am I going to find pop band t-shirts in this one? Was N’Sync and Backstreet Boys part of your playlist to while I was in diapers? Or maybe Barbie and Ken?”

Macready wasn’t playing this game anymore with Jensen. Just because he played with Barbie’s with his younger sisters when he was younger doesn’t mean he still had them. At least he hoped so. Best to stick with the second initial thought. “What about you? By the age of boy bands you should have been into Mario, and harassing your mum and dad about buying you the latest skip-it, or in your case watching Blue’s Clues.” 

“I was satisfied with my different colored chalk for the side walk.” Jensen opened the box to see memento’s from Macready’s war days instead. All worthy of hanging up. “I don’t see a purple heart.”

“Yeah, well, if I more than just a scar on my face I probably would have, but was not worthy enough to your dismay, I know. You’ll just have to find some way to cope with it. Now if you don’t mind put the shit back in the dark corner of my past. Thanks.” Macready closed the box, and pointed to where it needed to go.

Jensen being Jensen didn’t know when to let things go. “Really? I think you should hang all this stuff up. You can even have your own area like in a museum dedicated to all the heroic stuff you did. How does ‘Grumpy Old Man’s Memorial View’ sound? I’ll even make the first visit free; on the house.”

On the house? In his own home? Macready wanted to smack Jensen for attempting to push his buttons. He wasn’t going to show that they’ve been pushed already. Stick to the first gut instinct: don’t play the game when he knew he would lose his temper, and might push Jensen into another panic attack. “Forget the jokes and put it back. Now.”

“I know you have more boxes or at least a secret passage to your uniforms from your days with the UK’s Special Forces. Do you keep a sniper rifle hidden there as well? I know Miller has one sitting next to his computer in his secret entrance.” Jensen pulled back Macready’s clothes to peek in. “Why do you have so many boxes? Am I going to find a dead body, embarrassing photos, or shoes? Are you a shoe person?”

Macready grabbed Jensen by the back of his collar, yanked him out of his things before he discovered, those embarrassing photos and shoes that do indeed exist. “You’re making me angry, agent.”

“Using your work tone here has no effect on me, boss.” Jensen shrugged off Macready’s hand.

“Love, I know you have your secrets, and I know what the word was on the street about you when you go out and help people. Not even just that. Prague doesn’t exactly have a line of silence here, but you really can’t hide the fact I know you’re part of the Collective.” Not a route Macready was planning on going down on this ship with, but if Jensen was going to use those naked baby butt photos as blackmail later on down the road, if he ever opened the boxes, then he would. Not really. He just sometimes likes Jensen expose his own truth with a bit of a button push himself.

Jensen didn’t have a counter argument towards that. He was a bit taken back about how Macready found out about his work with the collective. Yes, word does spread about people in the shadows that drones think they spot, but how did he even get caught by this man? He made sure no one was every following him, and Macready was the last person he ever expected to catch him. The situation also didn’t help that he had zero grounds to defend himself on or change Macready’s mind. Either solution would just make him look defensive and guilty. He wondered if Miller or other people knew about it as well.

“You’ve gone quiet since I’ve spoken about your truth. Honestly, I am not going to say or do anything. I was just pulling your leg to keep you out of my stuff. You really just need to be more careful with all these safe steps you seem to have grown accustomed too.” Macready’s last bit was implied that he had caught him talking to Vega all because he was curious where Jensen would go sometimes during work hours. Macready did know a thing or two about augmented men in his branch sneaking around when he wasn’t looking. All those years studying, learning, and drilling them till their screws literally popped out of their sockets taught him when to push and not get pushed back.

“Well, I do appreciate that, but that seemed like a low blow to me. Does anyone else know about this?” Jensen grabbed his coat from the hanger, and scrunched his nose at how badly it smelled. He’ll need to make an appointment with his tailor to tell him how to get the stink out and the stains out. He had it perfectly designed just for his hidden spots too.  He took his dirty clothes, and threw them in an empty hamper. He would do wash later tonight. Maybe even Macready’s if he started being nice to him.

“No. Just me. I don’t plan on telling Miller either, and all this bickering made us miss a chance for me to brew that lovely coffee.” Macready let out an over dramatic sigh to get a point across to Jensen to never come between him and his coffee and childhood ever again. Jensen got the point when Macready kept talking about the aroma of coffee beans, vanilla latte’s, and how Jensen wouldn’t last two minutes in his unit as they walked out the door.

Jensen snapped his shades back into place as he adjusted the coat on his arm. Regardless of how it smelled the thing was still very expensive, and he wanted it to be semi-neat and ready for battle when they got into the office. It also served as a great distraction from speculation of what happened last night when Macready stepped out, and the fact there are teeth marks on his boyfriend’s neck. He didn’t even notice Macready was side eyeing him suspiciously by the way he was tailing back.

“You got something on your mind, Jensen?” Macready stopped Jensen’s hands from trying to fix what wasn’t considered broken, and gently rubbing his thumb over it. “Your jacket won’t come clean the way you move it around.”

Jensen looked down at Macready’s hands over his. It wasn’t the typical feel of a human touch, but it felt nice. He knew Macready wasn’t exactly the overly romantic type with wanting to hold hands or cuddle, but when he was he felt the urge to hold onto it, and not let go of the moment. Jesus, Jensen felt attention starved. It really had been a long time since his last relationship where he was touched like this. He knew he shouldn’t over do it with Macready though. He drove him to the point of questioning their relationship when he had that panic attack during their first round of sex. He didn’t want him to question the sudden clinging. He quickly pulled away from Macready’s hands, and went back to fidgeting with his jacket.

“Do you have trouble listening?” Macready grabbed Jensen’s hand again. “Just stop. I don’t know why you’re doing this, and you’re obviously not going to tell me why I supposed?”

Jensen looked down at Macready holding his hand. “No and ok.”

Macready saw a very small smile displayed back on Jensen’s face, and it made him wonder if the light was starting to come back into his eyes since he took it out of him yesterday. Either way he was glad to see this side of him. Something he himself needed to take a lesson from. He even ignored all the stares, and apparently so does the TF29 employee’s. Macready ignored them, and saw Argento running towards them.

“Mac, I need to steal Adam away from you for a second!” Argento smiled at Macready, and dragged Jensen to her office before Macready could ask any questions. Once there she quietly closed the door, and made sure that no one was outside of it. She then turned to Adam, and held up a finger to not say a word like they were being watched. Jensen wondered if some of Chang’s personality had worn off on the poor woman.

“Something wrong?” Jensen leaned against the wall. “You looked pretty upset.”

“Yes. Miller…Miller was acting strangely coming in today. I was on my way to make myself a coffee from our so-called cafeteria when he came by, and started asking questions about you. Not the typical work related ones you would ask a co-worker either. I didn’t like it. He looked tired and upset about something, and that put the fear of God in me. He really looked like he wanted to strike me down for a moment. I’ll write down some of the things he said.” Argento took out a notepad from her desk, and started to scribble some notes on it before handing it to Jensen.

Jensen took the pad, and started reading over the notes. They were a bit odd he agreed. The questions were asking him about his favorite foods other than cereal, where he liked to eat at, favorite type of clothing attire he liked his companion wear when going out, romantic movies, and something about scented candles. There was even a section of questions for Macready too. Mostly asking about has he stopped being angry, how was his neck, and then went on a rant about how sorry he was for doing that to him. What a weird list. Jensen shoved the it in his pocket.

“Copy that. Thanks, Aria. I will give the list to Macready. Do you know why he asked you these questions?” Jensen fidgeted with his jacket again. He was nervous about the answers he was about to be given.

“Sounded to me like he wanted to go on a date with you, but he knows you’re with Mac. I am not sure why he even asked me these things about both of you. I know he and Mac used to date, but…” Argento bit her lip. “I don’t think Director Miller has lost his mind or anything, but maybe something is making him confused? You should talk to him, Adam. Carefully.”

“I will. Don’t worry, Aria.” Jensen didn’t say anything more after that, and walked out of the office. He contemplated while walking up the stairs if he should see Miller or Macready first. The odds weren’t in his favor for any of this to go his way today with either one of them. Maybe tell Macready first, so he was aware what Miller was trying to do? Be used as a witness for a murder? Or, take the behind-your-back route, and confront Miller head on about this whole mess? Both of them weren’t exactly being honest with Macready. He didn’t have to think much longer on what to choose when the speaker piped up that Miller wanted to see him in his office immediately.

Jensen didn’t need to be told twice as he made his way towards Miller’s office. He wondered if Macready was staring out the window of the counter terrorism department. Didn’t have time to check as he stepped into the director’s office. “You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Jensen! I am glad you’re here. I need to tell you something about last night, and I had a long night to to stay up and think about what to say. I tried to get some sleep, but after playing chess with myself I realize how much of a piece of shit I’ve been here lately.” Miller sat down in his chair and started rubbing his eyes. “Look, I know Macready told you about last night, and I want to explain my side of it. I want to clear up this whole mess.”

Jensen folded his arms across his chest. “So did you brand him with your teeth? Not exactly a subtle assault since you know I have a magpie eye.”

“Yes, I am aware. Probably why I have such a thing for your eyes in general. They’re like a mood ring, and you showed how much you cared when I was dying on that catering floor.”  Miller touched his desk to realize it was still sticky. “God, yesterday was such a dam mess.”

“That the real reason? If we are being honest I don’t like my eyes being yellow. They stay blue at times when I am at my highest moments, but when I am just like this they turn back to yellow.” Jensen went over to Miller, and leaned against the sticky desk.  “Back to the topic at hand, please. I am with Macready, you bit his neck, you tried to get into his pants with that obvious real time scenario, and now you’re trying to figure out what to do with me? Back off.”

“Jensen, just hear me out. I will be honest with you, and then you can decide to crush every bone in my body if you wish afterwards with whatever aug you wish to use. You can blow me through a window if you please.” Miller placed his hands against the side of his head and took a deep breath.  “What I did was out of line last night. I shouldn’t have bit him like that, but…”

Miller looked up at Jensen. He was going to look this man in the eye, and tell him the whole truth regardless of how much his hospital bill was about to be. “I called Macready, and asked him to come over. He did. We talked for a few minutes, I got angry by his big mouth, I bit him, made some snide comments afterwards while I was playing chess, and he made a mess out of my kitchen with alcohol before he left. I realized last night wasn’t the way to settle things with you or him.”

Jensen studied Miller. Jensen couldn’t really just let Miller get away with this could he? The man did look sorry among other things his face was giving away. Whatever tired face was there couldn’t hide the sadness. Be bold, Jensen, and ask the right questions. “Do you love us?”  

Miller looked at Jensen with a look that would cause a deer to freeze in the headlights. That was a question he wasn’t expecting. Should he be honest? There really was no reason to lie now. “I am in love with, Mac. You? I will grow to love you.” That was as honest as he could get.

“Why did you ask Aria those questions?” Jensen watched Miller stand up, and come face-to-face with him. He made no intention to back off as he let Miller bring their faces together.

Miller stroked with his fingers on Jensen’s face. “I wanted to ask you and Macready if you wanted to go on a date. We won’t go far from home, because it will literally be at my house.”

“To clear up the issues only?” Jensen retracted his sunglasses and leaned into Miller’s touch. Their foreheads touching one another. “Or something else?”

“How about both?” Miller tilted Jensen’s head, and gave him a kiss on his lips. He didn’t get a response back, and thought maybe he went too far? He pulled back, and was about to apologize when he was brought in again for another kiss. Miller stood there in shock, and wasn’t able to kiss back properly with a million thoughts running through his head right then and there. He was excited for it, and wanted to ravage the man on his desk. Push everything out of the way in the process to make love to him, but that might be a bit much for this questions and answers session. Miller pulled away from Jensen before he decided to act out his fantasy. He didn’t even realize the smile he was showing on his face to the aug was indeed genuine. Something he himself always thought he was never capable of doing again.

“Ask away.” Jensen plopped down in Miller’s desk with a smirk. He was in the mood to be playful again.

What do you normally like to eat for dinner?” Miller ran his hands across the shade bars on his face. “Do these ever get uncomfortable?”

“Whiskey. Make it Jack Daniels. No.” Jensen let Miller continue to do his thing with his hands. It didn’t feel uncomfortable since Macready did the same to him on about their second or third date.

“Take this seriously, please. Alcohol is not considered an alternative to actual food! You do need some actual nutrition in your diet, Jensen. No a bowl of ramen noodles doesn’t count either.” Miller moved his hand to Jensen’s neck, and took a look at the turtle neck he was wearing. “Why are you in Macready’s clothes?”

“Cereal with Whiskey as the base, and to get on his nerves.”  Jensen pulled Miller’s hand out of his shirt. “I’m sorry, but no more.”

“Fair enough. You can go back to your ‘boss’. I’ll give you the time to be at my apartment in your infolink later today.” Miller sat back down at his office, and started to type away at his keyboard. Jensen was still standing there giving him a weird look. “If you and Macready agree to it. Just go talk to him.”

Jensen nodded. His shades went back into place, gave Miller a sly smirk, and walked out the door with a happier beat in his step. Miller smiled a little to himself, and hoped that this would get worked out. He was already planning dinner, dessert, and drinks in his head; all juicy and good treats to fix them both with a food coma. However, what about the aftermath that might come with it? Would it lead to them talking only? What about the talking that leads to sex? Or the talking that lead to sex then to more talking and more sex? Miller shook his head out of the loop, and looked down at his laptop when it binged at him. It was Macready. He didn’t sound too happy when he opened up with “You fucking asshole.” Miller decided to handle it with a very bad work joke.  

_Miller: Mac, I’ve already told you how to handle your paperwork about the previous case on those terrorist hookers. You don’t need me to babysit you into a distraction about them._

_MacReady: Listen, why do I have Jensen outside of my door looking like he was going to tell me someone had died till I asked him to wait a minute. Whose puppy did you kick, Miller?_

_Miller: What? I know I’m a mental mess, Mac, but I didn’t kick a puppy as you put it.. Jensen just...he…did something…_

_MacReady: He did WHAT Miller?_

_Miller: Almost ruin a perfectly good laptop! I mean, he does have augmented angry problems every now and then. Remember that time he punched a hole through your sofa?_

_MacReady: Quit side stepping this, Miller. I will come to your office for answers if I have to. I will also scream at the top of my lungs for the whole TF29 European division to hear._

_Miller: Just ask him yourself._

After about 30 minutes of no response Miller figured someone had died because of him. He was about to go check up on him when he heard a ding from his laptop. He went to check to see a very, very angry Macready.  

_MacReady: Miller, what the hell was that about? Jensen told me EVERYTHING. You still have feelings for me? You KISSED him? He kissed YOU back? What a load of shit this has turned out to be! You want to go down this road? Then we’re going down this fucking road, Miller. Were the bruises on my body from your anger problems that dealt with your ex-husband shown as an act of love for me or the hatred of me not being him?_

_Miller: I have nothing to say that will justify my actions. I know what I did was wrong, and I want to talk about everything tonight. I can even set up a time, or you two can talk about this together to set up a time?_

_MacReady: No. You don’t get to try and be coo with me. You know how strong I come off. You know I run my mouth off at times, and I know that wasn’t a good excuse for all the things I’ve said to you. However, you don’t have the right to throw a fucking punch at me, apologize, and then fuck me with your so-called “love”. I know how much I can take a hit, Miller. Prison can be worse then the military or even a mental institution._

_Miller: How long are we going to keep playing this song and dance, Mac? We’ve been at each other’s throats over this for a few years in and out of the work place. Just a date. Please. I am begging you._

_MacReady: Typical. You don’t get your way you resort to a poor man begging in the streets. I shouldn’t have to do this at all! Unless this song and dance involve me breaking off all communications with you, have you transferred out of here, and I never have to see you again?_

_Miller: I want this to stop as much as you do and the only way for that to happen you know has to be tonight. After this if nothing works out I’ll put all of your suggestions to transfer me to their Australian unit, ok? I am desperate here, Mac._

_MacReady: Fine. I’ll take that deal. You better make due to it, because I am not about to have a good time!_

Macready signed off after that. Miller sat back in his chair, and wondered what he just got himself into. If this night doesn’t go well for him then his whole life would crumble down from the last thread it was hanging on. He knows he should move on from these two men; especially, Macready, but he and Jensen were the reason he was hanging onto that thread. His life was just a never ending cycle of anger and frustration that kept going full circle.

“God, how fucked up was this?” Miller sent a message to Jensen’s infolink with the time. After that he pulled a replacement bottle of alcohol out of his drawer, poured himself a glass, and clinked it to the air as if there was another glass in front of him. “Cheers, air. May you suffocate me more with this mess.”


	5. The Use Of Attention Starving And How Sugar Cookies Make Everything Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building a relationship is important. Growing a relationship can either turn into a man-eating death plant, or a wonderful field of dandelions can be put into place. Either way there can never be both unless the dandelions are man-eaters then the relationship was just as bad as the previous ones. Don't be a man-eating dandelion. Just be a Jensen and a Macready. Now go and be that couple. Just don't try to Jensen the way out.

Jensen was out and about during his lunch break. Why not spend it with his fellow hacktivist co-worker Vega? They were at a Starbucks that was close to the TF29 cover shop having a friendly coffee date. Jensen was sipping on some regular coffee, and Vega was sipping on a mocha Frappuccino. Jensen never understood what was so fascinating about those fancy drinks. What was wrong with good old fashion coffee? Spending a pretty penny just for extra flavored calories was a no go for him.

“What you thinking about, Adam?” Vega took a sip out of her drink and smiled. “It better not be about how much you think this stuff taste like worm food.”

“How you can like that stuff? Really? I’ll never understand it.” Jensen poured some more cream into his coffee before giving it another stir.

Vega laughed. “Because the stuff that good, man! Anyways, how are you and Macready? Last time we talked you said the relationship was a little rocky due to your panic attacks and him, well, being him.”

Jensen wished Vega didn’t bring up the panic attacks. Something about those that he just wanted to forget that happened. He was trying to do better, and it wasn’t like there wasn’t any options out there for him that didn’t involve medication. Maybe yoga? Was there an aug-happy injection out there now that would make him stop worrying over nothing? Should he mention that Macready knows about his little side project? Seemed like an easier distraction then putting all his feelings on the table.

“Our relationship still needs working on, but now he has a new sense of power over me. Kind of funny now. I use to call Sarif ‘boss’ at one point, and now I call Mac just that. Not sure if he liked it though last night.” Jensen took another sip out of his coffee, and took a glance at the newspaper tablet. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the usual anti-aug diplomatic articles, and people blaming augmented people for the sky being blue.

“I am surprised you two haven’t moved in together yet. How long have you two been dating, Adam? Not the right time? The excitement of fighting more than usual had to be calling at your heart strings at one point.” Vega scrolled through her own newspaper tablet to get to the funny pages. Hoping a classic “Garfield” will show up this time today. Lately they have been replaced by classic “Calvin and Hobbes,” and who wanted to read that?

“Doesn’t matter anymore at this point. No telling how the date with Miller will turn out. I just hope none of us gets hurt.” Jensen placed his tablet down when a waitress came by with two plates of soup and sandwiches. He thanked her as she grabbed the table number off the table and left.

“Wait, you’re in a polyamory relationship? With Miller none the less? Jesus, Adam! What were you thinking?” Vega picked up her sandwich, dipped it carefully in her soup before taking a bite out of it.

Jensen didn’t like that idea as much anymore now that Vega had put it out in the open like that. Even a little too loudly as some people turned their head towards them. He sighed, and tried to think of a way to explain this to his partner. He wasn’t exactly in one. Not yet. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to be in one, or even if Macready wanted to be in one. Everything was just throwing itself up in the air, and then coming back down stale. Even the food in front of him didn’t look as delightful as it did anymore.

“Not yet. I know this date will be awkward, and I am prepared for food fights and guns blazing within the first five minutes. I am also hoping for lots of whiskey instead of wine.” Jensen fiddled with his sandwich by pressing his fingers into the bread making a bit of the filling come out. “Dealing with combat fights are so more of my specialty.”

“Well, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to. I wish you luck. The situation does seem doomed from the start. Not sure how you will manage.” Vega took a sip out of her soup, and laughed at the classic “Garfield” comic she was hoping for. At least one person was happy today. Anything that had to deal with kicking Odie off the table was always funny. Sometimes Vega would pretend it was some illuminati agent getting kicked off the table by her instead of Garfield. PICUS might be fake news, but they do know how to appease the ever loving imaginable funny lovers

“I’m just going to hide alcohol in my back pockets. The mini ones are a little more expensive than the regular bottles, but at least I won’t shove an arm blade up someone’s spine.” Jensen took the final sip of his coffee. Wasn’t the most satisfying thing in the world, but it did what it was supposed to.

“I thought you were more of a nanoblade up the ass threat type of person.” Vega put the tablet in her bag. She wanted to finish her soup without ruining her expensive machine now since she had her fill of humor for the day.

Jensen smirked. “I only do that with people I work with.”

“Speaking of people you work with you had something urgent you wanted to tell me about Macready. Do I want to know the bad news? Please tell me you just want Janus to give you funds to buy more cereal, because Macready hid them all.” Vega held her hands in a prayer like motion. “Praise the Lord almighty let it be that.”

“Only if God was that kind. No. Macready knows that I am in the collective. Apparently his experiences with running a unit in his military days made him well-informed how to handle augmented people that would use their cloaking devices to sneak out. He tracked me.” Jensen wasn’t too happy telling Vega any of this, and he wasn’t sure if it was even a good idea; but the cards needed to be laid out on the table just in case someone followed Macready. If he was followed by others; especially, by suspicious curious people.

Vega dropped her spoon in the bowl, and placed her hands on her head in disbelief. “Jesus, Adam! How many times are you going to make me say this: be careful! I can’t believe he knows who you work for. Janus going to want to know about this.”

Jensen felt bad for putting Vega in this situation. It really wasn’t his intention for Macready to follow him. It just seemed to have happened. For all Jensen knew Macready could be watching him right now. He was tempted to use his augmented vision to find him, but there was too many people around to clearly see through the light lime-like color. No enemies Jensen deemed as a threat were even around at least. Perfect; clear as day for a non-terrorist attack. Something Jensen was really happy for once to receive.

“I am sorry, Alex. I just checked through my vision, and Mac’s not here from what I can tell. At least-wait, no I take that back.” Jensen watched Macready and Miller walk in hand-in-hand. Stunned a little by such a gesture. Jensen didn’t expect for the two to be this friendly already. Did it bother him? A little. He wanted to confront both of them on the spot to demand what this whole hand holding thing between them was about since their relationship seemed to be bipolar at this point, but Alex was still here. Jensen didn’t need Macready and Miller asking her questions and Macready blurt out who she was.

“They haven’t spotted us yet. Want to sneak out? I know you wanted to buy some more sugar cookies and something for your angry boyfriend here; but I don’t want them to see us.” Vega stood up, threw her stuff away, and walked out the door with Jensen following behind her.

Jensen didn’t really want to leave just yet. He grabbed Vega’s hand, and pulled her to an empty outdoor table and chair set. She didn’t understand why he did that, but knowing Jensen he wasn’t going to leave till he got some answers. She shrugged him off and sat down across from him. Her view was facing the window, and was watching the two in front of her. Miller was getting a little frisky when he let go of Macready’s hand, and started to move it down his backside to his perky bottom. Vega couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Oh Jesus, Adam. You should see Miller’s attempts at flirting. They’re not good at all. You sure you don’t want to trade seats to watch the groping going on?” Vega covered her mouth to keep a her loud laugh from escaping. “Seriously! You should see what Macready was doing at the time. He stiffened so badly I thought he was going to have a heart attack and scream at Miller for groping his butt in public.”

“Nice to know what I am going to be experiencing at least.” Jensen took a quick peak behind him to see the two had already gotten their order, and were starting to set up camp behind him. Jensen wished he had super hearing to get an idea what they were saying.

“Do you want to risk going back inside?” Vega squinted through the window again, and she could’ve sworn she saw Macready smiling. A big bright smile too. The kind where someone can tell you something and it be the greatest piece of news or compliment in the world. “Miller must be quite the charmer.”

“He tried to charm me. It sort of worked.” It fully worked. Another thing he wasn’t about to Vega. Sure the charming was more like begging, but it got him to cave in didn’t it?

Vega was curious now. “He charmed you into a date? Oh, if you wanted to know what they were just doing let me know, and I’ll tell you. Sickeningly sweet their romance was.”

Jensen looked down at the table in front of him. Still lost in thought about earlier. Miller being this sweet and innocent mental nut was really not a good thing, and not really a good way to make things better; but Jensen also wanted Macready to be happy. Yeah, Jensen tried to make his boyfriend happy as much as he could, but the man seemed to always be angry. Even when he was doing his best to not yell at Jensen over something minor. Jensen wondered if their relationship will ever improve at this rate, or if Miller coming into it was a saving grace.

“Adam? You look lost in thought again. You ok?” Vega patted Jensen’s arm in a kind gesture to make sure her friend and partner was ok.

Jensen looked at Vega. “Did I ever tell you how Macready and I started dating?”

“Not that I know of. Are you about to tell me? Don’t you have a few more minutes before you go back to work?” Vega poked fun at Jensen with that bright smile of hers. When she wasn’t a stickler over the whole terrorism taking over the world gag she would do her best to crack jokes and open up a smile. It was delightful for Jensen when he was having one of his bad Jensen days.

“Yes, but walk first and talk while browsing. I need to go to the grocery store to pick up more cereal. We’ll come back for the sugar cookies later.” Jensen gets up and leads the way to the nearest grocery store.

When they got there Jensen grabbed a shopping cart, and immediately rushed over to the cereal aisle, and Vega swore she never seen someone smile that big over cereal. Then she wished all her dates looked at her like that the way Jensen looked at a cereal box. She also couldn’t believe she was getting jealous over wheat starch. She shook her head, and stared at the box Jensen was getting so happy about. It turned out that the aisle was stocked up with cereals from America. Everything from Coco-Puffs to Trix. Vega was even surprised to see her favorite cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, there as well. Just like Jensen she instantly grabbed a couple of boxes, and put them under her arm.

Jensen didn’t waste any time in gathering box after box to dump into his cart. He was about to finally have the world’s greatest cereal. Sure, he had to threaten the store owner a little, but it got him his first food love. Life was now officially complete for both of them. Now he needed to convince the store by his apartment to start stalking up on Detroit local goodies. He would keep the man in business for three generations just by getting those alone.

“So, story time? How did you and Macready end up dating? Also, don’t you think you need to pick up some condoms? You probably don’t get STD’s, but you never know with those two.” Vega read the back of her cereal box to see if there was a children’s game on the back. There wasn’t. This made her sad, and it wasn’t the true cereal that she remembered from her childhood.

Jensen didn’t argue with her, she was probably right, and he went to the pharmaceutical aisle to see what kind of condom’s there were to pick out. Orange, grape, and cherry coke…cherry coke? Other weird flavored versions Jensen was unfamiliar were all lined up neatly next to the toothpaste. He grabbed a few boxes of the cherry coke, and about three bottles of lubricant. Vega questioned in her head how many rounds they were planning on going tonight? Just don’t ask the real questions out loud here.

“It was over cereal.” Jensen pulled a box of Fruit Loops out of his car to show Vega. “This kind to be precise.”

-Flashback-

_Jensen was in his little corner of the CT department rummaging through his filing cabinet he brought in just to store his cereal. It even had a little sign that said “Keep Out” stickered to every drawer. He was sure important work documents were probably mixed in there as well, but that wasn’t important right now. He will endure the holy unseemliness of his work station from Macready later. Right now he was irritated that he couldn’t find his favorite cereal: Fruit Loops. He wanted his Toucan Sam, damnit!_

_“Come on!” Jensen rotated the filing cabinet, not caring that all the contents came crashing out to the floor making a huge mess, and started to dig through the cardboard pile. When he did manage to find the box he scrambled for a bowl on his desk. He nearly broke the one he grabbed, and poured what appeared to be was crumbs into the bowl. ”Why?”_

_Everyone had stopped what they were doing to stare at the dramatic scene next to them. One guy raised his hands in the air, and complained that Jensen was making too much noise and a mess. Jensen didn’t like that. It wasn’t just “cereal.” It was his lifeline. He got up, and shook the empty box in front of his teammate and ranted. He needed this cereal as a sugary substitute to keep his batteries powered when he doesn’t want to wait for a recharge or a biocell._

_Someone else came over to Jensen, and mentioned that he could just eat one of his other cereals. Jensen was about to tell him to fuck off as well  when Macready came into the room asking what the hell all the commotion was. He didn’t really get an answer right away until he saw Jensen’s work station._

_“Jensen! What the fuck are you doing?” Macready walked over to the man to see that he held the cereal bowl out in front of his face pouting. Pouting. Macready never thought he would see the day when Agent Adam Jensen would pout over the fact that he didn’t get to eat the cereal he wanted for the day. Still wasn’t an excuse for the mess. Macready went and got a broom and dust pan out of the janitor’s closet, and placed it into Jensen’s hands._

_Jensen didn’t want to clean up the mess, and was being pigheaded about it. He playfully smacked Macready’s backside with the bristle part of the broom when he turned around. Macready turned around to see Jensen cleaning the floor all innocently. He didn’t buy it, but he didn’t have time to play games with his co-workers. He turned back around, and got another slap when he started walking. Angry Macready grabbed the broom out of Jensen’s hands, and smacked him lightly in the head with the bristled part._

_Jensen gave Macready a small smile before taking it and batting him on the head with it very lightly. Maybe it would cover the parts where his head was shaved. Also if he was going to annoy his semi-boss he was going to do it correctly. Even though the other people in the room could feel the love tension in the air, and it could be cut with Cupid’s knife. They decided to make haste and leave the two flirts alone with one another._

_Macready sighed annoyingly. He wasn’t in the mood for one of Jensen’s games, and he figured maybe if he took him out to his place to eat Fruit Loops he would stop this nonsense. Yes, Macready enjoyed Fruit Loops as much as anyone, and had to import it from overseas. The same way Jensen had to. “Ok, come on you sugar freak. I have Fruit Loops at home, and I will make you a bowl.”_

_“We’re going out to an early lunch for Fruit Loops?” Jensen placed the broom and dust pan in one of his lockers before following Macready out the door. This was definitely the best day of his life! Free Fruit Loops!_

_“Yes, and then you’re cleaning up that mess you made. Honestly, mate, you have what feels like a million cereal boxes in there, why did you even bother to cry over this one? I really can’t stand it when you get this way.” Macready really didn’t understand the man’s sugar intake and Jensen didn’t feel like explaining it for the umpteenth time again._

_“I just like cereal, ok?” Jensen poked Macready in the arm as they made way to Macready’s place. They climbed the steps, Macready put in the code to open the door, and the two stepped inside._

_Jensen bolted to the kitchen, and ran sacked through Macready’s house trying to find Fruit Loops without permission.  Macready ran over to Jensen, and stopped him from throwing his very expensive bowls to the ground, which would shatter due to the sheer force Jensen was moving. Jensen looked at Macready with a Cheshire grin. He noticed that the older man was holding his hands in a very romantic like gesture, and it felt really nice. It has been a long time since anyone has held his hand, and Macready being the first one wasn’t a complaint at all._

_“I didn’t know you felt that way about me, Macready.” Jensen motioned his head down to Macready’s fingers._

_Macready quickly let go. “I don’t swing that way, Jensen.” Macready scooted past him, and grabbed the box of Fruit Loops out of the pantry that Jensen overlooked. He poured the man a bowl, and handed it to the hungry man. Jensen took it happily, and ate it with such content that Macready swore the man was on cloud nine. Macready sighed wondering what the hell he just got himself into. He sat down on one of the stools by the stand alone counter. Jensen got an idea, and grabbed another bowl out of the pantry, poured Macready a bowl. He brought it over to him, and sat down next to the older man. Taking a spoon full of cereal he motioned for Macready to do the same. He did, and the two clinked their spoons together, spilling milk on the counter in the process. Neither really cared._

_“Cheers, mate?”_

_“Cheers, Mac.”_

-End Flashback-

“Wow, man, all that started out as a friendship? Just how attention starved were you at the time?” Vega sat her boxes down on the coveter belt to be rung up. “I mean…actually I don’t know what I mean. I just can’t believe you two bonded over something so romantically silly.”

“Silly as it may be, Alex, are feelings have grown. The first time he started calling me ‘love’ by accident instead of ‘mate’ was the day we first kissed. It was nice. Better than Megan or even Pritchard.” Jensen sat his stuff down next to Vega’s. “I’ll pay. Don’t worry about it.”

“Wait, you kissed Pritchard? Out of all people?” Vega stepped aside, so Jensen could hand the cashier his credit chip.

“We just kissed, and it was on impulse. I don’t have any feelings for the guy. I was just lost after I thought Megan died at the time, and Pritchard did come see me throughout my recovery. We were close to sleeping together, but I just got scared.” Jensen placed the credit chip in his pocket once the clerk was done with it. “I have Macready now, and we definitely go well together. I haven’t felt about anyone this way for a long time.”

“Considering you’re wearing his clothes, and used one of his credit chips to pay for groceries I can see why. I am still surprised you two haven’t even moved in together yet.” Vega placed the bag on her shoulder, and followed Jensen to where ever they were going. “Where we going? Back to the coffee shop?”

Jensen ignored the jab. “Mac’s place. I am just going to drop the boxes off, and then head back to work. Cookies will have to wait. What are you going to do after this?”

“Probably take your love story morale and go find a nice guy to go out with. I am jealous that you have a boyfriend, and I kind of want one of my own now.” Vega adjusted the bag on her shoulder. “Wish I could leave this with you. Not heavy but plastic bags do hurt the shoulders after a while.”

“That why you stopped carrying a purse? And as for the boyfriends comment I am sure your good looks swept all the boys off their feet and into space. Could be why you can’t get a boyfriend.” Jensen got a punch in side for that one.

“Not the reason. I just look goofy being invisible to the boy world, and sometimes the items you carry don’t go invisible with you. You also suck at flirting just so you know. Anyways, I still owe you sugar cookies. You want to get them now? Please say yes as I don’t like being in this apartment. Too neat. Almost worse than Miller’s apartment I bet.” Vega looked around, and felt sick at just how neat the apartment was. She could’ve sworn everything including the paper books sparkled among the walls. How Jensen dealt with such cleanliness she would never know.

“Hey, I learned my lesson about floating inflatable penguins, and I would do anything that shouldn’t get me killed for Praxis kits. I needed them at the time to upgrade my augments. I couldn’t just turn them on for some reason.” Jensen placed the bag of condoms and bottles of lubricant next to the cereal. Once that was done Jensen locked the door behind him, and started walking towards the export company.

“But in ARC territory? That penguin must be really happy then it got home to its family. Did you get some kind of trophy for it to go along with your Praxis kits?” She knew by now all of Jensen’s augments were maxed out to their full potential, but the crazy things he had to do to even get them were just that. Crazy.

“Next time if I find one I should get a participation trophy. See you around, Alex” Jensen waved her off when they were closer to his work, and went back to his work station. When he got there he placed his hand on top of the filing cabinet that started this whole mess with Macready.  A literal mess at that, but it was his mess of a relationship. If he was given the chance to rewind time to go back, and change anything he wouldn’t. Accept maybe to hide all the janitor supplies, so he wouldn’t have had to clean up the mess.

“You’re not thinking about making a mess again are you there, love?” Macready came up behind him, and wrapped his arms around his waist. “I don’t have any Fruit Loops to offer you this time, but will a back hug and beard rub do the trick?”

“Maybe.” Jensen turned around to where their noses were touching. “You’re a dork for using the words ‘back hug’ and ‘beard rubs’ in not only the same but complete sentence.”

“I’ve seen your place, agent, and I guarantee you I am not the dork in this relationship.” Macready kissed Jensen’s lips lightly before pulling away. “Now get back to work.”

Jensen didn’t want to work. He wanted to enjoy his trip to memory lane. Maybe even create a new memory that can go hand-in-hand with the old ones. “Have we christened my workstation yet, boss?” Jensen bumped passed Macready to lock the CT main door before anyone could show up. Jensen leaned against the locked door with his arms crossed with a big smirk. Hopefully none of them would get in trouble for locking the door for a few minutes or an hour. Give the team an extra lunch hour to use.

Macready liked where this was going. “Head over to your desk, agent. I want to show it the attention it deserves.”  


	6. The Use Of Not Knowing What You're Doing During Sex And Chess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're late! They're late for a very important date! Not really, Mr. Rabbit. They're just in time with their physical bodies being there, but the mind is a different prospect to remember. No falling down the rabbit hole here. Just come on into Miller's place with a bright smile. What unsettling thing could go wrong? No madness will strike here.

Jensen went back to his own place after he went back to Macready’s for the second time that day. He wanted to mentally prepare himself for this by himself. Sitting down on the couch and watching the news seemed like a good idea to do that. First he needed a beer. He grabbed one out of the fridge, freshly cold, and plopped himself down on the comfortable couch cushion. Turning on the TV he slowly drank the beer, and stared at the can rather then paying attention to the screen in front of him. He was contemplating how all of this was going to turn out. It was scary. For both him and Macready. He wasn’t sure if this was even a step he wanted to take, but he wanted Macready to be happy. Jensen was sure this was going to work out for his lover. He wasn’t sure what it will show for him afterwards.

Once he was done with his beer he tossed it into one of his many waste baskets. He wasn’t even sure why he had this many. He never really cleaned up his place. Laundry he did do when he was running on last resorts, and now his once-livid coat he wore was now stained with alcohol. All it did was make for a messy decoration now. His body armor was there also comfortably sitting underneath the coat. He really didn’t have the time to put it in a proper place, which was back at work. He was always wearing it at odd times, so what was the point of even putting it back? None. Jensen shook his head and tossed the body armor to the side. He grabbed a pair of one of his good boots, and brought them with him to the shower. He already had a pair of clean clothes out resting on top of the washer. It took him forever to find something that didn’t scream desperate, scared, and impressionable. Maybe going with the body armor would scream typical Jensen, and showed he was being more of himself then some confused pretty face lone wolf.   

What was wrong with being a pretty lone wolf? Nothing wrong with having a pretty face that had permanent sunglasses embedded next to his eyeballs. Very attractive. Jensen chuckled himself as he stripped himself of his clothing. He winced. His backside was throbbing from his earlier encounter with Macready at his own desk. Jensen cursed to himself for even suggesting his workstation as a place to have sex. That hard table was not worth showing who the boss was around here. For now he would just bare with it. He just wanted to step into the shower to rinse off the stench of sex. Ignoring the fact that nothing beats a nice hot shower and stepping inside to feel that wash away sensation was just only inches in front of him.  

Stepping inside the shower Jensen grabbed a bottle of _Head and Shoulder’s_ shampoo and conditioner combination. Usually he would go with one of his scented combinations, but tonight he wanted to go with a sense of casualness. As the water was rinsing out the contents he was rubbing himself up and down with _Old Spice: Wolfthorn_ smelling body wash that always gave him a tingling sensation at the base of his neck. He shuddered, quickly rinsed himself, and got out of there before he tripped and fell all over his thoughts. The last thing he needed was a mental break down again. He sighed wondering if he was going to have one of those at the date. He tried not to think about it too much. Being depressed before something that was supposed to be exciting wasn’t a good healthy mind set.

Jensen steps out of the shower, picked up the clothes, and examine what exactly he got himself into. Nothing was flashy and sort of looked plain. Not that it was a bad thing, but Jensen wasn’t very good at these things rather it be him planning or not. Not since Reed mentioned about how he picked her up in a lousy white car. Never mind the stuff he tried to do when he tried dating during his college days. He would either show up overdressed or under dressed with all sorts of goofy and fun gifts. The let downs from those times were always tough. This was why he had trust issues with people picking out the places to go on a date with now. Except with Macready. He seemed to have a good head on his shoulders, and knew what they both would like. He even gave into Jensen’s demands about trying the American food he use to make back at home when he actually felt like cooking. Never received a single complaint from Macready, so either he was being too stubbornly polite or faking a smile for his own sanity. Jensen didn’t care. He was just glad to have someone in his life he force his amazingly-horrible cooking upon.

Jensen looked at the clock in the hallway. Right now wasn’t the time to reminisce about fond memories as he had a train to catch. Didn’t want to late on this non-perfect date! Jensen quickly dashed on some _Old Spice_ body spray, brushed his teeth, and put some gel in his hair to get it the shape he wanted. Once done with making sure he had acceptable hygiene he put on a pair of black jeans and a white long sleeve t-shirt. He laced up his boots. Pleased with the way he looked afterwards he rushed to the kitchen to grab a mini bottle of Jack Daniel’s. If he was going to end up wanting to drown himself in something it was going to be in good whiskey. Popping the cap he sniffed it, and squinted his face at the smell causing his eye wear to pop in position. Not the world’s greatest smelling kind when it was obvious how long it sat in the cabinet. He stashed it in his pocket anyways. No use in throwing away something still sort of usable. Something was still missing from his arsenal. He looked around his counter to see if he had the bag of condoms and lubricant was on the counter. He couldn’t find them, and hit him that he had left everything at Macready’s. That also included the fresh cereal he purchased.

He can feel the embarrassment burn on his face. Macready was probably freaking out at this point wondering who came into his apartment just to offer him up some lucrative entertainment. It must have not been so bad, because so far there were no missed voice messages on his home phone entertainment system, and nothing popped up through his infolink. Good. A very weird sub vocalized conversation was the last thing he wanted with Macready. For now everything seemed peaceful, which made Jensen wanted to get a quick bowl of cereal, till he remembered again that he left the bags of cereal at Macready’s. Not wanting to have a heartbreak Jensen quickly left his apartment before he discovered something else that spelled out horrific.

Meanwhile Macready was starting at his counter wondering where the hell a bunch of cereal boxes and sexual items came from. He figured the God of Sex was too good for him, so it definitely had to have been Jensen who had wormed his way into his apartment, again. He really needed to change the pass code on his front door along with boarding up his windows with wood, so no remote hacking skills could get in. Macready chuckled at that. He pictured a very sad Jensen standing out in the rain wondering what he did in life to deserve this treatment. As if Jensen was ever caught dead pouting much less make a funny joke.

Not wanting to drag on the weirdness of the situation Macready left the kitchen area to go to his bedroom. Since he just came home he didn’t have a chance to relax for even an hour or so. Now would be the perfect time. He walked into his bedroom, and was shocked at the display in front of him. A stack of folded laundry laid there neatly. Yes, neatly! Jensen was capable of both folding and neat! A note sat on top of the black turtle neck and pants Jensen borrowed earlier. Macready opened the note and chuckled at what had Jensen wrote.

_Boss-Babe,_

_Yeah, I went there, and I made you laugh. Pay up later. I did your laundry. Well, I started on it earlier, but didn’t have time to finish it. I even gave you your clothes back. Yes, boss, this was why I asked you if I could leave early. Also, don’t get used to me calling you Boss-Babe. It felt weird writing that out. Now go get ready for this awkward night._

_-The better looking guy in this relationship,  
_ _Adam_

_PS: Don’t use Clorox on your clothes anymore. They make my belly itch. Thanks._

_PSS: New laundry detergent is on top of your dryer. I use it on my clothes, and all my clothes smell like clouds and a field of grass. Best feeling ever._

Eye rolling, the worth response to this situation. Macready crumpled up the note, and tossed it in a trash bin behind him. He missed. Typical ballsy status. He was debating whether if he should pick it up, or pull a Jensen and be a lazy bum by letting it sit there till cockroaches turn it into a concert hall. The Aristaroaches was not something he wanted in his apartment. He chose to pick up the damn piece of crumpled paper to toss back into the bin. Mission accomplished. Next up was to make an appointment with a therapist to get his compulsive cleaning imaginative behavior under control, but not under too much control as he didn’t want to end up like Jensen’s crazy mind.

Speaking of crazy mind, Macready didn’t know what he was thinking as he picked up the same outfit Jensen had just worn earlier. He wanted to wear it, but at the same time Jensen wasn’t in any underwear when he wore them, but they were washed and dried now. Did it really matter to him if that was the case? No. Like Jensen had said their mouths have been all over each other, so this really shouldn’t bother him. Maybe a bit disturbing to think about if Jensen ever decided to steal his pants again.

Macready decided not to think about it any longer as he brought the clothes to the bathroom to change into after his shower. Like Jensen he didn’t want to go out smelling like a hot date that was ready for sex on the spot. He picked up a bottle of _Dove Men Care_ shampoo and conditioner combination, placed a bit in his hands, and washed his hair. The smell was a bit too much for him, but as long as it did its job then he really shouldn’t complain. After all he chose to suffer in the glory of smelling manly. He let the water rinse out his hair as he bathed himself with _Irish Springs_ soap. Jensen made a joke about how he was going to order something from the United States that he was going to love in the form of soap that would humiliate his last name. The oxymoron of it all was the fact Macready wasn’t Irish or Scottish despite his last name.

Despite the joke the soap was nice, and Macready decided it was the only product in the world that was worth importing from the United States that made a mockery of who he was. He wouldn’t tell Jensen that, or he would never hear the end of that; especially, over something as silly as this. Right now he just wanted to hurry up, and wait up front for Jensen. Not sure why he had to as Jensen was perfectly capable of hacking his way into his home. He stepped out of the shower once he was squeaky clean. He threw on some _AXE_ spray deodorant, brushed his teeth, teased his hair in its pointed position, and got dressed into the earlier worn outfit by his boyfriend.

Oh yeah, Macready definitely looked a lot nicer in these clothes then Jensen ever would. He would definitely tell him that without a second though. The smudge smile was plastered on his face as he made his way into the kitchen to grab a quick beer from the fridge. He noticed the left over pizza from the other night magically made its way in there. Jensen probably didn’t want the Detroit-style pizza to go to waste. Macready picked up the plate it was sitting on and gave it a smell. It smelled terrible. Off to the trash it went!

Macready sat at the middle island counter in silence as he went through his news tablet to see if anything interesting was going on in the world. Nothing too exciting unless he counted the fact that _Samizdat_ was trolling _PICUS_ again with their loony conspiracy theories. A perfect read for those who have high blood pressure. Laughter was once considered the best medicine out there for anyone who can’t afford prescriptions back in the day but now? Macready felt like a relic from one of those days as his BP sometimes would rise when Jensen did stupid shit or get panic attacks. Speaking of such Macready hope this date wouldn’t put so much stress on Jensen. Miller had some idea what Jensen’s PTSD can lead to, but he doubt he knew about how often Jensen can get them. That worried him.

Macready tried to not think about it. He sat the tablet down, and looked through the bag of goodies Jensen had left at his place. It was odd to see this many American diabetes plastered on his table. Sure they looked tasty, but did he want a bowl? Would one bowl hurt? No it wouldn’t. Macready got off the stool, grabbed a bowl and the carton of milk, and poured him a bowl of Fruit Loops. Memories of terrible tasting cereal resurfaced as he looked at Toucan Sam smiling ever so brightly on the box of goodness. What a weird dissipation American’s have of for cartoon animals. They would do anything to sell this cancer in a box. Macready was ok with that. Now only if the creepy bird would stop staring through his soul. Smoothly he rotated the box to see there was a maze meant for children to solve on the back, and Toucan’s nephews were smilingly just as creepy as their uncle in all the corners. Macready just couldn’t get away from anything weird thrown at him could he?

He put the box back in the bag with all the other animatronics’ cereal. Good riddance. He grabbed the other bag full of goodies, and took a look at the condoms. Such weird flavors existed in this world, and why do such brand companies think everyone loves Coca-Cola? Disgusting the marketing was! He dropped them back in the bag, and thought back to what Jensen had told him about how he didn’t need him to wear condoms as he embarrassingly said he filters out anything that didn’t belong in his backside, and that included possible STD’s. Macready couldn’t begin to understand how that even worked, but that would be questioning Sarif’s companies’ handiwork. Not a subject he was ready to talk about with the son. However, nothing could be as embarrassing as the first time Macready tried to have sex with Miller. It was his first attempt at having sex with a guy period, and the horror that came out of it was overwhelming.

-Flashback-

_Macready sat down on Miller’s bed. He was nervous, naked, and sitting in an uncomfortable silence. The only thing that gave him security was a sheet wrapped around him. Playing with the edges with his thumb watching the fabric give off a soft noise seemed to give him something to do at least. However, it wasn’t long till Miller popped in with condoms and lubricant. He was also butt-naked, and went on about how the items he was looking for were hiding in some deep corner of space. It was supposed to make Macready laugh, but he could only manage out a raspy cough. Miller stared at Macready, and saw the look of questioning on his face.. He quickly sat on the bed, leaned a little inwards in front of Macready to get a better view of his off world look, and ran a thumb through of his wrinkles on his forehead._

_“A pound for your thoughts, Mac?” Miller moved his hands down to Macready’s to give them a gentle rub._

_“I am just nervous. I’ve never done this with a guy before.” Macready pulled his hands out of Miller’s grasp. The gentle touches weren’t making things better. He went back to playing with the sheets that brought him comfort._

_“The sheets won’t give you the time of your life, Mac.” Miller pulled his hands away from the offending material. “You’re going to make me jealous over fabric.”_

_Macready wanted to say something more, but it was hard when Miller was pushing him to lie down on the bed. He obeyed when the gentle hand was making its way to his lower regions. He took a deep breath, leaned his head against the pillow, and began to pray to whoever was listening that this was supposedly going to be the greatest experience ever that Miller bragged about earlier. The hope was there at on point at least._

_“You have to relax, Mac. You’re shaking like a leaf. Ugh, I never thought I ever say that.” Miller rubbed his face. Macready really wasn’t making this easy for him. “Ok, look, just spread your legs for me, ok? Trust me.”_

_Trust wasn’t the issue, and Macready wished Miller would let him go back to fondling the sheets. Macready knew that Miller won’t lead him a stray, so there wasn’t a reason for him not to trust him. He took a deep breath, and spread his legs open for the older man. He exhaled afterwards. So far nothing bad was happening, and maybe Macready’s thoughts were over exaggerating this whole thing. That thought came to past when Miller was stroking his length up and down in very slow pace with one of his hands._

_Macready was squirming in Miller’s grasp. This wasn’t what he expected. The hand job part he did, but the ticklish feeling he felt when Miller was using his free hand to stroke in between his thighs was a bit too much for him. He ended up closing his thighs around Miller’s hands to try and get that feeling to stop. Miller instantly pulled his hands away, and gave Macready the “really?” type look._

_“I am very ticklish down there when foreign hands touch me apparently. Being sensitive never worked out well for my partners.. My last three wives knew this all too well.” Macready looked away in embarrassment._

_“Not a problem. Eventually you should come around to my touches, and I can use your sensitivity to my advantage.” Miller smirked. He moved his hand right underneath Macready’s scrotum._

_Macready tensed up, clutched the bed sheets as Miller stroke his finger up and down Macready’s raphe part of the perineum. This was new. This was definitely very new! None of his ex-wives ever stroked him the way Miller was doing now. They usually gave up right before that.  He also should really not think about what his ex-wives should have done with him during sex._

_“Feel better now?” Miller pulled his hand away to grab the bottle of the lubricant laying on the bed. “I want you to feel much more then this.”_

_“That was amazing, and to think I was about to knee you in the head for making me over stimulate.” Macready watched Miller squirt some of the lube on his fingers. “What are you doing with those?”_

_Took Miller a minute to realize that Macready meant his fingers and not some word misusage. “You’ll see.”_

_Miller moved his mouth over Macready’s shaft. Taking it in inch by inch till he was near the base. The air out of Miller’s nostrils was hitting Macready’s pubic hair made him jerk back some. This wouldn’t do for Miller, because he didn’t want his gravestone to say: Death by choking on a human penis, God had mercy on this soul at one point. Slowly taking both hands he grabbed Macready’s hips, holding them down with a bit of force as he went back to sucking on the anatomy in front of him. He was a bit sad he could only to do this as he wanted to show Macready that good time he promised down there._

_First times are never perfect. Macready showed that well enough. Even with all the force Miller was putting on the other mans legs he just couldn’t seem to get Macready to stop moving. The moans and release made up for it as this was the best blow job he ever received._

_Miller took Macready out of his mouth. “You’re not the worse I’ve ever had.” What a compliment. Miller wiped his fingers on the sheet._

_“Thanks?” Macready looked up to notice Miller’s hard-on was still painfully visible through the sheets and it needed to be taken care of. “You want me to take care of that for you?”_

_“That would be great. I am not as ticklish as you are, so I won’t be trying to give you brain damage while you’re attempting not to gag on this.” Miller started to stroke himself to make more excitement. “Hey Boss-Babe, you still with me here?”_

-End Flashback-

Macready was snapped out of his thoughts by Jensen waving a hand in front of his face. The good mood memory was killed no thanks to a certain aug. Macready looked at Jensen to see that he was dressed up as nice as he was. Good. No one was going to be feeling uncomfortably over dressed. Still the matter of the over exertion of buying too many condoms and bottles of lubricant big enough for a sex army was still in question. Macready went over to the bag, and showed it to Jensen.

Jensen really didn’t have a good answer for that. “I thought you and Miller needed the condoms the most. You know I don’t need them.”

“You’re a very weird man, Jensen.” Macready grabbed the bag. “Miller should be expecting us by now. You ready to go?”

Jensen looked at the bowl Macready was eating out of to see half a bowl of Fruit Loops still uneaten. He stared at the older man like he lost his mind more then usual. “You left your cereal unfinished.”

“So I did. What are you going to do about it? You most likely used one of my credit chips to pay for it, again, so I think I am entitled to some right?” Macready placed himself playfully in Jensen’s face. “Come on tough guy. I am not hiding behind shades like you are.”

“Don’t you think we should have dinner first before you try to act like you’re tougher than me?” Jensen wrapped his arms around Macready’s waist. “You know I can put my arm blade through your stomach any time, zap you unconscious, and maybe blow off your head with my typhoon system.”

“But I get the sneaking feeling that you love it when I have this false power and dominance over you.” Macready grabbed Jensen’s face, and placed a kiss on his lips. “I also need to remind you at this close range you would have been on your back by now with my boot holding you to the ground, an emp collar around your pretty neck, and in my bed.”

“I’ll take my chances. You’re also welcome to saying thank you for me doing your laundry.” Jensen pulled away from Macready, so they could actually make it to the front door without each other’s tongues down one another’s throat.

“Thank you for not causing my clothes to shrink this time.” Macready jokingly pulled at the turtle neck he was wearing. “I noticed while I was touching your perky bottom you had a bottle of Jack in your pocket.” Macready held the bottle in between his fingers.

“You’re taking that for yourself aren’t you?” Jensen reached for the bottle, but Macready pulled it back before Jensen could get it. Three inches taller or not Jensen was not fast enough for his reflexes when he got antsy to get a hold of his precious alcohol.  

“Military training, love. Don’t forget I’ve been around your kind for 12 years, so I know how to handle you.” Macready gave the bottle back to Jensen. “Put it in the bag of luxuries. One of us might actually need it later.”

“Sex might happen?” Jensen placed the bottle into the bag. “I mean if sex does happen then yay? I guess?”

“If you end up calling us both boss at this dinner then yes it can happen. Not exactly a turn off anymore when the competition is present.” Macready put on his tennis shoes before he locked the door behind him.

“I don’t mind it. Technically in the hierarchy of things as you put it I guess I am bottom of the totem pole.” Jensen checked his augments to see if he needed to turn off any just incase. He put his infolink into sleep mode, so nobody would try to disturb them. Whatever dire world crisis situation that was about to happen would have to wait.

“Do you ever keep your nose out of people’s emails?” Macready knocked on Miller’s door.

Jensen wanted to react back with snark, but he couldn’t as the door swung open with Miller greeting the two from the other side. Miller was not as dressed up as the two head cases were. Just in a pair of blue jeans and a very old white t-shirt with some kind of band on it that neither recognized. He wasn’t even wearing any shoes! Macready doubt he ever seen Miller this casual.

“I guess I should’ve made an attempt to dress somewhat decent. You two smell like manly men. That makes up for it.” He stepped aside to let the two men in. “Make yourselves acquainted with the couch. I am going to check up on dinner.”

Macready made his way to the couch. Not really the most comfortable thing Miller had in his apartment, but it was better then leaning against the kitchen’s island counter. He shuddered at the memory. Bad memories resurfacing at this point of whatever this was wasn’t a good idea. It was the worse of the worst future oncoming headaches anyone could ask for. He was snapped out of his thoughts when Jensen sat on the floor across from him with the chessboard he got from under the stairs.

Chess? Only a good idea when Mr. Shades wasn’t hiding behind a poker face. “Ok, do you think you’re Chris Moneymaker over here where you can make me give up on a good three of a kind? Lose the shades.” Macready made a hand motion up in the air to get the point across.

“Fine.” Jensen made his shades retract on his face. “But if you pull a Mike Matusow I am sending you to the time out table.” The dreaded kiddy table where Miller’s kids would eat at when they came to visit.

“I am very excellent at keeping my cool during useless competitions thank you, and I am not the one who runs my mouth.” Ouch. Macready was referring to their earlier talks. Jensen wasn’t exactly subtle with pushing people’s buttons to get the answers he wanted. “Now, you’re going to make a move sometime this century?”

“What a gentleman you are.” Jensen pushed one of his pawns to D4. “Before the incident I liked watching old shows based off older ‘World Series of Poker’ events. Daniel Negreanu was the most interesting one to watch out of them all. Funny guy and lived up to the name ‘kid poker’.”

“But you never played the sport yourself?” Macready moved his knight out to try and get some sort of advantage before the inevitable happened.

“Despite me being captain of my debate team I had no interest in playing poker. Now-a-days people would try and cheat with the CASIE modifier if it was installed in their head. The ban of it at poker tables doesn’t stop the creative mind games.” Jensen moved another pawn to E3.

“Not really a challenge when you can read everyone’s blood pressure readings to see if they’re bluffing or not.” Macready saw Jensen’s pawn placement, and noted he was going for a stonewall defense. He wasn’t about to let that happen. Time for a bishop trade off, maybe a knight stance instead, depending on Jensen’s moves of course. He just didn’t want to let the Dutch win.

Jensen didn’t say anything, and concentrated on the game. He had his pawns where they needed to be, and got his bishop out quickly. Macready did his king and rook castle swap, and passed the move back to Jensen. Jensen saw what Macready was trying to play at. He really didn’t have much to stop it when he did his own switch, and then Macready sacrificed his own pawn knowing Jensen was going to take it. If Jensen didn’t take it then he loses his pawn either way. Shit. He took his own pawn to Macready’s to D5. Macready and Jensen x-crossed trading pawns till Macready were able to get his knight to B4.

“Well played, Macready.” Jensen gave the man a tiny clap. “Now can the real challenge begin?”

“Are you going to throw anymore basic beginner moves at me?” Macready watched Jensen move his other knight finally out of the place it had been sitting at for a while now.

“No. Now stop mocking me. Try to have some fun, or I am going to move a piece of yours when you’re not looking.” Jensen had his eyes on Macready’s knights on the board.

Neither one of them were really good at this game. They were just trying to stonewall each other with their major pieces at this point. All pieces being stuck in some sort of stalemate, and someone at one point will have to give up a rook, a knight, or a bishop to move forward. Would it be Macready? No. He just kept moving his pieces back in the space they occupied previously. Jensen? He was getting to the point where his second knight was going to be the willing sacrifice. He had no plans to stay here all night staring at the same moves till there was an opening.

Miller came into the living room holding a glass of whiskey for Jensen and a can of beer for Macready. He noticed the two were failing miserably at trying to defeat one another at chess. Time for some Miller intervention. He plopped down on the couch next to Mac, handed him a can of beer, and placed Jensen’s glass of whiskey on a coaster. “The game of the century going on here? Mac, just move your knight to take Jensen’s bad bishop, and boom an opening to win.”

“Oh! You’re right. I’ll take that and that puts you in check, love.” Mac crossed his arms and smirked proudly. He thought he would win now that he had some clear gap opening, but that wasn’t the case.

Jensen saw what Miller had done, and Macready left his King wide open to set up for a potential checkmate. “I don’t think so, boss.” Jensen moved his king out of the way to be placed in a position where it would force Macready to move his knight. Next place where Macready’s knight would land would move his king into a vulnerable checkmate position.

“I don’t see how since Miller gave me that nice little hint.” Macready played right into Jensen’s hands by moving the piece he was hoping wouldn’t be a problem out of the way. “Try and beat that.”

“Sure. Checkmate, mate.” Jensen watched Macready’s face falter when he saw that Miller had tricked him into moving his pieces out of defense territory. He should’ve known something was up after he tried to castle himself again.

“I would say well played, but Miller set me up for you to win.” Macready gave Miller a very bleak look. “You’re no fun you know.”

“Sorry, but you two would’ve been here all night if I didn’t say something.” Miller patted the seat next to him signaling for Jensen to join them. “Come on lucky winner. I don’t want you to sit on the ground.”

“I do.” Macready mumbled his sore loser words out of his mouth.

“No one likes a sore loser, Mac.” Miller patted Macready on the shoulder. “Enjoy your beer! We have situations we need to discuss.”

Jensen tensed up. What did that entail? He rather go back to playing chess all night then deal with Miller’s suspicious cheeriness. It was just very unsettling even if there was nothing malicious behind it. “What do we need to discuss?”

“Mostly about you. I’ve been hearing some amazing stories going around my apartment complex about some augmented person always wearing a dark trench coat helping out people; especially, a now retired cop with The Harvester case. Was that you?” Miller’s definition of fun topics weren’t exactly one that should be brought up randomly. What if it leads to the realization that Jensen was too busy hoping around the crowds the night he was supposed to meet Chikane.

“I don’t like to be the center of attention.” Jensen tried to stay modest. He didn’t want to talk about what he does outside of his work time, which wasn’t saying much as his hero complex was mostly during work hours.

“Nonsense! Anytime you use my dime to save civilians I want to know about it.” Sarcasm Miller striked. Not quite something Jensen was ready to handle tonight. Didn’t help any when Macready came into the conversation to try and ease things.

“He did single handily stop a new drug from emerging all over Prague. Give him some credit there.” Not a bad defense to use. Would it hold up? All bets are on Miller to get the upper hand there.

“I read about that in the _Samizdat_ paper out of all places. Also during work hours; especially, when I ordered him to come into the office that morning. Lucky I was distracted by a long conference call, and his messed up system to take notice.” Miller wanted to take a drink from any of the two things he could in front of him to lower his stress level down some. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me. I just recently found this out while I was walking home today.”

Jensen sank further into the couch, wishing that the cushions would just suck him inside the darkness of the underside. He grabbed the whiskey off the table, and drank it in a few gulps. He placed it in Miller’s hands. “I could go for more whiskey. How many bottles do you have?”

“What you have there was the last bit of Jack.” Miller leaned back against the couch. “What about you, Mac? The face feeling any better?”

Macready touched the side of his face where the bruise was. Still dark but didn’t throb anymore. “Not as bad as it was.”

Awkward. Miller didn’t think the date would turn around like this. Maybe he should’ve challenged the winner to chess instead of sitting here contemplating how to get out of this mess. Jensen was looking the other way looking worried, Macready was slurping into his beer can while glaring at the wall in front of him, and Miller, well, Miller was hoping this would have gone a lot smoother then he had planned. No one has left yet in spite on how strong Miller came off.

Jensen really needed more whiskey. Quickly remembering that he dropped the mini bottle in the bag Macready had next to him he crawled over both of their laps, and grabbed the savior object of the night. Salvation was near! He popped open the bottle again, and started chugging it down his throat. His victory was cut short when Miller snatched the bottle out of his hand. He wanted to finish it himself, and he sure as hell drunk it faster then Jensen ever could.

“Trying to sneak in drinks to avoid talking won’t work here, Jensen.” Miller grabbed the bag. “What do we even have here?”

Miller pulled out the weird flavored condoms. “I can see where your mind was at today. There was no need for this, Jensen. No sex was going to happen today.”

“Sorry, but my lack of faith in your words doesn’t believe you.” Jensen took the bag back. “I was only thinking of you two.”

Miller and Macready exchanged glances with one another. Jensen got another uneasy feeling again as Miller stood up from his seat. He made a hand motion for Jensen to sit in the middle. Jensen scooted over to the middle of the couch. Miller took his seat back on the couch where Jensen was once sitting. Jensen looked in between the two staring at him. What were they planning? Their hands were easing closer to his thighs. He didn’t do anything to move them, but he sure wasn’t going to make it any easier for them.

Jensen felt Macready’s breath on his neck, Miller’s hand had made landfall with the inner walls of his thigh, and Jensen didn’t know what to do. His arms were crossed, his legs were parted, and his mind felt like it was going to explode from how oddly good it was starting to feel. He was about to lean his neck to the side more for Macready when he heard a ding coming from the kitchen.

The two stopped their advances, which Jensen was thankful for. Miller removed himself from the group to go check on dinner. He sat the empty glass into the sink. Not his priority right now to clean it as he opened the oven door he saw that his baked chicken dressed in all kinds of spices was not quite ready. He put it back in the oven for about five more minutes, checked on the stove top to see the mashed potatoes in the pot was still hot. He lowered the temperature some, so they wouldn’t burn. Perfect. The salad had been tossed, and dessert was in the process of being made. Some type of cheesecake he read offline in a chat room that was talking about desserts. Apricot Nectar sounded pretty unusual and way out there but not terrible. Just a lot of orange to look at.

“Aw fuck. Only need a few more minutes.” Miller grabbed three empty glasses from the cabinet and a bottle of his strongest wine. “Going to need this.”

Miller returned to the couch. “Anyone want any wine?” He sat the three glasses down on the table, poured the aged wine into the cylinders.

Macready grabbed a glass off the table. “Don’t mind if I do.” He took a sip and coughed. He hasn’t had aged wine in quite a few years. Since his first wife actually when the night of their wedding they did nothing but hiccup over old wine and memories.

Jensen stared into his glass. The liquid was swirling around the cup, and he was definitely not paying attention to the conversation Miller and Macready were going on about. His own thoughts were drowning out every sound, and the only noise he was hearing was the questions of what possibly could go wrong were popping in his head till Macready shook his shoulder. Jensen snapped out of his thoughts.

“You look lost in thought, love.” Macready took the glass out of Jensen’s hands. “Going to move this to the table before you drop it.”

Jensen was about to retort back when the timer went off again. Miller excused himself again to see if dinner was ready this time. Macready took the opportunity to see what was going through Jensen’s mind earlier.

“Spill it, Adam. Are you about to have a panic attack on me? The look on your face usually leads to one.” Macready gently grabbed Jensen’s hand, gave it a few soft strokes to let him know he wasn’t going anywhere. He was going to help the imbecile no matter what it took.

“I’m fine. I am not about to freak out on everyone with a mental breakdown.” Jensen didn’t attempt to pull away from Macready. He rather enjoyed the way Macready’s hand felt against the alloy and metal pats of his arm.

“You sure now? I don’t want you choking on your food if you have an episode.” He wasn’t trying to sound insensitive, but damn was it hard for Jensen not to take it that way.

“Duncan, I am going to be fine.” Jensen pulled his hand away. “Miller might need some help. Can we go check to see?”

“Sure.” Macready tilted Jensen’s head to look at him, studied his eyes to make sure they weren’t telling him the truth. They weren’t, but they sure were expressing the discomfort right now. “You’ll be fine.”

Macready let go of Jensen’s face, and they both went into the kitchen area to see what was spread out on the counters for them to work with.


	7. The Use Of Being The Best Wannabe Poker Players Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Texas Holdem announcer here! I just want you to know I am the one with the annoying carnival voice going through your head! I know, I know I am that annoying right? Just consider this some fourth wall breaking! I have to be here as my sacred duty called for it. Now enjoy!

The dinner itself didn’t seem so bad looking when Jensen and Macready had taken a look around the kitchen. A little bland in the gravy section for the mashed potatoes, but some herbs dabbled in the mushy goodness would do the trick. When no one was looking Jensen put in some chives he knew were stashed away in a cupboard from his ransacking days. He was surprised Miller still puts them in the same spot. Hopefully they weren’t the same ones. Also maybe a little bacon could be added if he could fry some up without the chef noticing the changes he made. Beggars can’t be choosers here unless all of the ingredients were laid out in front of him with an open invitation. Ah what the hell? Who was going to stop him from doing this? He checked around the rest of the counters to see if anything else needed to be touched up. So far so good till he took a look at the salad to see it had the usual lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, and even radishes bombarded in there. So plain with nothing special added. This wouldn’t do either. He had to go Gordon Ramsey on this dish if it was the last thing he did. Although he doubt Ramsey would approve of the foods being added to the dishes.

Getting his thinking cap on Jensen was able to find some red apples stored away in the fridge. He grabbed one, and looked around for an apple cutter in hopes to improve the salad with some fresh goodness. He came in luck in some deep drawer stuffed with a bunch of cutlery he didn’t recognize. Must be an Aussie thing. He pushed a lot of the utensils aside to find what he was looking for. He didn’t even notice Macready behind him looking at him strangely wondering what the hell he was doing. Ah hah! Jensen found what he was looking for, and turned around to see Macready standing there questioning why he was about to cut up a perfectly good apple to ruin a perfectly good salad.

“Adding to the salad. Just keep Miller busy with the chicken. Tell him that next time he invites us over to dinner to buy some bacon.” Jensen squeezed passed Macready, holding the items above his head. He grabbed one of the cutting boards he saw on the counter earlier, and pressed the circular cutter down the middle of the apple. A perfect and clean cut. Jensen cleaned out the apple guts off the cutter and placed it in the dishwasher. He then took a cutting knife out of the knife rack, and cut the apples into smaller dysfunctional looking pieces. Once done he rinsed them off in a strainer, and added them to the salad. Now he had a perfect fruit salad! Something was still missing.

Honey mustard. Any sane American would know that good vinegar or honey mustard goes well with any salad either it be deformed or not.  Some may argue that Ranch or other normal salad dressing goes well, but who wanted that? Surely not these men! Men being singular meaning only Jensen! Jensen scrimmaged through the cabinets to see if there was any unopened bottles of dressing since he didn’t remember seeing any in the fridge from earlier. No such luck. Guess these men liked their salads bland or with Ranch dressing. Jensen groaned not wanting this concoction on his salad. He placed it back in the cabinet and closed it.  He turned around to be faced with Macready again who was holding an apple. He bit into it, and Jensen couldn’t help but think if anything could make Macready look like he was an asshole let it be an apple.  

Macready seemed to have read his mind. For some reason when people eat apples and have that complex to show the assholeness in them, the human not the apple, this would be the perfect get up. Not a complex movie sin when fake virtual life was at stake. He took another bite and moved away from Jensen. That was odd to Jensen. Did he just want to show off how much he loved apples? Jensen chose to ignore the weirdness and go back to his hunt of trying to find something remotely tasting to go in a fruit salad as a dressing. Macready grinned; taking a knife he cut into the apple and chucked a piece at the back of Jensen’s head. So that was what the payback complex that was speaking. Jensen turned around to see Macready cutting back into the apple and swallowing another bite off the knife. Jensen closed the pantry doors, leaned against them, and wondered if Macready would throw an apple slice at his forehead. He did. Macready couldn’t stop grinning and giving him that look that asked him what he was going to do about it. Macready was all about getting under Jensen’s playful flirting bone tonight.

Or just some payback from the first time Jensen smacked Macready’s bottom with the broom when they first started dating. Supposed he deserved that, but he was wasting a good apple. Jensen came over to the man who was leaning on the floating island counter to give him a piece of his mind about wasting good food. He opened his mouth to speak, but an apple slice was paced in his pipe hole instead. Jensen chewed on it while moving his face more towards Macready’s. Macready was ready to put another slice in his mouth if he tried to tell him to stop being an apple eating flirting asshole, but he never got the chance. Miller had come over with the pot of mashed potatoes and a stirring spoon in his hand waving it at the two.

“Can you boys tell me the meaning of this?” Miller glanced between Jensen and Macready. “This was a perfect mixture of mashed potatoes! Now what will the gravy be used for?”

Jensen looked into the pot to see that the chives had done the delicious justice he wanted. He took the spoon out of Miller’s hands, dipped it in the mashed potatoes, and brought it to his own mouth. He saw no problem with how they came out. He grabbed another spoonful with his hand, and shoved some into Macready’s mouth when he was about to speak on how disgusting that was, and always use a spoon. Only if Jensen had a pie to slap into Macready’s face to cue the laughing track that would pop out of nowhere. This would have to settle for now as payback for shoving an apple into his mouth. Not that he minded. Playful flirting out of maybe a dirty kitchen in the next few seconds sounded delightful! Only if all the parties involved were amused.

“Stop trying to have a food porn commercial in my kitchen. Grab a plate off the counter, and get something to eat.” Miller placed the pot back on the stove, and checked to make sure everything was back in order. So far nothing seemed out of the ordinary except for his salad. He noticed the chopped up apple bits in the green were starting to turn a slight shade of brown. This was not what his salad was supposed to be like! He just wanted to take it, and throw it at the men. Then he realized how hard he worked on the salad. Maybe just a radish and carrot would do. Throw one at each of them. He couldn’t resist as he threw a radish at Jensen, and a carrot at Macready. The two’s reaction from them was priceless. Yes, Miller was also capable of playing around. Oh God, he didn’t want his kitchen to be a middle school’s food fight.  

Macready piled hid plate with the delicious food, and kept his eye on Miller as he went to the table to set his plate down. He noticed that the eating area had baked croissant rolls in the middle with some kind of expensive wine and straight up _Absolut Vodka_. Guess someone was trying to tell them to stay over tonight, so why not kick off the disaster that starts with vodka? The strong kind. Maybe the fruity _Smirnoff_ flavor should’ve been added, so no one would try to stab one another with the closest thing available within the first two minutes. Except for Jensen. He just had to summon his holy blade out of his arm. He shuddered at the thought of being the poor sap being stabbed by that thing. He had his experience with his face scar from being stabbed by one of the loopy aug’s from the incident.

Jensen sat down next to Macready and grabbed the vodka. Damn, he wanted to start strong already. “Staring at the bottles, Mac, won’t make them disappear in your belly. I know we live in a weird world of technological advances, but unless you’re Jesus I suggest drinking the drink.” Jensen poured some in Macready’s glass before setting it back down in the middle of the table.

“I think Jesus would grab the wine to help calm himself over getting shit faced drunk.” Macready took a sip out of his glass and grimaced. Yeah, he wanted his fruity flavored vodka or even a beer. This was just too strong for his taste. He put the glass back down wishing he had a very tall glass of water to wash out the burning sensation. He settled with shoving a roll in his mouth.

Miller came in with his plate of goodies. He looked sad that his hard worked was ruined by damn fruit and herbs. Hopefully they tasted good to him as they did for Jensen as he was smiling happily into his food like he usually does. Miller shook his head, and settled himself down next to Jensen. He noticed that the two were digging in already far too much, and Jensen was already grabbing two more rolls! Miller smacked his hands away from the basket. Grace had to be said. This wasn’t going to be a proper blessed meal without saying thanks to God for giving them the food they had. That was at least what Miller was thinking. The other two just wanted to eat. The two; however, didn’t argue and clasped their hands together to say thank you and amen. Short and to the point.

“Ok, now we can dine you heathens.” Miller grabbed the bottle of wine, took notice that the vodka was almost empty, and Jensen had a short lived buzz on his face. “Did your buzz last more then 30 seconds this time?”

Jensen poured some more into his glass. “Mac had maybe taken a quarter of a sip from his glass, but I am down to drink it all for him to resist temptations.”

Miller said nothing more after that. He knew the bottle wasn’t going to last long, but he figured at least someone was going to finish their salads first before people started to get filtered or drunk. Miller hoped by the end of the night Jensen wouldn’t stealth off with his liquor cabinet. Not that he would get very far since all the glass bottles probably weighed as much as a vending machine that was half empty. Maybe drinking out of the wine bottle to settle his mind was a lot easier then drinking out of the glass. He drowned down his glass quickly, and decided after that to skip the middle man. He kept the bottle by his own plate, hogging it for himself. Not even Macready could convince him to let go of it.

“Am I the only one not going to get anymore alcohol tonight?” Macready watched Jensen chug the rest of the bottle. His face was still flushed out from the last couple of glasses. Maybe with how strong it was he would stay buzzed for a whole two minutes.

Jensen slammed the bottle back on the table satisfied. “Nope. No more alcohol for you tonight, and you haven’t even finished your first glass.”

“Because I have control unlike you and Miller.” Macready took a deep breath and swallowed his entire glass in one sitting. He didn’t enjoy that as he started coughing. Not worth showing Jensen that he would not stand him up. The burning sensation was definitely way too much for him this time. He felt a flush on his own cheeks from how hot it seemed to get in the room. He was still sober enough to think out of the two at least. He noticed that Miller’s bottle of wine was now down to half, and Jensen had quickly left to go get more food. When he came back he had the salad bowl with him, and proceeded to dump a lot of it on his plate. The situation made it hard not to stare at him.

What could Jensen say? He really loved fruit salad. He dug his fork into the bits, making sure a lot of the apples were on his fork, and started chewing down on the goodness. When he shoved a bunch of lettuce in his mouth was when he noticed the audience was staring at him. Probably wondering how he could eat the salad with absolutely nothing on it. Maybe a cow would enjoy it, but dry cucumbers with carrots? Not even peanut butter to dip the carrots in? It was inhuman enough, and now it was just an inedible pieces of grass clippings! Jensen shrugged. He didn’t care. He had what the others. The rest could just deal with their disgust.

Miller couldn’t take anymore of this, and got up to get some more to eat, or whatever went well with wine after his first course. He noticed the apricot cheesecake that he almost forgot about on the counter. Perfect leverage for his alcohol consumption. He grabbed a cake cutting knife from the knife rack, and started cutting it into eight slices. He was about to go back when he noticed a deck of playing cards laying out on the counter. Not sure how they had got there, but that didn’t stop him from getting a crazy idea in the form of a poker match for the dessert. Instead of people getting slices instantly he was going to make them work for it, because they drove him to drinking like this. That and he just wanted them to stay longer, because he was a very lonely man at one point; or he just didn’t want them to get crazy drunk.

Going back to the dining room Miller dropped the deck of cards in front of the two men, and placed the dessert on the table with the cutting knife on top of it. Jensen was no where near done completing his fruit salad, but he couldn’t say no to a very high sugary rush of orange goodness. He pushed his plate and bowl aside, and made his way to grab the knife till Miller slapped his hands away again.

“Not yet, Jensen. We’re going to play a game.” Miller sat across from Jensen. He started bridge shuffling the cards. “The game is Texas holdem. Six rounds and whoever wins each round get a slice of the cheesecake.”

Been a while since Jensen and Macready have both played poker, but they did agree once Miller talked them into it. They were both planning on what to do with the pieces they win besides eating it. The earlier conveniences of shoving food into each others mouths were coming back to haunt them. Not that either minded, but having sole bragging rights over deliciousness wasn’t the worse idea. Their ideas were quickly shut down after they pushed their silverware and dinner plates out of the way.

“Except for the catch!” Miller got up to go get a set of Poker chips and a dealer button that they would pass around. When he came back he placed the small black case in front of the two gentlemen. Opening it he revealed different colored chips that ranged between 10’s and 500’s. He split the chips evenly between the three of them, and placed the button in front of him. “I want to play a game of truth and truth. No dare’s. I don’t want someone running around the apartment butt naked, and then get deported to God knows where.”

Macready was awing. “You’re not fun tonight, Miller. I wanted to see your bare arse running all around the makeshift water fountain.” Macready looked at his two face down cards that Miller passed around earlier when he was talking. 4 of Spades and 10 of Spades. He sort of loved this hand. Chances at a flush draw were really high, but he can’t make a straight out of it; and it didn’t help the fact that neither card was close enough for a straight. Hopefully his hole cards won’t fail him when the flop comes out. Being the small blind already he didn’t have to do anything as he studied Jensen’s face wondering if his CASIE augment was on or off.

Jensen looked at his own face down cards; Jack of Diamonds and Deuce of hearts. Not a good hand to have, but the face card might help him maybe. Having two off suit cards like this wasn’t something he liked. “I don’t know, Mac, I think Miller might be on to something. I want to put his embarrassing secrets out on the table, or maybe even yours.” Jensen hadn’t needed to put his money where his mouth was, which was now preoccupied with his ass.

Miller being under the gun with the dealer button had no choice to match Jensen’s big blind since Jensen was already committed to the pot. He took a peak at his two cards; Queen of Spades and 10 of Clubs. With only three people he could technically count the cards and get away with it. Closer to a straight then anyone else he figured he would raise. Put them on the seat of their pants a bit. When he did that the two looked at their hands, and immediately folded. Too early in the game to call a raise when the cards aren’t both high enough; especially, when three handed.

Round 1: Miller won with a glorious beginner’s move! Will this lead him into a head start for round 2?  

Miller grabbed a glorious piece of cake from its place, and stared at the other two. He dug a fork in his piece, brought it to his mouth, and purposely made moaning noises to annoy the two. Worked on Jensen as his flushed face was becoming redder over the fact that Miller was making sexual noises over food. Didn’t help the fact that Jensen still felt slightly drunk from the heavy liquor. Macready looked not amused as if he was used to this kind of behavior.

Miller took the fork out of his mouth and moved the fork in front of his face between the two with the cake on it to determine which victim will be the first one of the many embarrassments to come. Maybe for now he would settle for letting it slide. He did make them all fold with his cool and calm composure, and the embarrassment on their faces was priceless enough. “Alright boys, I’ll let the question slide this time. I just really want to enjoy this cheesecake before we go in for combat.”

That was a sigh of relief for both of them. For round two Macready got the dealer button. He looked at his cards to see an 8 of diamonds and 7 of hearts. A connected hand was nothing to complain about, and could go well for him. He called Miller’s big blind then motions for Jensen to see if he would make his little blind even to the call since he was half committed already. Jensen looked at his hand to see he had a 10 of hearts and a duce of diamonds. A Doyle Brunson hand. He added the chips he needed just because it was the full houses of winning. Even if they’re bad cards. Jensen looked at Miller to see what he would do. Miller looked at his hand that consisted of 3 of spades and Queen of diamonds. He just checked.

Burn a card and the flop turned over: 6 of Hearts, 6 of Clubs, and Jack of Clubs 

Jensen checked since his hand wasn’t any good, Miller checked since he had nothing either, and Macready thought about betting to see if they were fooling him. He still didn’t know if Jensen was using his CASIE augment. Instead he decided to check to see if his thoughts were true. Everyone ignored the fact that they really had nothing.

Burn a card and the turned card appeared: 9 of Spades

Jensen checked again, Miler checked, and Macready was dancing at the fact he has a chance for a straight draw. Jensen saw the motion of uprising heart beat through his CASIE augment that he forgot to turn back off again after the chess match. He took note that Macready held his composure after he got his heart beat under control. No need to give away that he knew. Just settle for a check.

Burn a card and the river card appeared: 10 of Diamonds

The board currently looked like this: 6 of Hearts, 6 of Clubs, Jack of Clubs, 9 of Spades, and 10 of Diamonds

Jensen was unsure if he should bet or not, because of Macready’s reactions through his body language. Jensen’s two pairs of 10’s and 6’s probably won’t hold up with whatever Macready had, and that river card was definitely the kicker for him. He decided to make a bet, against his better judgment, so Macready doesn’t know that he cheated to see who won. After that he switched off his CASIE augment. He saw that Miller folded while he was thinking. Macready couldn’t help his excitement, and made it clear that he made a raise, since his straight: J 10 9 8 7, will knock out whatever Jensen decided to do. Jensen sighed and made the very bold move to bet to feed Macready’s ego since Brunson failed him.

Macready flipped over his straight to Jensen’s two pair. “Not so lucky on the turn are you there, love?”

Round 2: Macready won the humble pie with absolutely no shame whatsoever! Hopefully round 3 won’t be so egomaniacally!

Macready wasn’t as nice as Miller. He got his own piece, and cut it into smaller slices so he could enjoy it more without swallowing it in two bites unlike some people. He looked at Jensen to see that he was practically drooling as he really wanted one by now since Macready’s slow cutting was torturing him while he was doing it. Macready felt bad, and didn’t want to be too evil as he goes to place a piece into Jensen’s open mouth; but cruelly ripped it away to place it into his own. Jensen ended up clanking his teeth closed onto air, and the fact he pretended to not know that Macready had won was getting biting him back in the face. He should have kept his CASIE augment turned on. At least this way he could try to win every round.

“Alright, Jensen, I have a question for you since you’re the only one here without cake.” Macready took another bite before continuing just to rub it in. “Between Miller and I, who do you think could pleasure you the most?”

Jensen looked between Miller’s shocked face, and Macready’s mischievous smile. Was this going to turn into a war between the three, or was sex off the table or back on the table with a scale rating of 1 thru 10? No right answers in this case, but this would bring some personal vengeance against the guy who played him with the orange food of goodness.

“I have to get fucked by Miller first to be the judge of that.” Jensen smirked when he saw Macready’s brow furrow in a bit of embarrassment and anger. Maybe that will get Macready to think twice before pulling that stunt again. Miller pretended he didn’t even hear the question or the answer. Ways to pleasure Jensen more then Macready could didn’t play well on the mind during a poker game. He needed to put his full concentration into the game.

For round three the dealer button went to Jensen, and he was the one now to bet first. Being under the gun was tough for most people, but when one has a 10 of clubs and diamonds life was worth meaning again. He automatically raised with the two ten’s he had. He turned to see what Miller would do. Miller checked his hand of Ace of Clubs and 10 of Spades. He called Jensen’s raise with the 60 and 40 percent hand he had. Miller smirked and looked over to Macready to see if he’ll add to his big blind. Macready folded as a jack of diamonds and deuce of hearts was not worth the call of the raise.

Burn a card and the flop turned over:  4 of clubs, 7 of spades, and 7 of diamonds

Miller checked. Jensen thought for a moment if he wanted to check or bet since the cheesecake and possible stack of chips being on the line. Time for the slow play strategy. Jensen checked as well.

Burn a card and the turn appeared: 4 of spades

Miller checked again. Jensen put on his cold stone poker face, and threw out the minimum bet. Miller knew that Jensen was going to win this. His face didn’t have to show it, but his betting did; or maybe the way he got cocky all of a sudden? Miller looked at the board again, and at his hand. Two pair on the board with his high card of an ace in his hand. Something told Miller that Jensen had maybe a 7 or a 4. Miller made a loud noise of disapproval, and folded his hand. Jensen smirked, didn’t even show his hand, and placed it face down in the stack to be shuffled back into the deck.

Round 3: Winner goes to the machine! Will machine beat man again for the remaining 3 slices?

Macready looked at Jensen with a pique interest. “Didn’t feel like sharing your winning hand?”

“Don’t have to when everyone else folds.” Jensen shrugged as he looked at the two. “Who can I humiliate now? Maybe the guy who teased me, so I can avenge my appetite or the guy slowly getting drunk off his wine?”

Miller pointed the bottle towards Jensen. “Speak for yourself! I am surprised your face is still flushed.”

“I blame Sweden.” Jensen went back and forth between the two cocking his eyebrow and moving his mouth like the decision was life threatening. “Ok, Duncan. You’re on the high roller tonight. Why don’t you let me top once in our relationship? I do enjoy riding you when you do let me be technically on top, but I want to get my dick wet as well.”

Macready felt the embarrassment grow on his face. “Ok, Adam, I get it. You want to fuck me. I like to top all the time, because of Miller over here with his over assertion of wanting to dominate me when it was just us two in a relationship.”

Miller looked at him with a horror stricken face, and took another sip of wine before continuing. “Me?! I let you ride me as well! Technically you’re on top!”

“You never let me once put it in you!” Macready threw a roll at Miller’s head. Aiming perfectly in between the eyes.

Miller whipped the offending food off his forehead. “We’ll see who does tonight.”

At least Jensen knows now why he’ll never see the light of day to topping. He’ll have to take Miller up on that tonight. Back to the poker game.

Round 4 started. Miller had the dealer button back and once again under the gun. Miller nearly whistled at his pocket rockets of Ace of Diamonds and Clubs. He obviously raised. With two Ace’s? No way in hell was he folding. Macready was tired of getting a Jack and a deuce for as for some reason the universe was definitely against him. He folded the Jack of spades and deuce of clubs. He wasn’t calling that raise, and was thinking that God was against him for something he did earlier in his life or past life. Jensen was amused, and looked at his Ace of Spades and Jack of Clubs. He called Miller’s raise.

Burn a card and the flop appeared: 10 of Spades, 5 of Clubs, and 6 of Diamonds

Jensen was disappointed when the flop appeared. He checked. Miller moved the chips in between his fingers, and decided to bet. Jensen thought about it for a second. Was it worth it? Even with two face cards, but it doesn’t mean shit was going to happen. He folded.

Round 4: Guess machine was no match for Miller’s human muscles! Now two pieces have gone to him! Who will get the remaining two?

Miller was on fire now with a million burning questions in his head. This time he wasn’t going to be nice. He skipped the first round out of courtesy, but right now it was every man for himself. He stood up, and directed this question specifically towards Macready. “Out of two of us in this room I know you want to make out with me the most. Am I right or am I wrong?”

“What made you think of that?” Macready crossed his arms and glared at the older man in defiance. “I don’t want to make out with you.”

“Maybe not right now, but I know you want to later. The talk about you riding me turned you on some. I know you’re not a lightweight, so that blush I noticed earlier wasn’t from your pansy sip of alcohol.” Miller went over to Macready leaning towards his face, placed his hands on the man’s shoulders, and nipped at his ear playfully. “Try harder hiding that blush?”

Miller moved his kiss to Macready’s scar. He planted smooth kisses on it gently before taking him into his mouth. Macready was doing his best sitting here with his arms crossed like a stubborn man not wanting to give into his desires, and Miller was leaning to the side trying to make out with him. Not that he was complaining. Yes, he wanted to make out with Miller. He was getting hot and bothered by it when he started to massage his shoulders. He even managed to kiss back, and that was when Miller pulled away fully. All it took was that tiny kiss to set off the chain of events.  

“I win.” Miller went back to his chair wearing a proud smirk. “Next round please!”

Macready felt flustered as he was shuffling the cards. He didn’t like being teased like that, and he was going to make Miller pay for it later some how. Right now he had to keep his mind in the game and concentrate. Hopefully he would get his revenge in this round.

Round 5 started. 9 and 6 of Clubs. Not a bad hand at all for Macrready. Chances for a straight and a flush might now be over 55 percent. He called to match Miller’s big blind. Jensen looked at his hand to see an 8 and 5 of diamonds. He had much of a winning chance as Macready did. Jensen called to match up with the chips. All eyes went to Miller who had a 7 of Diamonds and 4 of Spades.

Burn a card and the flop appeared: 4 of  Clubs, 3 of Diamonds, and 5 of Spades

Fireworks hands of the year were all around! Everyone has a chance for a straight draw. Close to a flush for Macready and Jensen, but depending on the turn and river card things could change. Jensen with his pair and straight draw he bet the minimum. Miller decided to call even with his pair of 4’s. Macready looked at his chances of a 7 or a deuce. Pretty good. He decided to call.

Burn a card and the turn appeared: 3 of Clubs

Jensen bet with his two pair. He wasn’t letting this one go with a check. Miller called Jensen’s bet. Macready held his breath, and called for now. He was hoping the universe did him some justice with the river card since it screwed him over earlier with that Jack and Deuce.

Burn a card and the river appeared: 8 of Clubs

Jensen now had a higher pair that could’ve won, but then what he had earlier with the river card being an 8 he now has 8’s and 5’s. Miller folded. He wasn’t betting with a 7 and 4. His knew when he had been beaten. Macready let out his breath slowly, so that he doesn’t draw any suspicion to his winning flush draw of 9, 8, 6, 4, and 3 of clubs. He calmly raised Jensen. Jensen simply called him. They both turn over, and Macready spat back in Jensen’s face with the glory laugh. Jensen smiled, and complimented him on his well played hand.

Round 5: Sadly Macready’s ego didn’t escape him. Only one slice to go! Who will get it? Maybe Jensen could tie it? We shall see!

Oh how Macready was enjoying this! He wanted to go deep and go hard with this next question. Maybe get Miller to show a blush on his face for once from national embarrassment. “So, Miller, what past experience would you erase from your life?” He was hoping Miller would say something funny. Like a funny joke that got lost at the punch line or maybe an embarrassing one that was from his childhood.

“I would erase the day I went out with you.” Miller took it way out of context with that, or maybe Macready should’ve been more specific as what he said could be taken many ways. Whatever the reason he sure as hell said it with a straight face.

Macready felt cold inside as his spine got a tingling sensation. “Nice to know finally. At least you had the nerve to say it to my face. Sad it took a truth or dare altercation for you to say it.”

“Jesus, Mac! I am joking! I wouldn’t wish you out of my life no matter how many times you get under my skin.” Miller patted his arm. “You’re my brother-in-arms, and soon to be lover. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you like that intentionally ever again. I am sorry.”

Soon to be lover? Even after the whole manipulation and abuse the past few days? Jensen and Macready shall see. Maybe the past could be just that: the past. He even said sorry!

Final round started with Jensen being the last person under the gun. He looked at his 8 of Diamonds and 9 of Clubs. He called. Miller looked at his Queen of Hearts and 10 of Diamonds. Deciding to play the gambit with the final piece he raised Macready. Macready took one look at his 7 of Spades and 5 of Diamonds. He folded. Jensen called the raise.

Burn a card and the flop appeared: 9 of Spades, 9 of Diamonds, and 8 of Clubs

Macready was kicking himself right now for folding the hand. He looked to see what Jensen would do. He peaked over his shoulder to see that Jensen had a full house, because of the 9 and 8 in his hand. Macready decided to play some mind games with the two of them. Just for his own little personal payback.

“Aw, Jensen, what a bad hand you have! Three of a kind? Really? With that weak hand?” Macready peaked over to Miller’s hand. “What a godly hand! That chance for a flush draw on the turn and river does look good for you! Just pray that you get it!”

The two glared at Macready not liking what he was doing. Both were sort of lies, and the truth might have been stretched a little. Jensen easily figured it out that Miller had a bad hand as Miller figured Jensen was having a good hand based off of Macready’s choice of tone in his words. Something was going to go wrong between the two hands or someone was going to get a bruise on their face over food. Hopefully Macready’s by the end of this session.

Jensen checked. He wasn’t about to go full blown all in with his full house. He wanted to savior it, and he curiosity got the best of him with Macready’s bullshit talk. Miller called his slow play with his own check.

Burn a card and the turn appeared: Jack of Clubs

Jensen placed a bet. Macready checked over Miller’s shoulder again. “Be careful, love. This guy’s hand might be unstoppable. No way you can stop his three’s Jack’s.”

Miller was tired of playing his mind games and since this was the last slice of cheesecake he decided to go all in. Jensen realized that Macready had changed what Miller supposedly had in his hand. Maybe helping him win? Macready had nothing else to say after he sat back down. He had his revenge from the chess game with the mind games. Jensen called Miller. The two flipped their cards over, and Miller nearly cursed to himself. It was over. No matter what the river card was he lost.

Burn a card and the river card appeared: Queen of Clubs

Round 6: And the final slices goes to Jensen! Congratulations! You have caused a tie breaker! How will you three solve this?

Jensen looked between the two. His flush was gone, and he was now sober enough to think clearly. Even the anonymous announcer no longer spoke in his head. He directed his question final question between the two of them as he ate his two slices of cheesecake. “How about we take this to the bedroom now?”

Burn a cake and the deal breaker appeared.  


	8. The Use Of Perfectly Useless Leverage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic attacks. What caused them? How can one make them go away? What would people do for the person having them? Can peace be found afterwards? Does Jensen himself even know? He does go through so many in quite a number of days. There seemed to be no end to them. Without the pills needed to stop them how long will it be before someone gets fed u with them? Don't abandon Jensen. He doesn't need this right now. Show the support, please. Don't make him beg.

Jensen realized what he had said as soon as the words left his mouth. He cursed silently to himself as the last bit of alcohol that was affecting him filtered out of his system. Maybe no one would notice? Jensen stared at Miller and Macready waiting for some kind of reply about wanting to go to bed with him or to make a frisky move. They both were slightly tipsy themselves, but coherent enough to understand the situation at hand. Miller was the first to act as he stood up and walked behind Jensen. He placed his hands on Jensen’s shoulders causing the younger man to tense up. Getting straight to the frisky business.

Miller leaned in with his elbows and hands, giving Jensen the best neck and shoulder massage of his life while telling him that everything would work out after tonight. Jensen wasn’t sure if he was convinced of that. Maybe a little reassurance would be needed if all sex turned into wonderful neck massages graced with the hand of God. He looked at Macready with a very slight worried look and wondering if his hands were that of Jesus to necks. Macready missed the less important look, and was contemplating if Jensen was going to have one of his attacks and if so it better be an orgasm of happiness.

Jensen was about to get up, feeling that the kinks were put to rest enough, when Miller hit those sweet spots on Jensen’s aching back bars. He instantly relaxed, sliding down a bit in his chair like a puddle of goo. Macready shifted in his seat knowing that Jensen was quite literally in good hands, but a bit jealous it wasn’t he himself stroking his back. Out of all people Macready knew better than Miller where Jensen’s super sweet spots are. Macready even thought back to a memory of those same hands rubbing up and down his shoulders while working out the kinks in his own organic muscles. Guess in Jensen’s case it would be the kinks in his metal bits mixed with whatever organic muscles were left.

Miller leaned his chin down to Jensen’s shoulder level. He grunted in pain when he did so, realizing his knees weren’t what they use to be. Macready couldn’t help but crack a chuckle, and make an old man joke. Miller didn’t even bother to make a comeback as he needed to concentrate at his current task of making Jensen loosen up a bit and not wanting knee replacement surgery at the same time. He turned Jensen’s head to the side forcing him to look at his own. Miller couldn’t help but admire Jensen’s sometimes blue and sometimes golden irises. Right now they seemed to look like a steady dark brown with just a tint of gold. Unusual but nothing to complain about when it came to the mood ring of eyes. Absolutely not. He just needed to remind himself once more that changing eye color based on states of the mind was not out of the ordinary.

Jensen wasn’t sure what Miller was thinking at the time. He was getting bored with just being stared at. Grabbing Miller’s chin he locked their lips together. He didn’t have the patience to wait for Miller’s first move. The kiss was more than enough to get Miller to snap out of his daze. Miller accepted the kiss, and prodded his tongue inside the cavity of Jensen’s mouth tasting the after effects of the alcohol that Jensen consumed mostly all by himself. Pushing the thought into the back of his mind he moved his hand from Jensen’s neck to the underside of the collar of the shirt. Jensen’s eyes perked open at the touch  over the patterns under his neck. Not that he minded till Miller’s hand started wondering up his chest to touching the parts that kept him in place.

Miller pulled away when Jensen started to shake a little from the tough. “Something wrong, Adam? If you don’t want to do this we don’t have to. I can tell the alcohol was doing all the talking at the time. Word vomit can be very messy.”

“No, not that. I just...I don’t think this the position you’re in was comfortable with your knees.” A complete and not a very good lie. He wanted to experiment further into the sexual part of this relationship, but something was pushing at the back of his mind that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to bring it to the surface. The touches were so foreign to him. Not like Macready’s. Jensen looked to Macready for some guidance, but only to see he wasn’t there. Probably went to the living room to get the bag of goodies. Great. Now he had to defend his own level of sensitivity all by himself.

Miller didn’t buy into Jensen’s lie nor did he think it was a good one. He could clearly see the minor-severe-oxymoronic level of discomfort on Jensen’s face, and the enthusiasm slowly slipping away from his own. Miller got off the ground and stretched his knees back into their proper old position. He made a mental note in his mind to start bike riding again to get those joints back into shape. Having a bicycle lean up against the wall by one’s front door, and not being used only collects dust, headaches, and make lethargic relationships with inanimate objects. Miller had no intentions of doing that to _Stella_ anytime soon.

Jensen felt bad. He tried not to let it show, but sometimes when he was in deep thinking he would just stare at certain places in front of him weighing out the situations. Tonight wasn’t that case giving the fact his body waving away the touches didn’t hold any good starts. Getting up he went to go see where Macready went. He wasn’t in the living room surprisingly. The bag didn’t appear to be in its spot on the coffee table either. Chess set still remained intact and in the winning position from earlier. Jensen flicked over Macready’s king, and proceeded his way back towards the kitchen. He heard footsteps from Macready on his way back. Possibly from the bedroom if Jensen remembered Miller’s bedroom placement from the last time he was here.

Miller came into the kitchen from the dining room with a stack of plates and utensils. Jensen quickly grabbed the glasses that were barely hanging on for dear life on top. He didn’t want Miller to step onto any happy glass accidents when he decided to walk in here barefooted for some ate night orange juice. He placed the dishes into the sink along with taking the plates out of Miller’s hands to place on the counter. Jensen grabbed a scrubbing pad from the sink, and scrubbed off the excess residue on the dishes into the garbage can while Miller ran hot-soapy water. He wanted to take his mind off something, and this seemed to be the best of anything. Miller stood next to him with a dish towel and offered to dry whatever Jensen washed and handed to him. Jensen did so without saying a word.

Miller kept his eyes on Jensen’s movements for a while when he had a plate placed in his hands to dry. Watching him scrub in circle motions and then really fast at the tough stained pots and pans. Jensen noticed the looks that Miller was giving him when he side-eyed him. Not going unnoticed Jensen placed a plate in front of Miller’s face to dry, and secretly to block his vision as a joke.

“Putting my face behind a plate doesn’t make me go away, Jensen, or give me a super hero name of ‘Plate-Man’.” Miller grabbed the plate out of Jensen’s hands to dry.

“How does one even start off a conversation like that?” Jensen continued scrubbing the plates in the soapy water that was starting to turn disgusting. He changed the water, and went back to washing. Going a bit too fast as he scrubbed a plate to the point that it cracked. Damn his augmentations for giving him speedy dish washing skills when he didn’t want to use such talents. The number one lesson he learned tonight that Quicksilver under pressure washing was a no-no. Plates might end up breaking and eyes might get poked out with wannabe shrapnel.

“Woah! Slow down there, mate. You might scrub a clear hole through the bloody thing.” Miller grabbed Jensen’s hands gently, and pulled them out of the water. “Come on. We’ve done enough already. Maybe we should see Mac.”

Jensen looked down at the way Miller touched his hands. Definitely doesn’t feel the same way Macready holds them at times. Maybe this way just seemed more fitting for a situation like this when wanting to calm down something that never seemed to end with Jensen or the fact Miller’s fingers started to prune. One of the things Jensen missed.

“Adam?” Miller looked at him. He was unsure if he should pull his hands away or not. Jensen didn’t give him any sign to do so.

“Your fingers are pruny.” Jensen rubbed Miller’s fingers tips to feel the squishy weirdness.

Miller moved his hands away from Jensen for a moment before taking one into a single hand. He led him to the stairs to go join Macready in the bedroom, who should get a talking to for skipping out on dish duty that he wasn’t assigned to. He was supposed to be nice and help. When they made it to their destination they see Macready sitting in his birthday suit on the bed with a bottle of opened vodka that he had to have grabbed from somewhere. Maybe the side drawer that was left partially opened? Had to be. The bag of goodies also rested on top of there.

“I am not sharing the bottle this time with either of you.” Macready took another sip coughing. This man and burning alcohol really did not mix well together.

Jensen let go of Miller’s hand, and sat on the bed next to Macready. “Are you ready to get thoroughly drunk or have sex?” Jensen eyed Macready’s lower regions as he took the bottle out of his hands before a complaint could be made. He placed it on the nightstand then went to get himself in a position on the bed to show off his body to Macready.

“You two were taking too long, so I went ahead and got started on having my one-man party. The bag with the lubricant and condoms are on the table, but I think you already knew that.” Macready watched Jensen steady himself on his knees, and take off his shirt. Enjoying the view Macready placed his hands behind his head and watched the minor strip show taking place in front of him. He didn’t even notice Miller getting into bed next to him.

Jensen hoped off the bed, and faced away from Macready. Unbuckling his pants, slowly stripped them off along with his underwear giving off a full moon to the two staring at his well firmed backside. Macready grabbed Jensen when he was done, pulling him close to his side. Jensen spread his legs for the two. Miller moved to the other side of Jensen, so he could have better access. He wanted to get a full view of what he was about to get himself into. He ran his hands down Jensen’s exposed thighs till he reached just above the kneecap where his shown augmented legs stopped at. They were indeed something to look at. For Miller this was new. Never being with an augmented person in his life still a bit of shellshock for him. To see how much someone’s body can be pushed in to. Rather it makes a person better or worse. He should’ve known better then to think about this, because of his daughter. Switching gears, he urged Jensen to slide down to where his head will meet the pillows.

Miller grabbed the bottle of lubricant in his hands, and gave it to Macready to prepare Jensen. Being a first timer with Jensen he didn’t him to feel relaxed under someone’s trust he familiarized himself with, and Macready already knew what Jensen liked and disliked. Moving over into a position where he was lying down next to Jensen he gave him a kiss in hopes that it would take a bit of the distraction away from Macready’s fingers. Didn’t take Jensen long for his mouth to open at the intrusion, and Miller’s nibbling his lips weren’t helping.

Macready moved a finger evenly inside Jensen. He didn’t want to start out with the usual two this time, because of Jensen’s movements from the massage. Macready gets the embarrassment and uneasiness. He remembered being this way a few times around Miller when they first started fucking. Jensen himself even acted like this. Macready laughed to himself at the memory of Jensen’s first time. He practically had to tie Jensen’s legs down metaphorically to his shoulders when he got a kick to the face from the awkward preparations. Macready might be joking about the metaphorical, but not about getting kicked in the face. Going to work the next day with a huge supporting battle bruise on his face from the first time experience with his boyfriend caused an interesting look of concerns from his fellow agents. He even made Jensen be his personal secretary that morning by making him fetch him a coffee and the new brand of alcohol across the street to replace the one the man stole the other day.

Pushing the memory aside Macready added a second finger, and started his typical rhythm he knew Jensen liked after he knew the body he was preparing didn’t kick him in the chest. That seemed to relax the jitter bug some. Macready ran his free hand up one of Jensen’s relaxed thighs. Perfect. This was also what Macready wanted from Jensen. When Jensen relaxed then Macready would relax his brain from the fear of dying by getting kicked in the throat by augmented legs. Sighing he pulled his fingers out, and placed himself in a sitting position by Jensen’s head.

Miller had long ago stripped himself of all his clothing. Running a thumb across his lover’s neck muscles he could feel that they were definitely less knotted. Jensen shrugged the feeling off, and laid his body out more for Miller to explore. Miller accepted the invitation and began his journey across Jensen’s torso pressing his hands gently on the twitching stomach to feel if there were any differences to the way he touched non-augmented people. If there was a difference he couldn’t tell. Exploring Jensen’s chest wasn’t enough for him to decide. Miller wanted to give it a little taste and expand the questions in his mind to give answers. Was the salty taste any different? Did Jensen even sweat? Prodding is tongue forward he started giving suckles and light kisses down Jensen’s middle. He indeed does sweat, and there was no difference in taste. Miller was a tad disappointed to find that out. He was hoping to have some dermal armor flavor to try. Oh well. Miller moved back to Jensen’s upper torso kissing the bolts and patterns just below his neck. Jensen moved his hands to Miller’s hair feeling around the scalp trying to get a grip on the short hair. One of the most sensitive parts of his body Miller had just recently discovered due to the nature of tugging.

Macready noticed the reaction on Jensen’s face. Something between asking the universe why this feels oh so good, and why did his body react to such simple touches in the most awkward ways? Macready wanted an answer. He scooted down to Jensen’s eye level. He laid on his side making himself known to Jensen that he was going to be a smug asshole.

Jensen turned to look at him. “What do you-“ Jensen’s voice was cut off by Miller’s sudden movement in body change by moving in between his legs, and a mouth claiming one of his nipples.

“Cat got your tongue?  I just haven’t seen you act this awkward since your first time with me. Almost like you’re a virgin again.” Macready brought his free hand to Jensen’s arm, dancing his fingertips across the black metal. “When I did this for the first time you wanted to move your arm away in a twitching motion, and hide it under the covers. Just like you’re doing now except no covers to retreat to as you’re sitting on them.”

Jensen didn’t comment back on that, and was very thankful when Miller moved away from his chest. Not without paying attention to the other nub with his fingers before doing so. Miller moved into a better position in between Jensen’s legs, and pulled him down some more to where his head was no longer on the pillows. Jensen didn’t ask what he was about to do since he has been in this position multiple times before. Being used to this part by now he watched Miller add some of the lubricant to his own shaft. Fully prepared Miller scooted himself up to meet Jensen’s gaze. He then proceeded to place Jensen’s legs in a bent angle to where they meet just next to the top of his shoulders. With an easy motion he was able to slide into Jensen quite smoothly. He leaned down, and met his lips with Jensen’s when he was all the way in. That took some of the twitch out of Jensen’s legs. The pace started out slow with Jensen thrusting up to meet Miller’s pace.

Macready, feeling a bit left out, leaned against the headboard for support as he placed his hand on his own shaft to jerk himself off. He didn’t like being left out of the action, but watching wasn’t a bad idea either. Being a voyeur? First time for everything. Watching Miller pound into Jensen as fast as the old man could go definitely wasn’t a turn on, but the red look on Jensen’s face with his eyes slightly closed did make him stroke himself faster over his foreskin. Moving his hand up and down, feeling his own orgasm about to hit him. Looking down at the two he couldn’t help but see how vulnerable Jensen looked. This brought him back to the mental picture of Jensen under him, moaning his name while wearing an inhibitor collar around his neck preventing him from using his augmented strength to stop him from teasing, kissing, and biting those sensitive spots of his. He’ll have to remind Jensen about wanting to do this later. They’ve talked about it once before, but after the events in Facility 451 he wasn’t too keen on wearing any collars right now.

Jensen placed his nose into Miller’s neck, breathing in it with a loud noise as he came in between them. Miller wasn’t too far behind him. With a few more thrusts he let himself go inside of Jensen. Pulling out he settled himself on the other side of him trying to regain his breath. He hadn’t worked himself this hard since Macready. Almost felt like a heart attack. Miller might need to schedule a doctor appointment just to make sure breathing this hard wasn’t an abnormal thing when it came to semi-old people having sex. Turing he saw that Macready was still left unattended. He was about to go over there to help him when he crawled himself on top of Jensen. Miller watched Macready force Jensen on his belly, and started thrusting in him at a fast pace.

Miller moved off the bed. It started to shake at a pace that would make him vibrate a little too much, and the neighbors were probably already getting a broom to hit the ceiling below them to tell them to knock it off. “Mac! Don’t you dare break my bed or put scratches in my hardwood floor!”

“No promises, mate.” Macready pulled at Jensen’s ear with his teeth. Putting all his thrusting efforts into the last bit he needed for his own release. Collapsing on top of Jensen, he let himself gain a bit of composure before kissing Jensen’s shoulder. He rolled back to the side he was preoccupying earlier.

Jensen had no words to describe what had just happen. He didn’t want to turn over, the soreness in his lower back already settled in, but he didn’t want to sleep like this all night. Grunting he turned onto his back with a heavy effort. Not one of his best moments of triumphs with minimal damage. Once his own breath was gathered he looked between the two seeing that they were in no hurry to cuddle. Disappointing. Jensen sat up, rubbed his bed hair back into the position he wanted since a few strands loosened out of place, and then proceeded to get off the bed to go clean up in the bathroom.

Miller moved towards the middle wanting to be closer to Macready. He poked the man’s nose to get his attention since it seemed like it was elsewhere. “Euro for your thoughts?”

Macready turned his attention to Miller. “That joke wasn’t relevant in the early 2000’s, and it won’t be relevant now. Don’t say ‘a credit for your thoughts?’ either.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re the bearer of mood disappointments?” Miller looked up at the ceiling fan watching it twirl around giving off a light breeze.

Macready turned his attention back at the ceiling that Miller found so interesting now. What a ceiling starrier thief. What was so interesting about it anyways? Just a white vanity of black specks made it feel like they were staring at dust bunnies. “Funny. No. I am just thinking about how Jensen bought all those condoms for us, and we didn’t get to use them at all.” Not really. He just didn’t want to say what he was really thinking out loud.

“Maybe tomorrow. I am too worn out.” Miller stretched out his limbs and sat up. “Once Jensen comes out, want to hit the showers?”

“I thought your old arse was catching up to you that you needed me to give you a sponge bath?” Macready dodged a pillow that was thrown at him. “Do not try out for the MLB. You old coot.”

The two were laughing and cracking jokes with one another like old times. Jensen tried not to think anything of it, but couldn’t help it. Standing away from the door he turned on the shower, and stepped in it wasting no time to rinse himself off of tonight’s sex. Once done he grabbed a towel off the rack hanging off the sliding glass shower door and proceeded to dry off. He didn’t hear anymore talking during his towel dry. Not sure if that was a good thing or not. He wrapped the towel around his waist after getting his hair back the way he wanted. A bit tangled but he’ll manage. Opening the door he noticed the two were not in bed, but were standing around a small table in Miller’s bedroom messing with something green in what appeared to be star and circle shapes. He went over to the still naked bunch and peaked over their shoulders. A glow in the dark space sticker set stretched along the table.

Jensen hid his excitement and stopped his hands from wanting to start making patterns from the shapes. The ISS, Hubble Space Telescope, shooting stars along with regular stars, moons of all kinds, the planets even Pluto to the non-believers of it being just a moon, asteroids, and many other cool things of shapes and sizes were just staring at him to grab. The temptation. He reached for the Hubble sticker without anyone noticing and picked it up. Staring at it he started going over space facts in his head wondering if anyone would be interested in them. Probably not. He pushed his thoughts to the side, and placed it back into the pile. He just let the two do the talking and sorting.

Miller moved away from the table with a few pieces in his hand going towards to a spare bedroom with Macready grabbing the remains. Jensen followed the two curious what was about to happen. Miller flipped on the lights to what looked like a child’s room, or should one say: children’s room. Jensen looked around to see it was specifically designed for Miller’s two kids to sleep in if they were still here. The daughter’s side of the room had glow in the dark butterflies on one side of her headboard. Jensen didn’t notice them glowing in the dark earlier, and probably needed to be changed. He followed the two men to the son’s side. He watched Miller and Macready start placing pieces randomly around the headboard. Some didn’t stick and fell behind the bed. Bummer. Jensen bent over to reach under the bed to grab them. When he picked them up he noticed how dirty they’ve become. He dusted off the layer, and placed them on the wall with a bit of force making them stick.

Miller felt a bit out shined by Jensen’s alloy stick to the walls fingers. “Trying to one-up the good old fashion handy work of pure finger skin and bone?”

Jensen shrugged off the jealousy. “Was that supposed to be a pun?”  

“Maybe. Look just be the catcher if any falls, and I have a stepping stool in the closet over there. Mind getting it for us?” Miller pointed to the kid’s closet.

“Ok.” Jensen opened up the door, grabbed the stool, and brought it to the two. He unfolded it, and watched Miller climb the steps and place the stuff on the ceiling. Jensen didn’t say anything about the inaccuracy of the planets placements as he needed to remind himself this was for children. Not for adults. His mind started swimming with concern over something that wasn’t meant to be 100 percent factual placement.  

Once the two were done Miller went to the switch and turned it off. The stickers glowed brightly for any kid that wanted to look up at the night sky to see stars and planets out of the wrong sequence. Perfect. The three cleaned up any mess that was left, placed the stool back in the closet, and left the room to go back to their bedroom. Once there Jensen dropped his towel and got dressed back into his underwear and pants. The two told Jensen to hang tight as they went to go shower. Jensen watched them close the door behind him. Taking the opportunity he quickly left the room to go back to the kid’s room to fix the planets and their placements. He just couldn’t stand it. He also knew Miller was going to kill him if he got caught.

“Jensen!” Miller turned on the lights to see Adam had just placed the planets and moons in the right order along with the ISS not orbiting around Pluto. “What are you doing?”

Jensen looked at the two to see that Miller and Macready had changed into matching night clothes. He felt a little left out and jealous. He went over to Miller to give him his side of the story in a calm manner, but Miller wasn’t having anything of this calm manner stuff. He put his foot down and told him to get out of this room and to stop fixing things that weren’t broken. Just like his cooking, his kid’s room was something he shouldn’t have messed with.

“Sorry, sir.” Jensen went into his work auto-tune as he does with Macready when he gets like this. “I just wanted to show a proper representation of the planets and moons.”

Miller pinched the bridge of his nose taking a deep breath. “Look, Jensen, some things you just don’t mess with. This being one of them and honestly? Do you really think the kids are going to know the difference between the way Mercury and Jupiter look, because they all look like the same circle with no resembling patterns. Do I make myself clear?”

“Copy that.” Jensen didn’t correct him about the size of each shape. That was how he was able to tell which planet was which. Instead he hid his hurt and followed the two out of the kid’s room back to the bedroom. His appreciation for getting a talking to from either of his bosses still lie under Macready. With Miller it felt humiliating and the scolding outside of work made him feel like he was a small kid again.

Jensen sat down on the right side of the bed with Macready in the middle and Miller on the left. Noticing how Miller and Macready cuddled together made him think they just wanted some time with each other since Jensen had their undivided attention during sex. Turning on his side he faced the wall admiring the pictures hanging up in the dim light. The TV in front of them came to life with some Australian documentary blasting through the speakers. Jensen could practically taste the kid in the candy store metaphor on Miller’s face. Until Macready grew bored with it about thirty seconds and changed the channel. Miller was not pleased but impressed that he could keep his attention span that long. If it was a documentary about some British military procedure or a James Bond movie he would be all over that.

The two started to argue over who gets to watch what was on TV. Jensen didn’t even suggest baseball. They might not like the sport. Well, as far as Jensen knew Macready didn’t care for the sport. He actually lasted longer watching the documentary then sports game. Impressive really. Too bad. He really wanted to watch the LA Dodgers vs the Detroit Tigers game that plagued on America’s TV right now. Miller probably didn’t have American channels anyways. Instead he settled for closing his eyes to get some shut eye and hopefully not dream about wax feathers flying too close to the sun.

_Jensen looked around Macready’s office trying to find the paperwork his boss wanted him to go over for their next mission since he missed out on the last mission briefing due to being required elsewhere. After searching for some time he found the mission report addressed to him, and started to look through it. Nothing special. Jensen sighed. He thought Macready might have needed him for something important for their latest mission. He didn’t quite get what the words were saying due to how blurry they appeared. The man could’ve left it on Jensen’s desk for God’s sake instead of leaving it in an area that made the reports all smeared! Annoyed, Jensen left the office to see Macready standing outside his door._

_“Found the mission report ok?” Macready smirked with his snarking sarcasm rubbing off. Guess he purposely placed it in a well moist area to annoy him._

_Jensen hated that. He scoffed by him and went to his desk. Regardless tonight being date night he decided he was just going to look over the mishap of  joke if it was one. “Have you decided where we’re eating tonight?”_

_“Can’t today, mate. Miller has me here at the office till late going over some paperwork from the briefing you didn’t bother to show up at.” Macready shuffled some papers in his hand as he made his way into his office._

_Ignoring the comment Jensen continued, “I can pick us up something if you like.” Jensen stacked the papers next to his empty cereal bowl wondering if he said something wrong for Macready to give him a hard time. Whatever it was Jensen needed to do his best to make whatever went wrong right. “You like that Chinese place right around the corner, right? I can pick us up something, bring it back here, eat, and help each other with the paperwork? Since none of us have any fun plans tonight.”_

_Macready sat down in his office chair, and started typing away on his computer in his usual fashion. “No need to, Jensen. Miller will provide the dinner, and I am sure you’re capable of doing your own work as I am.”_

_Miller? Since when did he care about getting takeout for Macready? He never did that for anyone else here that stayed late. Not even for himself. If Miller had his way he’d probably work himself into a grave that was known as his office chair. Jensen was about to say something when Miller came in with the takeout from the same Chinese restaurant that Macready loved. Jensen’s stomach decided to have an uneasy feeling inside. Especially when Miller started to rub Macready’s shoulder a way he didn’t like. Ignoring it Jensen stepped back from the two, and let them talk about the paperwork till Miller left. It was hard not to notice how flirty the two were with each other. The loving touches and kisses on the cheek. Disgusting._

_Jensen went over to Macready’s food to see what he got. Sesame Seed Chicken with white rice and broccoli. Jensen quickly stole a piece of chicken, smirking afterwards hoping to get a reaction out of the man that was playful. All he managed to do was make Macready mad and pull his food away. He didn’t seem too keen on sharing with his boyfriend. That was alright with Jensen. Sort of. Nothing to get hurt over.  He went back to his workstation to grab an energy bar meant especially for him. Why were these on his computer? He remembered leaving those behind in Detroit since they tasted so bad. Whatever. Maybe Miller planted them here when he wasn’t looking. He unwrapped it, and bit into it. Remembering the terrible taste it had to offer he spat it out in the trash can. He’ll have to get back at Miller for that one. Jensen went back to Macready’s office to see if he felt bad that he didn’t share his food being how hungry he was._

_“Hey, Mac, may I have another piece? Your food was making me jealous earlier. Maybe having another bite will cure it?” Jensen stood in front of Macready’s computer taking another piece of chicken biting into it. As he bit into it Macready slapped the food out of his hand._

_“Christ, Jensen, can you just let me work and eat in peace? I am trying to enjoy my dinner without your dirty hands all over my food and workstation!” Macready got up and pointed to the door. “Now if you don’t mind, mate, get out and go get your own dinner without acting like some kind of Rocket rodent.”_

_“Ok, Macready, I get it. You’re upset with me interrupting your ‘date’ with your alone time. I’ll let you two get back to it then.” Jensen exited the room upset more then he realized. Why did he say such things? This whole situation seemed to be stupid. He wanted to go back in and apologize hoping to fix things till Miller came back in the office with his own Chinese takeout._

_“That for me?” Optimism was on his last dying thread even if he knew what the answer was going to be._

_“For me actually. Mac asked for Chinese food when I mentioned him having to stay late. Going to eat dinner with him now to discuss more briefings. Why? Something you needed? I left a protein bar on your desk thinking you might need a little extra strength to get home.” So Miller really did leave Jensen the offending piece of shit. Jensen didn’t question his superior, and let Miller stop in front of Macready’s office door making it open with the motion sensor. Clever._

_“Thanks? But No. I am just going to head to the cafeteria to see if  I left any cereal down there  before I head home.” After the awkward conversation Jensen went back to his desk, reaching for his coat, only stopping when he heard cheerful laughter coming from Macready’s office. They seemed to be having a good time while enjoying their meal. Jensen felt another pang of jealousy. Maybe bring the food back up here for an excuse to ease drop? Thinking that was a good idea he left his coat where it was, went downstairs, picked out one of the “For anyone to have! Please enjoy!” salads in the refrigerator. Not one of his favorites and the sugar practically didn’t exist without drenching it in salad dressing and baby carrots, but it would have to settle for now._

_Jensen headed back up to the CT division. Only stopping when he thought he heard moans coming from Macready’s office. Turning on his enhanced vision he saw Miller and Macready being awfully close with one another. Invading personal spaces. Kissing. Stroking. Jensen blinked out, and felt the hurt surfacing to his chest. How could Macready do this to him? They’ve been dating for almost a year now, and things just now started to get serious. Despicable. Jensen’s heart started racing as he stepped out of the area. Just like his previous relationships he just couldn’t seem to find the one willing to stick with him, love him, and not use him for their own personal gain or verbal punching bag. Making his way to the bottom of the stairs he started to breathe uneasily and collapse to his knees. Salad splattered everywhere._

Jensen sat up in bed, sweat streaming down his face, and his heart racing. He looked to the side to see that Macready and Miller had fallen asleep. The lights and TV are off, and the clock on the bedside read a quarter to midnight. Shit. He knew his heart would not calm down in this state. His face felt heated, and his arms were tingling with a cold sensation his body projected into the carbon fiber. Getting out of bed he made his way to the bathroom to wash his face. He shut the door behind him not wanting to wake up anyone knowing his breathing would not reset back into a normal pace. He just wasn’t expecting for this to happen right now. His thoughts in his brain wouldn’t calm down, and started to replay the dream in high speed. Sliding down in front of the sink he moved to the wall to try and regain himself.

“Calm down, Jensen. Just a dream.” Jensen knew it was more then that. His brain was always trying to tell him something while he was asleep. He started sub consciously questioning if this relationship would work with the three of them. The way the two were getting cozy with one another made him feel left out. It was stupid he knew since they showed him how much cared about him with Miller’s hospitality and Macready’s reassurance. It was only natural they would want to spend time with one another.

Only natural for them to put fun arts and crafts up on the wall in Miller’s kids bedroom with him being the person to get the stepping stool, and picking up fallen pieces. He was not included in the activity that would make children happy, or Miller didn’t trust Jensen with his children and their things.

Only natural for them to cuddle with one another without him. Macready always looked the happiest when he was with Miller. Maybe Jensen was just a third wheel and a oblivious wingman for Miller?

Only natural for them to share laughs and pajama’s without him. To be fair Jensen did rush off to the showers without first seeing what they change into. How does someone start a conversation like that?

Only natural for him to stay on the sidelines and be the good agent. Not a cock up like Miller liked to remind him whenever he disobeyed orders at work. Sometimes Miller’s words hurt more than Macready’s.

Only natural for Macready not to apologize for using him for his personal gain. Did he apologize? He couldn’t remember. His thoughts were speeding. Jensen was sure he did already. Why was it still bothering him?

Only natural for him to think the two would be better off without him. They did seem happiest together. He needed to stop telling himself that.

Only natural to gamble with his own self off to other people. Did they love him? Too early with Miller, but what was the excuse Macready had?

He started to retreat back into his TITAN augment like he did when Macready was saying those harsh things to him. He covered his ears feeling his rebreathalyzer clicking on. Double shit. He remembered the warning Macready gave him last time about activating these two at once. Energy was draining fast, but he could no longer feel the cold feeling. It was like placing oneself in water to get the heart rate back to normal. His TITAN augment did just that.

“HUD on.” Jensen whispered in a shaking voice to himself. The energy drainage in the bottom left corner of his vision wasn’t draining as fast as he thought due to being in a stationary position. Not wanting to call out for anyone, not that he could anyways, he brought his armored legs to his chest and tried to ride out the storm.

He hated it. He placed his head in his arms, and thought back to the dream where Macready said those hurtful things, and kissing Miller the way he did. He visioned what the smile would look like if he had normal see through walls vision. All he could picture was a scowl directed at him for being nosey. Not a sincere or grateful smile. When was the last time he had one of those?

“Adam? You OK in here?” Macready opened the door a tad. He looked really tired, but woke up when he realized that his boyfriend wasn’t in the bed with him. He liked to hold him when they were sleeping together; especially, when Jensen was having one of his nightmares. Yeah, Jensen didn’t know that Macready knew. Macready didn’t know what exactly went on through his head. Even if he did he wouldn’t know what to say. Sorry you’re having weird Greek Mythological dreams about wannabe angels?

Jensen ignored him and tried his best to hide away from the man except his TITAN augment didn’t cover his face fully. He didn’t get too far when his energy bar ran out. His augments shut off, breathing went back to being heavy, and the weird sensations were no longer a numbing pain. The footsteps from Macready stopped in front of him. Nice bare feet to look at. Then there were hairy ankles, bent knees, and hands reaching out to touch him. He didn’t try to resist the strong hands that pulled him into an embrace.

“I got you, Adam.” Macready pulled Jensen close to his chest.  

That didn’t stop the shaking Jensen experienced. He gripped onto Macready’s nightshirt sleeve with his hands. The minimal energy left triggered his rebreather again. Didn’t even take three seconds for it to shut off again. Macready couldn’t have that. He didn’t need Jensen’s panic attack to go on any longer then it had too. He debated if he wanted to call out to Miller for some help.

Macready chose to yank his arm free of Jensen’s grip. That didn’t sit well with Jensen, and wasn’t sure why Macready would do that. He crossed his arms against his chest curling up the best he could against Macready. Macready needed his arms free, so he could go get Miller. He placed the man against the wall, and let him curl back up into the position he found him in. Leaving for a quick second he went to wake up Miller.

Macready shook Miller awake. “Jim, wake up. Jensen’s having an episode.”

Miller blinked trying to adjust his eyes as he turned on the table lamp on his nightstand. Rubbing his eyes at the harsh light he proceeded to get out of the bed, and follow Macready to the bathroom. When he got there he saw the sad sight of Jensen’s body and mental state. Rubbing his forehead he knelt down next to him while Macready sat down on the other side. Jensen felt a slight shift in the movement Miller made. He closed in on himself more when Miller touched him.

Miller being the first to break the ice as the new guy he moved in closer to Jensen. Only stopping when he started to slide further away. “Ok, I won’t come any closer, Adam, but you need to tell us what happened to trigger this. My ex-husband used to get these, because….because I would upset him when we talked about our daughter’s situation. Let me note that I won’t do that here. We really do intend to help you.”

Macready placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder giving it a squeeze. “Hang in there, love. I told you I wouldn’t leave you with these things to go through alone. You know I won’t break my word.”

Miller placed his hand in Jensen’s, and gave it a soft squeeze. Jensen didn’t pull away this time. No need to. If the two really were here for him then they would understand why he was having a panic attack, and a insufficient number of ridiculous questions. Taking a deep breath trying to calm himself he called Miller’s cell phone through his info link. He couldn’t do a lot talking due to his breathing, so they would have to deal with a very short sub-vocalization conversation.

Miller heard his phone go off on his nightstand. He excused himself to go answer it. Picking it up he saw who it was from then the call ended. Odd. Miller brought it with him back to the bathroom. The phone started ringing again with Jensen’s contact info displaying on the screen. Miller answered it, turned the speaker on full volume, and placed it in front of Jensen.

_What am I in this relationship?_

Jensen closed the connection after that. He took the opportunity to shift himself in a position where he didn’t have to look at the phone or their faces. He closed his eyes trying to get his breathing under control without the help of his augments. He forced his mind to switch off the one that was useful for his panic attacks seeing as it was a never ending energy drainage. Settling this with an old fashion breathe in and breathe out into a paper bag would work so much better if he wanted to tell the two that. Speaking out loud still persisted as a problem. Closing his eyes he forced labored breaths through his nostrils trying to calm down, and tried to concentrate on something else. Right now the two weren’t giving him any answers. A good thing? Probably not. He didn’t want anymore stress disrupting his exercises to a peaceful serenity until someone cam out to him, or a Biocell fell in his lap. Jensen opened his eyes to stare up at Miller who gave him a very agitated and concerned look.

“I keep them in hiding. In a place I am sure you haven’t even snooped in yet.” Miller sat back down next to Jensen. He didn’t want to tell him he had them stored away just in case of an emergency, or secretly denying that his daughter’s transitioning with augments was no longer an option. Either way Jensen needed his help, and if this didn’t show how much he cared for him then he wasn’t sure what would.

Jensen played with it in his hand for a moment thinking if he should inject himself with the contents. He knew Macready would be against it due to the fact that Jensen relied on drugs that won’t help in the long run in a sense to get him through maybe a day or two of haunting real life nightmares. Worth it? Jensen turned to Macready to see if his face showed the disgusted look like it always did when it came to these last resorts. To Jensen’s surprise it didn’t. He actually looked like he was kicked in the face by a donkey’s hoof. That made Jensen feel a bit guilty and equally satisfied that his question received an answer.  

“Adam, after all the apologies I gave you, this hill you really want to stand your ground on?” Macready gently removed the Biocell out of Jensen’s hands. “This gives you back your energy then what? You hide behind the comfort of your TITAN augment smothering the burning feeling into numbness? Your rebreather going to be an attached paper bag?”

Jensen reached for the Biocell, but Macready pulled it away. Macready wasn’t done talking. Jensen will be hearing what he has to say. “I am not finished. I’ve had enough of this, and I love you. I care for you. I don’t want you to spiral down this path. Miller and I can make a few calls to get you the medication you need to help with your panic attacks. Trust me, love, I know how PTSD and anxiety can be.”

Macready placed the Biocell out of Jensen’s reach, and placed his hands gently on Jensen’s face. “Please, Adam. Just let us try to help you without you going to hide whenever this happens. I will make whoever can make you a special type of pill to collaborate with your resistance gene if I have to. No matter the cost. I am also sure Miller can pull some strings as well.” Macready kissed Jensen’s lips with quite the passion that his donkey hoof print no longer showed.

Jensen mind slowed down. No more racing thoughts. No more bad visions appearing inn his mind. Just no more anything. Miller showed Jensen that he wanted to help with what he could give him. Even if he didn’t realize it was going to end up hurting him in the long run, and maybe even drown in his own anxiety. No blame there. Miller just didn’t know, and sometimes doing the good move doesn’t mean the right thing. Then the future seemed a little bit brighter now with Macready educating them both, Jensen more than Miller on a situation that should be handled with better care.

Macready pulled away first to kiss to breathe. “Next time we do something that bothers you just bring it out in the light. We promise not to let you feel left out or make you feel unwanted again.”

Miller agreed to that. Tomorrow morning will be a new day for all three of them. The perfect time to make some phone calls. Miller picked his phone up off the ground, and scrolled down his list of contacts to see if he had someone that could help without wasting too much time or asking a lot of questions. Thankfully he did. The nice doctors and nurses tending to his daughter might be able to lead him on the right direction. After adding them to his star contacts he went back to Jensen to help him up off the floor.

Jensen felt better now he can breathe normally again. Win, win for them all. Closing his eyes again he leaned his head back against the wall as he was sliding up, let out a deep breath, and smiled. Amazing what people will do for the ones they love and willing to protect from even from themselves.   


	9. The Use Of Caring When One's Light Goes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen takes a good hard look at his life before him. [One More Light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tm8LGxTLtQk) being in Jensen, and in the people around him. They're just not light to him. They're his family and his everything. Even when he was making them an awkward breakfast and saying thanks to everyone who read this story. They mean the world to Jensen and the author.

Waking up first wasn’t always the greatest thing for certain people; especially, at 6 AM. Jensen being part of that "certain people", but when the early bird gets the worm then the bird can make a feast for its family. Exactly what Jensen wanted to do. Carefully untucking himself out of Miller’s and Macready’s huggable grip of doom he made his way to where he had dropped his shirt from last night. Bending over, wincing due to the sore muscles in his lower back, he picked up his extremely wrinkled hit. Slowly he placed it over his head then proceeded to stretch his muscles to get whatever kinks the two left in him out. There were a lot of them. If his artificial joints were real they be screaming at him to stop fucking with people every other night.

Satisfied he turned on his leg silencers with the little energy he had to make his way out of the room. Good enough. He tipped toed, figuratively, down the steps. Felt like an eternity to get to when walking like a Looney Tune’s character. Once there he noticed the kitchen and dining room looked extremely filthy. Crumbs and spills have taken over. Not all the dishes were clean, and the table needed to be wiped down very badly. He didn’t want Miller freaking out over cockroaches invading his clean and pristine place. Quickly he looked around for some cleaning supplies and found the supply closet. He got out the broom, dustpan, _Swifter_ mop, and disinfectant wipes. Closing the door behind him he went to work on the dishes first. He might not like doing this stuff at his own apartment, but this wasn’t his apartment. He felt obligated to be the perfect house guest when leaving crumbs in peoples wakening. He turned on the radio next to him on the counter, so he could have something nice to listen to while doing boring chores. The usual racist host started blasting his nonsense about how augments were this world’s demise. Jensen quickly changed the radio station to something more satisfying. A rock station being the next sound over; a good start.

The radio played some nostalgic rock music from the first decade of the 2000’s. Old school cool right there! Jensen turned up the music, and started to get to work on the dishes while jamming out to some _Incubus_. The urge to sing along to _Megalomaniac_   tempted his soul. How old was he again in 2003? Ten? Damn. Macready was in his last year of high school or whatever the equivalent was in Britain, and Miller would be in TAG about now and possibly married. Maybe? Jensen didn’t think on it too long as he started singing along very quietly to his childhood.

The cleaning didn’t take long at all. With all the fooling around they did while playing Poker had caused a lot of crumbs to tumble to the hardwood floor, but nothing drastic like it sticking there permanently. Jensen forgot the dust pan in the kitchen, and went back to get it. The music had switched a few times, and the hour of 2000’s was up. This made him sad. He was about to change the station when the familiar beat to _Nirvana’s: Smells Like Team Spirit_ came on. No one can resist the urge to sing along to this. No one. Jensen’s thoughts went back to Macready’s secret boxes of music t-shirts, and remembered the _Nirvana_ one he pulled out. He wished Macready were down here with him, so they could sing together. Highly doubt Macready would sing with him but one can dream. Maybe Miller would? He wasn’t in the single digits when this song came out. Maybe ten at most.  

Either way Jensen made his way back to the kitchen singing the chorus in a low voice as he swept up the remaining crumbs before mopping the area. After that he realized he should have probably wiped the table down first. This gave him a good excuse to go back to the kitchen to get the radio since he couldn’t hear too well from way over here, and the lack of noise wouldn’t interrupt his singing time. He grabbed the wipes and the radio, and made his way back to the table. He set the radio down, turned the volume up some more, and did his business with the table.

“Hello, hello, hello, how low.” Jensen looked around as he sang along to make sure no one heard him sing any of those words. In the clear. Jensen continued his singing till the song ended. He ended up being sad again, which was rare. He never really got sad over something as sentimental as music. He wondered why he was. Maybe he’ll have to ask Macready for his secret box containing his grunge and sub genres of grunge CD’s.

He brought the radio back to the kitchen. Nothing exciting was playing anymore. Now the ad’s have started getting all happy and high pitched speaking in Czech. Whoever controlled this radio station played way too many happy people advertisements in the morning unless they were about coffee. Then the happiness was indeed intended. Jensen turned the volume down. At least till another good song comes on the radio. He went to the coffee maker, and brewed himself some coffee. While that did its job he turned to admire the hard work he put into the kitchen and dining room. He reminded himself again that he would never do this to his own place. Ever. Chuckling to himself he heard the coffee pot go off signaling it being coffee time. Thank God for fast coffee makers of the future. He grabbed a coffee cup out of the cabinet and poured himself some of the delicious brew.  

Leaning back against the counter he started thinking about what he should cook for breakfast. All the ideas playing in his mind would take too long to thaw out. This would mean he would have to go to the grocery store. Not a problem. He turned off the radio, patted himself down to look semi-decent, and fixed his hair the best he could without the use of his hair gel. He checked his pants to make sure he had at least a credit chip with some money on it. He was good on that. He had no idea whose it was, or how much was on it. Playing oblivious to stealing it seemed like a better idea.

Out the door he went. Quickly scanning the area to see how busy the streets were. Not too busy for being a quarter to 7. He steadily made his way through the streets, and came across a local grocer that had opened about 15 minutes ago. Jensen went inside, grabbed a cart, and went up and down the refrigerated aisle. He grabbed a pack of sausage patties, bacon, and a rolled up can of buttered biscuits. Debating on whether to buy eggs and sliced cheese just in case Miller didn’t have any. Didn’t hurt to buy them. It wasn’t his money after all. Jensen picked up the two items in question. If Miller did already have these two things then he would have extra sides for when Jensen and Macready came over for dinner again.  

After getting home first thing Jensen did was grab a pan for the meat and a baking tray for the biscuits. He quickly got to work after he turned the radio back on of course. The radio host was going on about some local band making a rise in the music industry before the music switched to the band in question. At least that was what Jensen could pick up. The local band didn’t sound half bad. He’ll have to make a trip to a music store that accepts him as a customer. He sprayed the pan and baking tray with _PAM_ before applying the foods. Didn’t want the food to burn and stick. Miller might make him go out and buy all new kitchen supplies with the poor people’s credit chips. No one wanted that.

Pre-heating the oven wasn’t too long of a wait. Thank you, once again, technology! He placed the biscuits on it and placed it in the oven, closed it, and set the timer. The local band’s song had just finished playing, and the host came back on talking about the band. Jensen tuned it out till an artist he recognized came up. _Jack White_ being his name If he recalled. The song _Would You Fight For My Love?_ gave him a good reason to turn up the bluegrass rock music. Miller and Macready just have to deal with it. They had to get up in a bit anyways. He started to hum the beginning of the song as he pulled down the skillet from the top of the refrigerator. Plugging it in he waited for it to heat up. It wasn’t as fast as the other updated technology, or Miller’s outlet’s needed an upgrade.

While waiting he started cooking the sausage in the pan. Pressing down on them with a spatula, flipping them over to cook on the other side as well, and wishing he decided on pancakes; so that he could flip them like the professionals do it. Then he could shout "Mama Mia! With Pancakes!" Or something like that. He wasn’t very good with puns and jokes. Best to get back to the cooking, which he seemed to be semi-decent at. The bacon needed to be flipped, and the biscuits seemed to be coming out nicely. Good. This breakfast wasn’t going to be ruined by Jensen’s off key singing or horrible non-related pizza puns. Unless someone decided to visit him to make fun of his singing voice. His wish was about to come to past as he didn’t even notice Macready leaning against the wall till he got to the first chorus of _In the End_ by _Linkin Park_.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end-oh God, how long have you been standing there?” Jensen went back to his cooking not really wanting to look at that smirk. His face flushed with embarrassment. He didn’t like singing in front of other people; especially, the ones that can poke at him forever and a day with co-workers. Jensen pleaded with God to give him a mercy killing, and save him from the Hell coming up.

“It doesn’t even matter?” Macready snickered. “You have a wonderful and gargling voice you know. Chugging on those glass shards really brings out the best in you. May I recommend a career switch? Maybe opera?”

“Really funny, Mac. You should set that as your location status on the outdated _Twitter_.” The sausage and bacon were just about done. Good thing. He doesn’t know how much more taunting he could take from Macready. His singing voice didn’t exactly sound like a canary. More like the  _Black Canary_   that would shatter the windows in this place, but he would be a metahuman. Should he tell Macready that? Technically it would be a compliment. Fictional characters were once badass so many years ago before the world went to shit.

“I never used such silly platforms. No, before you ask, I never used _MySpace_ or  _Facebook_.” Macready looked over the food that Jensen prepared. He watched him get the biscuits out of the oven. The smell of honey filled his nostrils. He tried to reach for one when Jensen placed the tray on the counter. Jensen smacked his hand away with the spatula. Getting black grease on Macready’s hand.

“You really want to burn yourself? Let them cool. If you’re hungry then help me out to make this go by faster. Peel the cheese from the wrappers, and crack me a couple of eggs. Oh, and put the cleaning stuff up.” Jensen grabbed a plate out of the cabinet and a couple of paper towels. He placed them on the plate, so they absorb the grease from the unused sausage patties and bacon strips.

“Sure.” Macready did what he was told. Putting away the supplies, and then he grabbed a bowl. Thinking in advance here. Jensen might want to make scrambled eggs. Hopefully he wasn’t wrong. Maybe the eggs will end up in the shape of folded napkins like _McDonald’s_ makes theirs look like.

Jensen appreciated the extra step by kissing Macready's cheek. He quickly got to work with the stirring of the eggs. Once those were deemed worthy of being cooked he dumped them into the pan after he rinsed off the sausage bits that were left behind. Perfect. He let the eggs sit there cooking for a few seconds, so he could mess with the biscuits. Cutting three of them in half he placed one patty into each of them, with a slice of cheese. Then he went back to his eggs, mixing them around on the pan making them break off into tiny pieces.

Macready started messing with the stations on the radio to find something else that wasn’t digging into his angsty high school years. “Ok, other than nu-metal, what else can be on this early that won’t make people deaf or cry?”

“I doubt you’ll find your _Candlebox_ and _Live_ on there.” He didn’t dare tell him about _Nirvana_ coming on earlier. He might get a taking to about not waking him up to listen to some good music. If anything worth waking Macready up for, without getting yelled at, must be because of music and sex.

“Should I be surprised you know who they are?” Macready couldn’t find a station. He didn’t feel like listening to early talk shows, and infomercials talking about the latest _Cyberboost_ energy bars. He went back to the station they were listening to. He backed away when he heard screaming coming out of the radio. Turning the radio off he put a finger in his ear trying to stop the ringing. “Jesus! What was that?”

Jensen placed the scrambled eggs on top of each sausage biscuits. “Sounded like Michael Bohn screaming out his lyrics.”

“You can understand that?” Macready turned the radio back on. He was about to change it when Jensen stopped him. “You really want to listen to this?”

“I need to expand your music taste.” Jensen turned up the radio to the point where the neighbor’s floorboards below them would start to shake. “Open your ears, and listen to the wonderful R&B-numetal-metalcore.”

“Did you just quote _Wikipedia_?” Macready couldn’t understand the man at all when he started acting like a nerd.

“Yes. Don’t call me a nerd for it.” Jensen placed the tops on the biscuits. “Can you brew up some more coffee?” Grabbing each plate Jensen took all three of them to the dinning room, and placed them in their respective spots.

Macready started filling the machine with what it needed. Pushing the button he waited for the rich smell of coffee to fill his nose. He couldn’t wait to have some delicious coffee while tasting the weirdest looking sausage biscuit he’d ever seen. Did Americans really place scrambled eggs on top of such things? Cheese slices, yes. Scrambled eggs? No. Not the type of breakfast he’d imagine he would be eating. Maybe it was just Jensen’s creative side speaking. As long as there was no poison in these things then they should be edible. What would Miller think? Shouldn’t he be getting up by now? He can be the first guinea pig in this mind game experimentation.  

Jensen came back to the kitchen to tend to the coffee. Macready had placed three cups by the coffee pot along with making sure the sugar and cream sat in their proper spots. He was afraid they might have been pushed around from all the cleaning and moving that went on. At least that was what he assumed from Jensen’s job well done. Now Macready wished Jensen would keep his own place in this tip top shape. The thought of the apocalypse coming could wait for another day. He just wanted to pour the coffee, fill his cup with tremendous amounts of sugar, and eat.  

Jensen grabbed the dishes he used to cook with and place them in the sink. He wanted to get them done quickly, so the excess amount of meat doesn’t stick to the pan. Emptying the grease trap from the skillet was an easy task. He didn’t see Macready anywhere in the kitchen after that. Must have gone to wake up Miller. Not dwelling on it he went back to the dishes. He didn’t really want to wash and dry everything with his lonesome. The radio wasn’t really comforting to him right now to help with his boredom since advertisements started playing again. He flipped through the stations to find something that would keep him in concentration mode. Switching to AM he tried to pick up something from the US. The AM stations have really improved in radio quality by maybe a decimal. That wasn’t saying anything. Why can’t these things have satellite radio? He tried banging and shaking the radio for good reception. That wasn’t working. Not really the best of plans either, Jensen. Jensen knew he couldn’t just unintentionally break other people’s property, but why can’t these cheap products ever turn out the way he wanted? Seriously? Even the printers and copying machines at his work office still look like something out of the late 90’s and early 2000’s era.

“Attempting assault and battery to the radio will get you five years in jail with a $50,000 fine.” A bad American joke Miller was trying to make. The fine wasn’t even accurate. It had to be at least 1 million then the US would start caring.

Jensen turned to face him, setting the defenseless radio down, to try and explain the situation. Miller held his hand up to tell Jensen he didn’t want to hear it. He went over to the coffee machine, and poured himself a good cup of Java. He added his sugar and cream, giving it a stir. Taking a sip he went to sit down at the head of the table to see the food that waited for him. He quirked an eyebrow at the thing. Never having anything like this in his life, and was skeptical of taking the first bite. Jensen and Macready came in with their cups, and took their perspective seats from across one another. Jensen grunted due to the soreness when he sat down. Macready had to cover his mouth to hide the smirk. 

Miller picked up the sausage biscuit. Still studying it like it was under the microscope. Jensen didn’t know if he should be amused or offended. “Miller, the food will not bite your nose off. I promise.”

“I am testing it to make sure no oinking occurs then I am going to eat it.” Miller, once again, made a bad joke. He saw the looks the two were giving him. He rolled his eyes, and took the first bite. Chewing slowly. Smiling he took another bite, then another, and another till it was all gone. The two's facial expressions had changed to something that resembled shock. Like they were watching a big mouth machine sucking up all the food on its plate. Who knew cold stone Miller’s soft spot seemed to not just be for his children but for delicious food.  

Miller looked at the two staring at him. “What? It was good.”

The two didn’t say anything more and ate their meal in silence. The radio went through a few more songs that Jensen and the other two ignored till the song _One More Light_ by _Linkin_ _Park_ came on some random AM station grabbed Jensen’s attention. Really been that long, huh? Just felt like yesterday when his life wasn’t falling into complete shit outside of his relationship. Every time this song came on it its once in a blue moon phase he started to think about his life and all the people that have died around him, everything going on with all the souls the Illuminati sacrificed for their own personal gain, and then what was considered the next event? Would these two be caught in the crossfire with all their help and what about when they’re just bystanders?

_Who cares if one more light goes out?_

_In the sky of a million stars_

_It flickers, flickers_

_Who cares when someone’s time runs out?_

_If a moment is all we are_

_We’re quicker, quicker_

_Who cares if one more light goes out?_

_Well I do_

_Well I do_

Jensen never knew how much he could relate to just one song. He remembered when this album, _One More Light_ , first came out about 13-14 years ago. Released two day’s after Chris Cornell’s death, and was played as a tribute to him on Jimmy Kimmel’s show when that was around. He never really thought of the worse in 2017 like this. He wasn’t left in charge of saving the world then either, and the world wasn’t even capable of saving itself in that era from the rulers that tried to strike fear into everyone. Now, with the weight on his shoulders he had to make sure he wasn’t ever going to lose all the people close to him. Not Sarif. Not Pritchard. Not Miller. Not Macready. Not his family. Leaning back in the chair he examined the two’s happy faces chatting away with one another. They seemed to be done with their meals. More dishes! Great! A distraction! He quickly grabbed their plates and unfinished coffee. He didn’t even hear Macready getting up to make a complaint about how he wasn't done drinking his coffee.

Miller followed the two to the kitchen. He didn’t want to leave Jensen alone after the facial features he had witnessed on his lovers face. However, Macready needed to stop fussing at Jensen over a half finished cup of coffee. He elbowed him in his ribs. Macready grunted, looked at Miller to see what that was about. Miller pointed to Jensen’s eyes. Macready instantly understood, but still wished Jensen had waited for at least another two minutes. The two stood next to Jensen, each grabbing a dish and a mug out of his hands, and went to place them in the dishwasher that wasn’t full anymore. Jensen didn’t remember unloading it. He guessed one of the two did when they got up for a drink in the middle of the night. Not that he wanted to complain. He just couldn’t help but try to asset the logic in his mind.

Macready turned off the radio. “No more of that now. We don’t need you to start reminiscing of regrets and worry about us.”

Miller placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “You got us to help you and we help each other out. Don’t forget that. Now, you two go home and get ready for work. We have a lot to do today.” Out the door Miller went before anyone could say another word. They could hear him talking on his phone addressing a doctor of some sort, which the two then assumed he was talking to his daughter’s doctor. Jensen felt a bit at ease knowing this. Hopefully Miller could do something for him. He needed it, and he didn’t know what he would do anymore if he had to face these panic attacks alone.  

Jensen and Macready took the leftovers home with them in containers that Miller let them borrow. Each going back to their respective place after they shared a quick kiss. Too quick for Macready’s liking. He would just have to substitute it. He brought Jensen in for a hug, and told him everything will be ok. Jensen hugged him back, and placed his chin on top of Macready’s shoulder not really wanting to let go. Letting go wasn’t easy for Jensen with all that had happened in the last week.

“I’ll see you at work, love.” Macready let him go and walked inside. After he closed the door behind him he thought back to how Jensen was feeling, and made a note to himself to be lenient on him more when it comes to work. Just for today. 

Jensen walked out of the apartment complex Macready and Miller stayed at, looked up at the tall building; and there he just knew things would be fine. Nothing to worry about. Turning his back on the building he made his way back to his own place to shower and change.

At home Jensen stepped out of his shower rubbing a towel in his hair. He felt refreshed and clean. Probably because he could finally change his clothes. Throwing the towel around his neck he opened his dresser doors to pull out his outfit for the day. Bending over to put on his underwear was a bit of a task.

After getting dressed Jensen went over to his work station in his bedroom and turned on the radio, wanting to listen to more music before Macready had rudely turned it off. Another ad seemed to be playing way too fast for him to keep up with it. He envied these people who can be like this so early. Walking into the kitchen, he placed the leftovers he threw on the counter earlier in the refrigerator. He didn’t want to take it with him for lunch, because tonight he decided he wanted to spend some time alone to contemplate himself and his relationship. Being this happy was very rare for him. It was. Now it wasn’t. He snapped out of his thoughts when _One More Light_ started playing on the radio again followed by the host quickly saying it was considered a dedication to those who have lost a loved one to whatever circumstance.

_Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?_

_Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?_

_We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep_

_There are things that we can have, but can’t keep_

_If they say_

The chorus started running through his ears again, and he once again started applying it to the friends and people he lost throughout his life. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath to think back to what Macready and Miller said about being right about all this. He really didn’t need to go down this path, but the truth lied in front of him in the lyrics that he couldn’t ignore. The second verse started. Jensen wondered if anyone that went through his life in a flash and those who stuck with him in his thoughts ever realized the subtlety of something like this?

_The reminders, pull the floor from your feet_

_In the kitchen, one more chair, than you need, oh_

_And you’re angry, and you should be, it’s not fair_

_Just ‘cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it, isn’t there_

_If they say_

Chorus repeats. Life happens too rapidly for everyone to sit down and notice what was going on around them. Truly knows what was going on around them. True for the whole world and not just Jensen’s bubble. Try not to think about it, Jensen. You’ve got a whole life ahead. Taking a deep breath and letting it out Jensen went back to the bathroom to see if his hair needed fixing after putting a shirt on. Really he was just trying to find another distraction. A few strands strayed away, but nothing worth someone commenting about them with a joke. Putting them back into place he left the bathroom to go turn off the radio. It was time to leave, and he didn't want to be late for work. The chorus on its last repeat and already at the end of it. Jensen waited till the song was over before turning it off.

_Who cares if one more light goes out?_

_Well I do_

_Well I do_

Jensen left his apartment, looked up at the sun to see if the day decided to be kind to him by blessing him with sunshine instead of morning rain. Sunshine had beaten the rain for today. Smiling Jensen locked his door behind him, and walked down the steps with quite the enthusiasm. Something he thought he’d never felt again. Not wanting to think about that he reminded himself that all the bad things that had happened are in the past now along with things he was still struggling to let go of, and all the people he had lost haven’t left his heart. His life and others involved in it have become his light and happiness. 


End file.
